Holiday Cheer and Weight Loss

For those of you in the USA, next Thursday is Thanksgiving.  It’s a time to get together with family and eat until we pass out on the sofa in front of the football game and/ or Macy’s Parade.  Usually, if you are trying to lose weight, you don’t know if you should dread all the food you know you’re going to eat (or at least want to) or if you’re going to use the holiday as an excuse to eat until your belt has to come off.

I am not going to make this easy for you: it’s your decision and there is no ‘wrong’ choice.  Despite what others have to say, there is no Food Police and whatever you decide to eat or not eat, you won’t be given demerits or extra credit points.  There’s no bonus for saying no to the pumpkin pie or the stuffing.

I will give you my own best advice, having faced a few of these holidays while trying to lose weight, and my best advice is this: eat what you know you won’t regret! I know it sounds like a cop out, but really this whole ‘healthy eating thing’ we’re trying to do isn’t something we just do ‘sometimes’ or when we feel like we’re having a good day.  This really is a lifestyle, so it means eating without guilt (remember no Food Police!) It also means we eat the same way (or we should) whether others are watching or not.  We’ve all done the sneak-eating, where we hope no one notices the box of Chips Ahoy is missing and that we ate all or most of them!  What we eat is completely our business! Our bodies, our health, our food! Please understand that I am not telling you to take the deep dish apple pie off the buffet and eat the whole thing , although if you want to, you can.  I am just wondering if you will regret it on Friday, because I know I would!  I am telling you that having a piece of pie or cake or stuffing or whatever you choose is not a reason to beat yourself up, if you want it and will not regret it later!  That’s pretty much the operative phrase here: if you won’t regret it.  The caveat to this whole idea of regret is pretty much basic Cause and Effect.  Everything you eat has an effect on your body, your health, weight and your goals.  It’s that savvy shopper rule: you get what you pay for!  If you don’t mind paying for the stuffing, yams with marshmallows, pumpkin pie and carrot cake with all the aftereffects of roller coaster blood sugar, cravings and hunger and maybe a weight stall or even a gain, then that’s your business.  You are prepared to pay for what you ate, you enjoyed it and you aren’t sorry, so don’t let anyone try guilting you over your choices.

However, it you are trying to bargain your way out of the cost, such as things like “I won’t eat anything the day before/ after Thanksgiving,” you may be out of luck! It’s a lot harder to go without to make up for bingeing, and usually it doesn’t work.  Unless you’ve been fasting for a while, it’s hard to make it through the initial couple of days especially if you don’t know what pitfalls to look out for and usually by the time the holiday arrives, you’re STARVING and end up eating way more than feels good.  (FYI: if you do want to try legitimate fasting, read Dr. Jason Fung’s book The Complete Guide to Fasting or google the “Intensive Dietary Management Program”.) The trick isn’t to swing from one end of the spectrum to the other: the key is stay fairly consistent.  As in, I might eat a couple of things not normally on my menu for the holiday, but I’m not going nuts over the carrot cake!

I think Mark Sisson made a great point in his interview on the Primal Potential podcast when he said most Americans think in terms of “how much can I eat without gaining weight?”  This is pretty much how we view Thanksgiving: how much can I wolf down before it’s too much?  I know there is no Food Police, but this is the same idea we have with a lot of things (like money!) that really gets us into trouble.  I used to see the same idea on billboards for my gym all the time: “I work out because: [fill in the blank]” and it’s usually been ‘filled in’ with a phrase such as “I like four cheese pizza!”  I understand that ideation really well.  I used to eat most of a medium thick crust loaded pizza and bread stick and wings on a fairly regular basis.  And, no, I didn’t work out then.  And pretty much every time I looked at the two or three pieces of pizza left over in the fridge, I’d either feel guilty that I ate so much of it or I’d try congratulating myself on not eating ALL of it!  That is not the best mindset to view what you eat! Unfortunately, this is how most of view the holidays: “well, at least I didn’t eat all the [insert holiday treat here]!”

I am going to give you some good advice if you are feeling nervous going into the holidays.  Stay away from appetizers or snacks that are just fast carbs or sugar.  At my relative’s house, there’s always a huge bowl of chips and dip, but there’s usually a veggie tray too.  I stick with the veggies: they are more filling, fewer calories (if minimal dip) and more nutritious.  I also stick with the veggies and the meats at the meal: not a lot of yams, or potatoes, and more of the salad or roasted veggies and the turkey.  I do a spoonful of stuffing and maybe a spoonful of macaroni salad.  I also say no to the bread, because usually they’re store-bought heat and serve rolls (not worth it to me).  As for dessert, if there is something I want to try, I do a small slice or serving.  The key is to enjoy the food, not feel like it’s put me in a coma! It is also 100% okay to say no to anything on the table or anything you are offered!

If we want to be successful over the coming holidays, we need to eat without guilt or shame or excuses. If we want to eat the pie, then eat the pie- as long as you know what you are prepared to pay for it! If it’s more important to you to lose a couple more pounds before Christmas or New Year’s, then don’t eat the pie.  You know you will regret it when you put on that special outfit for the holiday and it’s too tight or doesn’t look as good as you want it to.  If you feel okay paying that price, then don’t feel guilty about what you ate or didn’t eat.  It’s also okay not to eat everything on your plate! Sometimes, especially at holidays, we serve ourselves too much or someone else is too generous with the food.  It’s okay to say it’s too much, or take some home or to leave it behind (here, kitty, kitty!) There’s no law that says we need to binge or we need to deny ourselves. Remember- no Food Police! No guilt, no excuses, no shame! Eat what you feel good about eating, either because you want to celebrate the holiday or you are okay paying the price for it! Your body, your health- your rules!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Burdens, Blessings, Obstacles and Opportunities: Using Them to Your Best Advantage in Weight Loss

I know from experience that when most of us begin making healthy changes to our lifestyles, or even just start planning on these changes, we are met right away with burdens and obstacles.  It’s like the world, Fate or the Universe is plotting to keep us fat and unhealthy!  Even though we know that’s not the truth, there’s a lot of days when it sure feels like it!

Then there’s just the whole matter of logistics: family members, work schedules, school schedules, and every day annoyances like meetings, luncheons, conferences, traffic and the always popular seasonal parties.  How do we integrate our plan for healthy choices in the middle of all we have going on? Most of us try to work it in for a few days or a few weeks and then collapse under the burden of all our obstacles.  “There’s just too much getting in the way!”  Sometimes, the Universe wins despite all our best plans!  The tricks I’ve found are: 1) not to be discouraged; and 2) how to turn a ‘burden’ into a ‘blessing.’

I am certainly no philosopher or theologian, but through my reading and my Liberal Arts education, I’ve learned a few things.  One of the books I had to read in college was the Teachings of Chuang Tzu, a 3rd Century Taoist philosopher.  It’s definitely what I refer to as a ‘sponge book,’ meaning when you read a parable, it probably won’t make sense to you right away- you have to let it soak in.  Gradually, you begin to understand the meaning.  It’s a difficult philosophy to get through and unfortunately, our professor began his course (Humanities) with that book.  Our class went from about 50 to about 20 in a few short weeks.  But the overall gist of his teachings on the Tao is, in my opinion, not that different from Stoicism (the Greco-Roman philosophy with the capital S) or Zen Buddhism: we are all part of the One and until we learn to accept that, we will always be unhappy.

That doesn’t mean that we just have to accept that we will always be fat, unhappy and unhealthy.  It means we have to find ways to make what looks like a burden or an obstacle be a blessing to us instead.  Believe me, I am certainly not one of those happy little “turn that frown upside down” perky people!  Most of my Disney stuff has either Grumpy, Eeyore or Donald Duck on it- not the happy campers! But, basically, if sh*t happens, I can either wallow in it, or find a way out of it (this is Trick #2). Example: I commute 2 hours every morning and every evening five days a week.  Essentially, all those fitness gurus who say “move every hour” are wasting their breath on me during my commute because I’ve got at least 20 hours a week on my butt in my car.  I can either use that as an obstacle or an excuse not to exercise or lose weight, or I can find a way to use it to my advantage.  So, all those podcasts that I listen to? You got it- in the car either on the way to work or on the way home! The same with audiobooks or just to de-stress either by listening to a favorite playlist or using my Bluetooth to catch up with friends.  And yes, I realize the irony of de-stressing while stuck in traffic.  That’s the other trick: traffic, like sh*t, happens! I can either freak out about it or just accept it as part of life! My current boss is pretty sanguine about it- I am usually more irritated by being late than he is, but either way, my freaking out isn’t going to change the flow of traffic and all it’s going to do is raise my anxiety and blood pressure.

If you listen to someone like Chuang Tzu, when we have something that looks like a burden or an obstacle, changing our perspective changes the obstacle itself.  Many of my friends groan when they think of my commute, but to me, it’s an opportunity.  Seriously, without being ‘trapped in the car for so many hours,’ when would I find the time to listen to podcasts and audiobooks?  I’d have to find it somewhere else in my week! This situation is perfect for it! Not a lot else that I can do in the car but listen!

The same is true for one of the most common complaints I hear: ‘no one else in my family wants to eat healthy!’ Awesome!! Seriously, when we live alone like me, I don’t have any of those temptations in my house unless I bring them in. Don’t want them tempting you? Don’t buy them! Then we go out to a conference and there are those evil bagels daring me not to eat them! It’s hard, because I don’t face that temptation at home.  When you are constantly looking at your kids’ chips or spouse’s ice cream or garlic bread, then you get used to seeing all the foods that aren’t on your healthy diet and even more important, you get used to not-eating them! Their siren song of “eat me!” fades away because you have stopped listening to it- you are stronger than the garlic bread, ice cream, chips or bagels.  The key of course is not-eating them, which does take some strength to start out, just like it takes some strength for me not to put them in my cart at the store (“I can have one and give the rest to my dad/ sister/ friends”- riiiight!! Not happening!!) The trick is to look at this obstacle as practice.  If you face these temptations every day at home, the pizza at the work luncheon is no match for you!

The other trick is not getting discouraged when you either give in to temptation or something gets in the way of your success.  In other words, those times when the Universe wins.  In my case, the Universe won recently: I usually have a water aerobics class on Mondays and I got stuck on Sunday (my prep day) helping my mom, so I planned on going grocery shopping after my Monday class.  Those were my best-laid plans upon which the Universe wrought its usual havoc. I ended up working an hour and a half later than usual, due to delays at court and with clients, so I figured I’d missed my workout class, but then thanks to traffic (yay?), I ended up getting home even later still: those two hours took three and grocery shopping at 7:30 p.m. was really not appealing.  I opted for the healthiest fast food I could get: grilled chicken and coleslaw- yay…. The trick is that yes, the Universe won on Monday, but Monday is one day.  It’s not the rest of my life! (at least I hope not!)  The key is to make more healthy decisions that unhealthy ones.  One bad day or one bad week should not be the end of your healthy plan! I didn’t get to be 438 lbs by eating one bad fast food dinner at Jack in the Box; it was a pattern of bad choices that built upon itself and resulted in my being miserably unhealthy.  My choices are give up and be unhealthy and unhappy and fat, or keep the faith and try for better.  Even when the Universe wins.  Even when it feels like the deck is stacked against me (hey, 438?!?)  Even if it’s just as simple as taking a seeming failure (“I had biscuits with my chicken and coleslaw! Ugh!”) and using it as a teaching tool for you not to do it again (those stomach cramps during the night? think it was from the flour in the biscuits?? Hello!!)

There are a lot of Motivational Gurus who like to use phrases like “be the captain of your destiny” to encourage you to ‘be in control.’  While I think it’s really motivational, I also think it’s setting you up for a big fall.  A lot of ‘your destiny’ has to do with things that happen around you and to you.  A big part of my outlook and my weight loss success is accepting there are things in my life that are in my control and as for everything else, all I can do is control my reaction.  Like Monday, when I realized I was not going to get off work in time to make my class, when I realized I was stuck in traffic and was getting home way later than I thought- I could have gotten angry, I could have had a tantrum and what would I have gained by that? Just stress and anxiety! I’ve got enough of both of those in my life and I sure don’t need to make any more for myself! It happened, so I made the best I could out of my situation (although I did get a bit snippy at the car in the drive thru ahead of me at 7:30! And that didn’t get me anything either!)

Seriously, it’s taken me a really really long time (like forty-plus years!) to realize that not getting angry at the Universe is an option and it’s not admitting defeat.  It’s simply changing strategies.  There’s an obstacle in your way? Go around it! I can gripe and whine and b*tch about spending 20 hours a week in the car and it won’t change my situation; it’ll just make me tense and upset and angry. What can I do that’s productive while I’m in the car? I can listen to something informative or enjoyable- problem solved! It’s not an obstacle anymore; I made it an opportunity instead!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jumping Through Hoops: There’s Always a Loophole!

Most of us are used to things like paperwork, phone trees and red tape: nothing is ever simple anymore! Calling an agency to get a stupid fax number means giving out your name, your number and whatever ‘file’ or ‘reference’ number you’re ‘calling about’!  Seriously??  “I’m calling to get a dang fax number!! As soon as you get the dang fax, you’ll know what this is about!!”

The truth is that ‘modern life’ is full of different kinds of stressors and hassles and it’s a never-ending drama.  As soon as one problem resolves itself, another pops up.  Welcome to the Real World!  While we all know this, we usually don’t deal with it very well when it comes to weight loss, eating healthy and working out.  We use reality and its issues as excuses to blow off the healthy meal choice, the workout schedule or losing weight: “I can’t deal with one more thing today- it’ll have to wait until tomorrow/ next week/ after the holidays.”

Okay…so when exactly are you not going to have ‘something going on?’  Here’s my Real Life example: my mother had major back surgery the first week of August (it is now the middle of November) and since then has been in a convalescent hospital.  My dad (who is her retired ex-husband) has been visiting her every other day, mainly to shuttle her stuff back and forth between her house and the hospital and pick up her mail.  It also means he’s been caring for her dogs those days.  The days he doesn’t come (he lives 75 miles away), I’ve been going to her house to care for her dogs and bring in her mail.  I work five days a week with a 4 hour commute round trip; I work out three days a week and on the weekends, I spend a half day Saturdays and Sundays at her house to give her dogs some outside time and some people time.  This means I’m usually leaving for work around 6:45 a.m. (normal time) but I’m getting home around 8:00 p.m. which is not normal, even on workout nights!  In addition to my job, her dogs and my work out schedule, I also have my own pets and my own errands (like vehicle maintenance, grooming appointments and oh yeah a personal life?)  So right in the middle of this mess, my car decides to break down for the second time in less than a month, which means I had to borrow my sister’s car- so grateful!! But mine took a week to get repaired, mainly due to the incompetence of the repair shop.  As a result, I missed one workout because I was getting my car towed, and I missed the following day’s workout because we thought my mom was getting out of the hospital and we had to pick up her belongings.  By the time we realized that wasn’t happening, I’d missed my class! This past Monday, still driving my sister’s car, I showed up at my gym for my workout class only to realize my membership tag was on my car keys. In the shop with my car! GRRR!!! Luckily, my gym has an app with my ‘card’ on it, so I was able to make it to that class at least!

The point isn’t that I’ve got a buttload of excuses not to make my workouts, not to prepare a healthy dinner (at 8:00 p.m.) and plenty of excuses to eat fast food and lay around the house ‘resting.’  I’ve got great ‘reasons’ to ‘worry about my goals later.’  The point is that if I just decided to ‘take a break’ from my goals and go back to working out and eating healthy after my mom gets home from the hospital, I’d’ve been waiting for three months already! “Let me put my goals on hold for a quarter of the year, and counting!”

The point is that life is always this way!  It’s kind of how life works: we do what we want in spite of the real world! Believe me, I’m not some superwoman; there are a few nights where I blew off my cardio class to go home and go to bed (like at 7:30 p.m.)! I figured if I were too dang tired to make it to my workout, then I was at least going to do something productive and get some much needed sleep! Although I think it was a better decision that further exhausting myself, I am still not happy about it, mainly because the cardio class is only 8 sessions and it’s not included in my gym membership (where I can show up at the pool to do a workout on my own).

I admit that my weight loss has suffered, mainly because stress and lack of sleep really get in the way.  There have also been some holiday-related treats which probably would have happened without the added stress as an excuse to splurge. The point I am trying to make is that we need to fight for our goals despite what life throws at us.  It’s okay to pick your battles, like when I opted to go home to bed rather than making my cardio class.  I had to ask myself which would be more benefit to me, and honestly, I still think I was a little lazy, even though I pretty much fell asleep as soon as I got into bed! As for waiting until the craziness to stop? I’d be waiting forever! My goals are important to me and I know it’s going to take work to get there, even without the nutty schedule I’ve got right now.

The point I’m trying to reinforce is that if we want to find an excuse or a ‘reason’ to do or not do something, we will always find it.  There will always be something that’s ‘not convenient,’ such as working late, being sick, having a lot of errands, feeling stressed, or just not ‘feeling like it.’  I know at the pool, the classes have been getting smaller and smaller, partly I am sure due to the colder weather, and partly because of the upcoming holidays.  People are busy and that’s their choice, but if you claim you are ‘working hard’ towards your goals, then why are you letting excuses get in your way?

There are a lot of people, including some of my friends, who look at how busy my life is and tell me that I’m entitled to take a day off.  I think they’re right, especially since the last time I let myself get run down, I caught a cold.  I also know that skipping my classes doesn’t make me feel better- it adds to my stress because ‘now I missed a workout!’  I’d rather make my workout, do something I enjoy doing with people I like and feel better mentally and physically.  If my workouts don’t make me feel better, then I am not going to do them, and neither should you! I chose these classes because I like how they make me feel- getting the exercise and building strength are bonuses to me.  They are what I want to do and what I would be doing with my time if Real Life weren’t getting in my way, so they are not a sacrifice or a burden- they are my ‘fun time.’

I’ve heard it said that we make the time for things that are important to us, and I believe that is true.  One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Thomas Paine: “what we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.” I remind myself of that often.  If it didn’t cost us anything, then we don’t value it enough.  That’s why I make the time for workouts and for eating healthy.  Getting this far has been a lot of work and effort and throwing it away to eat chips and burgers and other junk food is simply not an option for me.  Finding workout classes that I enjoy was more effort and time as well as money, so throwing those away aren’t options either! These things- my health and my happiness- are important to me, which is why I will be driving to the gym after work and then driving to my mom’s to feed and play with the dogs and then driving home to throw together a salad and reheating rotisserie chicken for the hundredth time! (FYI: not taking care of her dogs is also not an option!) I worked hard to get here, and I’m not going to hop through some ‘excuse loophole’ to cheat myself out of my hard work!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Variety of Hobgoblins: Consistency Doesn’t Have to Be Boring!

One of the quotes I used to hear a lot is the “consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds”  by Ralph Waldo Emerson (the complete quote actually says “a foolish consistency”).  I think most people use it to mean getting stuck in a rut is easier than thinking of solutions all day.  Why use your brain all day long when you can follow the same little track?  In other words, consistency is for boring stupid people.  Remember, “variety is the spice of life!”

You can see the problem when it comes to weight loss: we are constantly being told by others to be consistent when it comes to our healthy eating habits, and we are constantly (consistently??) being told by others that we need variety in our lives to keep us from getting bored with the ‘healthy stuff.’  Some of the complaints I hear a lot is that ‘healthy food doesn’t taste so great’ and ‘I get bored fast eating healthy.’  I’m not going to lie: I can eat the same thing over and over again and rarely get bored with it, and it doesn’t matter if it’s the ‘healthy stuff’ or not.  I used to eat the same Jack in the Box meal night after night, and that’s just one example.  It has nothing to do with how yummy or not-yummy something is; for me, it’s usually how hungry or not-hungry I am and whether I ‘want to eat’ or not. So, for me, while I understand what they mean, it’s never been much of a problem for me.

The exception was processed foods vs whole foods.  The more processed a food is, the more chemicals and ‘flavor boosters’ it has in it.  These foods are designed to keep you eating more of them by being ‘highly palatable.’  That’s a nice way of saying they are addictive (‘betcha can’t eat just one!’) So when you taste something that’s processed, it never tastes like something made from a whole food.  I recently saw a salsa taste test on America’s Test Kitchen where the tester tried to fool the host: along with the sample of jarred processed salsas for her to taste was a homemade sample made right there in the test kitchen. It tasted different, obviously (she used the word ‘fresh’ to describe it).  What she wasn’t tasting were all the chemicals and preservatives used in the jarred salsa to keep it from spoiling or to ‘boost the flavor.’  For me, when I stopped eating processed foods and started eating more whole foods, the blandness was the most noticeable change.  Although I knew why it tasted blander and was kind of expecting it, it was still an adjustment. However, eating more whole and nutrient dense foods was more important to me than just taste, so I stuck with it.  I was boringly consistent!

And it paid off! In that first year, I lost almost 100 lbs by not starving myself, not exercising myself to death (hardly exercised at all, really!) and by not eating ‘weird diet food.’ I simply stopped eating high carb processed foods for more low carb whole foods (veggies).  In that first year, I stopped two diabetes medications and in the second year I stopped my hypertension medication too!  Still not killing myself with exercise or starving or eating weird diet food! Being healthy and losing weight has more to do with giving your body the right nutrition rather than counting calories or macros or killing yourself with kettlebells.  Eating real nutrient dense food instead of something that comes in a box or a can or a powder will do more for your weight loss than doing seven workouts a week!

When it came to eating healthy food, I was boringly consistent (that hobgoblin is now my pet!) and I used it to my advantage. I ate a lot of the same kinds of foods over and over again: things like spinach, salad greens, shredded cabbage, broccoli, brussels sprouts (not so much cauliflower) and a lot of different unprocessed meats like roasted chicken, beef, lamb, and pork.  On weekends, it’s a lot of bacon or sausage and eggs for breakfast.  So while it may look pretty boring, I do spice it up with what I like! I used to make my own simple salad dressing: balsamic or apple cider vinegar, olive or avocado oil and Trader Joes 21 Seasoning Salute or any other spice blend that I like.  (Now, honestly I use mainly Primal Kitchen brand salad dressings because they are made with avocado oil.)  I also make my own spice blend for my meats. I sprinkle on a mix of garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, curry powder and sometimes a little red pepper flakes.  Trader Joes just came out with a garlic salt blend that works pretty good too!  As for the salads, I add in things like avocados, onions (green, red or white), peppers of all colors, sprouts, radishes, carrot shreds, heirloom tomatoes and anything else that looks good in the produce department!

Another thing happened while I was being boringly consistent with healthy eating choices: when I tasted the processed foods I used to enjoy so much, they just tasted weird to me.  When I started eating whole foods, I noticed the absence of all those chemicals in the natural foods, but when I ate the processed foods again, I could really taste them!  And it wasn’t just ‘fake cherry flavor’ that I was tasting: I was tasting all the chemicals and additives they put in during processing.  It’s as if all those ‘flavor boosters’ are there to hide the chemical taste in the food.  It doesn’t taste good to me anymore, which makes it easier to give up.  Remember when you were a kid and the first time you tasted coffee or beer and you probably made a face or spit it out? “Why do grownups drink that yuck?!” Because grownups get used to the taste! Just like we get used to the taste of the sugary sweet jarred pasta sauce and the fake mapley taste in the fake maple syrup (personally, I used the real stuff when I made pancakes- another acquired taste!)

While my menus may look like the same boring thing night after night (“I had salad and rotisserie chicken again last night”), there is quite a lot of variety in there!  Think about it: long before people began processing food in factories, all their foods were ‘whole foods’ and we developed as many different ways of cooking it as there are people on the planet! If you are tired of Mexican, how about Chinese? Tired of Chinese? Then how about Moroccan? That plain piece of beef can be Italian, Indonesian, or Southwestern! Whole foods don’t have to be boring, unless you want them to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“YOU Have to Want This”: Weight Loss, Mindset & Motivation

I know this sounds like a stupidly obvious statement, but remember the last time you did something because someone (most likely someone important to you) told you that you should do it? So you did it, but maybe you didn’t do it very well or you didn’t like doing it? We all know what it’s like doing something when our heart just isn’t in it, and sometimes that makes it ten times harder than it has to be.  I remember not too long ago, I went over to a friend’s party and I had been looking forward to it when I agreed to go, but then everything in between got really busy and I was pretty fried by the date of the party and really, all I wanted to do was stay home and catch up on some other things.  But… my friends were really looking forward to my being there and I didn’t want to disappoint them, and I told myself it’d be fun once I got there, so I went.  It wasn’t a disaster but it seemed to last forever and when I got home, I was even more tired than before.  It was pretty much my one ‘free day’ out of my weekend, since Sunday is usually ‘prep for the week’ day.  I went to please my friends but if it had been up to me, I’d’ve just stayed home.

And that’s the thing: it was up to me.  I’m sure my friends would have understood even though they’d have been disappointed, but I didn’t want to disappoint them.  It was fun, though probably not as relaxing as lying on the sofa reading a book or working a puzzle or just playing with the dog.  It made for a long day and a short weekend, which made the following week a little longer than it should have been.  The point is that since my heart wasn’t in it, it was harder than it had to be, and that was a party!  Imagine doing something that’s pretty hard to start with, like losing weight and being healthier.  Now imagine that your heart isn’t in it.  So what do you think your success rate is going to be?

The problem is that when it comes to losing weight, we all think it’s what we want to do.  Surely no one in their right mind wants to be fat and unhealthy! Right?? But when it comes to weight loss, it’s not as simple as that.  “Of course I want to lose weight! Why would I want to be fat?!?” If weight loss were as simple as changing your shirt or cutting your hair or even just having the bariatric surgery, we would probably all do it without a second thought (well, maybe a second thought about the surgery), but the truth of the matter is that it is damn hard because it’s not just one thing we have to change.  It’s not just “don’t eat donuts” and we lose weight, or “get a gym membership” and we lose weight.  Even when it comes to the surgery, anyone who has seen My 600 lb Life has heard Dr. Nowzaradan tell his patients that without controlling their eating habits, the surgery will be wasted.  Weight loss isn’t just changing one thing: it’s changing nearly our entire lifestyle.  It’s a complex network of changes that need to be made and many of them depend on each other.

It’s not like dominos, where if one falls the whole network falls apart, but rather it’s like navigation. If you verge off course by one degree, the longer you travel, the farther off course you are going to be, and eventually you will be totally lost.  That ‘one degree’ will become 10 or 20 degrees in a very short amount of time.  You can still get back on course once you realize where you went off track, but it will take some time to get back to where you were before you ‘went one degree off.’ We’ve all done this: we’re ‘eating healthy’ but then it’s someone’s birthday (or something else that’s ‘special’) so we treat ourselves to a Forbidden Food and we tell ourselves, it’s just one time, but then a couple days later, we have something else that’s special and then we maybe have a little more of something ‘healthy’ than we should or we feel like munching in the evening even though we aren’t hungry after dinner and then a couple weeks later we look at the dinner on our plate or the scale or our ‘fat pants’ are tight again, and we ask ourselves ‘what happened to my diet?’ The bad decisions- the being off course one degree- builds on itself the same way the good decisions do.  It’s because weight loss- and weight gain- are all interwoven into our lifestyle, and that’s what makes them so hard to change.  If it were as easy as “don’t eat donuts,” we could all lose weight without thinking about it!

This is why we really have to want to lose weight.  It’s a helluva lot of work to change one habit- there’s an entire industry geared to help us do that, and when it comes to losing weight, eating healthier and being more active, we have to incorporate healthy new habits while getting rid of the bad unhealthy habits. We are changing our behaviors left and right, and to do both those things successfully (because we all know how to do them badly!), we have to change the way we think about food, eating and activity, and that means it’s a whole lotta work! Therefore, if your heart isn’t in it, if you’re only doing it because someone you love said you ‘should’ do, if you do not really want this for yourself, YOU WILL FAIL.  Please understand that just because you fail at this doesn’t mean that you don’t really want it- it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you or you have some kind of subconscious self-destructive streak.  It just means you probably took the wrong approach or you took on too much at once, but if you do not want to make these changes for yourself, then you don’t have the motivation you need to get started on a pretty big and difficult project, and you won’t have the drive to stick with this project, because it is a Project.  It’s not a ‘diet,’ and it’s not temporary.  Being overweight and unhealthy is the result of that being one degree off course: it’s the result of a long series of food and lifestyle choices.  One degree + one degree + one degree + one degree over 40+ years = 438 lbs + bad knees + type 2 diabetes.  Correcting that course is done pretty much the same way: one good choice + more good choices + years of making those same good choices.  It’s not “don’t eat donuts” only on Tuesdays or only until the end of the year: it’s “don’t eat donuts” every day for the foreseeable future.  It means you have to keep making the course corrections every day all the time wherever you are, and that is work.  We’ve all agreed to ‘be good’ because Someone Important wants you to be healthier, but how many of us have been out with friends and mumbled ‘don’t tell my Someone Important’ as we stuff pizza or chips in our mouth?  Just because they don’t see you eat the Forbidden Food doesn’t mean that your body ignores it; it just means the Someone Important won’t scold you for eating it.  ‘Not getting caught’ does not equal success at weight loss and nutrition.  Success comes from not-eating the chips and pizza and choosing the vegetables and healthy options instead. If we really want it and we are committed to making those changes, we will get the success we want. It means we have to become the Someone Important when it comes to making these changes.  We are the ones who are telling ourselves not to eat the Junior Mints or the chips and we have to remember to bring our gym bag because we are going to the spin class tonight and we have to go for a walk at lunch time rather than sitting at our desk and shopping online.

The things that are important to us- the things we really want- are what drive our behavior and our decisions.  They keep us focused on our goals; they keep us on course to where we want to go. It means we have to do the hard work making changes all the time, not just when it suits us or someone else is watching.  If we really want it and we are really committed to it, then we put in the hard work because the goal is worth it to us.  There is a nice little bonus to putting in all the heavy lifting that goes with making all the lifestyle changes, and it’s not just that we reach our goals: it’s that the more we make the everyday changes, the easier they become! And sometime, long before we reach our goals, we realize that all that hard work isn’t really work anymore!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victimology, Circumstance & Weight Loss

I’m an old ‘true crime’ junkie and I’m pretty sure it shows in a lot of ways.  One of the things I’ve learned through years of books, documentaries and a variety of police procedural shows is that the study of the victim (victimology) usually has its merits.  “What made this victim attractive to the perpetrator?”

But when it comes to weight loss, obesity is no more a ‘perpetrator’ than life itself.  Unfortunately, too many of us who are obese feel like victims.  That’s bad enough, especially when we are the real victims of verbal abuse and ridicule, but there are those who embrace the role of the victim.  They love playing the part.  When we are the victim of a crime, we are innocent victims– someone did something to us and we were helpless to stop them.   In most of life’s circumstances, like a mugging or a car accident, this is totally true.  We were on our way to Target and some guy runs the red light and now we have broken leg and a smashed up car: not our fault!

However, obesity is not something that ‘happens’ to you like a car accident or a bad case of the measles.  It’s not something you ‘catch’ and it’s not an ‘event.’ Obesity and all its evil gang of cohorts doesn’t jump you in the parking lot and suddenly, now you are fat with type 2 diabetes, arthritis and hypertension.  I’m sorry to tell you, but obesity is the result of a longtime eating pattern full of unhealthy choices and it’s usually accompanied by a long standing lifestyle of sitting down. Obesity didn’t ‘happen’ to us; we did it to ourselves. We are not its victims.

No one likes hearing that, including me.  It seems to validate every rotten thing the media and insensitive idiots have told us: we’re fat because we’re pigs who eat too much.  But that is so not true!  It’s way more complicated than just ‘eating too much.’ It’s the result of a lot of bad science and bad advice along with the poor lifestyle choices and just plain bad habits we’ve developed over the years.  The Obesity Epidemic has made it pretty clear that there were a lot of other people who also followed this bad advice, again, me included!

The good news is that since our choices led us to be obese, our choices can lead us to be healthier too.  It’s not going to be a quick transformation, since it took years for us to become obese and unhealthy, but we will get there as long as we are consistent with our healthy choices.  We consistently chose the processed foods that led us to be obese so we have to be just as consistent in picking the better options. Most of us understand this and even if we aren’t exactly thrilled about taking the long hard road to healthy, we aren’t giving up.  We continue to fight for our health.

But there are those of us who love being the victim.  Being a victim means we are the ‘innocent’ victim and that obesity ‘happened’ to us because of someone else and ‘it’s not our fault.’  I really really wish that were true!  Yes, I listened to the bad science and the bad advice and that is part of the reason that I got to be ~440 lbs.  The other part is all the mochas and Payday bars and the constant Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru nights.  And then there were all the Panera bagels and the pasta and breadsticks along with everything else! I knew none of that was good for me, even if it was on the ‘good food’ list of whole grain carbs! One bagel was okay but a bagel every day? Probably not! And being sedentary certainly didn’t help matters either! So, yes, the FDA gave me some really crappy advice but eating everything I wanted as much as I wanted was definitely much worse than the 11 servings of ‘healthy whole grains’ the FDA advised. So, yes, the bad advice happened to me, but I made some really crappy decisions that were my choice.  If I were a victim, it was of my own idiocy.

But it’s a whole lot easier to blame someone or something else for our obesity: it’s my mom’s fault for hiding the cookies when I was a kid; it’s my parents’ fault for not teaching me good eating habits when I was a kid; it’s the school’s fault for feeding me terrible lunches; it’s my babysitter’s fault for buying me fast food all the time.  Blah blah blah! All of those things may have actually happened, but they are not to blame. It would be so much easier to lie around eating granola bars and whatever else I wanted and blaming life, fate or my family for why I’m so miserable. I could be blamelessly fat and since it’s not my fault, I wouldn’t have to do anything about it. It ‘happened’ to me, like the broken wrist I’ve got and the scar over my left eye.  I have no responsibility at all for how I eat or how I was taught to eat. I have many fond memories of going out for burgers as kid and making instant oatmeal in the mornings before school and making boxed pasta dinners in the evenings.  Yes, I grew up on frozen waffles and sandwiches with processed lunchmeat and instant hot cocoa.  I can also blame my parents’ divorce(s) and my crappy home life as a child for why I hid bags of potato chips in my room, but even if I were to stretch the blame as far as it will go to include every bad thing that happened to me as the reason for why I was 47 years old and well on my way to 500 lbs, it doesn’t solve anything!   Why I was obese isn’t the problem.  The problem is that I was obese, and blaming everything and everyone else isn’t going to make me un-obese.  Thinking of yourself as a victim takes away your power and your responsibility.  It leaves you with your problem and offers you no solutions.  Finding a solution means I have to let go of blame and being the victim. How I ended up being obese only matters if I’m looking for the mistakes I made so I don’t make them again. I prefer to see myself as a problem solver instead of the victim of a problem. Like everything else in our lives, we are the product of our choices and the product of circumstances.  Whether something happens to us or we choose it, we have to deal with those consequences.  We can let them define us as a victim or we can use them to make us stronger.

 

 

 

 

Science Experiments in the Kitchen: Better Living with Chemicals?

I’m usually in two minds about cooking.  I did most of the cooking when I was growing up.  My parents divorced when I was about 8 and once I was tall enough to reach the stove-top, cooking was my job!  I didn’t exactly hate it, mainly because I didn’t know anything else, but once I was an adult and living on my own, I cooked as little as possible! (I stopped dating one guy because he made it clear he expected me to be the ‘traditional housewife’- been there-DONE with that!)

The whole Not-Cooking mindset meant I ate mostly fast food and prepared/ processed foods, and in those days, there were not a lot of healthy options.  Fast food was burgers, fries, burritos, tacos, etc. and prepared processed foods meant a lot of quick carbs, and whenever possible, I ate as much bread as I could get down my throat.  ‘Eating healthy’ usually meant eating something low fat and low sodium with as many of those ‘healthy whole grains’ as I could get.  In short, it was a recipe for disaster.

Going back to cooking was probably one of the hardest things for me.  To be honest, I still don’t like it much and I really don’t have the patience for measuring out this and mixing up that and then letting it simmer for however many minutes. Sometimes when I happen to watch a cooking show, and they have something that needs to be heated or marinated or brined for hours, that is far too many steps for me. The same goes for something with a long list of ingredients: too much freaking trouble!

For me, food is simple.  I like something exotic or complex as much as the next person; I just don’t like it enough to make it myself! One of the podcasts I listen to is 2 Keto Dudes, and both hosts are true keto gourmands. Their recipes are pretty complex, but what I find more than a little off-putting for me is that they sometimes use ingredients that sound like part of a science experiment to me.  I really don’t want to add sodium citrate to my grated cheese so I can make a ‘melty creamy cheese sauce’ for a Philly type cheesesteak sandwich on some ‘keto friendly’ bread made with something else that sounds like it belongs in a lab.  While I do try keeping my carbs low (about 50 g daily), my goal isn’t to be keto or ‘zero carb.’  My goal is to eat healthy real food.  Recently, I heard an interview with Mark Sisson on the Primal Potential podcast, and I think he hit the nail on the head when he said (paraphrasing here) “most Americans want to eat as much as they can for the fewest calories they can.”  Basically, the attitude is ‘how much can I eat without gaining weight?’

I think this is what’s happened with a lot of the ‘keto craze’: how can I give the food I used to eat a keto makeover so I can still have donuts, waffles and bread? When you listen to the hosts of 2 Keto Dudes, their attitude toward bread, donuts, waffles, etc is that they are horrible foods that can make you sick if you eat them every day.  Whether that’s true or not isn’t the point here.  Their attitude towards the keto version of these foods is that they’re wonderful and not ‘carbage’ (their word) and they taste delicious.  Again, the truth of this statement isn’t the point, especially since I’ve never tasted them so I can’t voice an opinion.  The point I am trying to make is that much of our current health problems with processed foods came from scientists and food manufacturers trying to find ways of making food taste better, be ready faster, and more convenient and presentable to the public.  Reading the reviews for several Paleo friendly versions of foods, I find there are a lot of complaints about ‘texture’ and a ‘strange after taste’ and other ‘aesthetics.’  The Paleo cookie doesn’t taste like a ‘real’ cookie so “save your money!” This is why we have frozen pizza with ‘rising crust’ and deep dish in ‘its own pan’ and it ‘tastes as good as delivery!’  We keep trying to find cheaper, easier shortcuts to get fast flavorful food that tastes as good as the ‘old fashioned’ foods we want.  Why spend most of the day making lasagna at home when we can buy it in a box and have it done in an hour?  So what if it’s full of chemicals and preservatives? It tastes home-made!

For a lot of Paleo, keto and other ‘specialty diet’ followers, including vegetarians and vegans (not all but a lot), their attitude is simply ‘processed food is killing us’ and for the most part, I agree.  One of the reasons I chose Paleo is because it’s real food and it’s real simple.  That is pretty much my criteria when it comes to food and most things I use: the fewer chemicals in it, the better.  This is why I think it’s strange that some keto eaters, Paleo people, vegans and vegetarians will opt for some kind of chemical additive to make non-meat look or taste like meat, make non-wheat/ grain bread look or taste like ‘normal’ bread or make their cheese sauce creamy without adding flour as a binder.  They would rather add something like sodium citrate, guar gum or xanthan gum to make a cheese sauce that tastes like a ‘normal’ cheese sauce.  Reminder here: that cheese sauce wasn’t good for you to start with, so why do you want to eat something like it? These are usually the same people who will tell you that fake sugar sweeteners are as bad for you or worse than plain old sugar and honey, but they don’t see the difference when it comes to switching out flour for ground psyllium husks in bread or tortillas or other low carb swaps to make their favorite non-keto/ Paleo foods.

For me, a big part of eating healthier is eating real food with as few chemicals as possible.  I’m all for a swap when it doesn’t stretch my boundaries too far, so like all things, it’s about limits.  Breading chicken with crushed pork rinds instead of crackers is okay and I’ll even go as far as having a Paleo cookie made with almond flour.  In fact, I recently bought some ‘Paleo cookies’ and the deciding factor wasn’t the reviews about texture but rather the ingredient list: Almond Flour, Raw Unfiltered Honey, Maple Syrup, Pecans, Coconut Oil, Sea Salt, Cinnamon, Vanilla Extract. For me, the flour started as whole almonds that I can toss in a mixer and grind myself.  The same with the pork rind crumbs: I can throw them in a baggie and mash them up myself.  But xanthan gum? Psyllium husks? That’s up there with some of the long unpronounceable additives I find on the Doritos bag and those are big red stop signs to me.  If I have to start shopping in the science department for my dinner, I think I’ll go without.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take a Deep Breath and Calm Down! Letting Go of the Weight Loss Drama

Some people love drama, and I don’t mean This Is Us.  They love the drama in their lives and they love creating drama.  It makes them feel important or successful or in some way validates the stress in their lives.  My former Boss From Hell was one of those Drama Queens.  She’d wait until the last minute to write her motion or brief or whatever was due and then it was Drama City all day long!  She was ‘on a deadline’ and couldn’t talk to anyone.  The Associate and I hated it because it usually meant one or both of us would end up working late and driving it to the post office while the other one was stuck at the office filing it electronically with the Court.  She did it on purpose, because if the Associate had already finished the pleading days earlier, she would wait until the due date to ‘review’ it, which really meant she rewrote it and turned a 4 page brief into a 24 page brief.  (In one case, the judge actually put a page limit on all briefs because he had to read them!)

She was only one of the Drama Queens in my life (I’ll spare you the others!)  The point is that she created most of the drama in her life.  The solution was usually pretty simple, but she didn’t want a solution- she wanted the drama!  It created a big “look at me” scene where she got to be the center of attention.  Most of us enjoy being the center of attention at some time or another, especially if it’s for something we did well.  But when we create drama to use as an excuse, then it becomes a problem!

We make the drama in our lives a problem when we try losing weight because we tend to use it as excuse to stay locked into our old bad habits: we can’t make it to the gym because we have to pick up the kids or we have to work late.  We can’t ‘eat healthy’ because there’s a work luncheon and they’re bringing in sandwiches or pizza or something else so you have to eat that! Or you can’t cook something healthy because you were stuck working late for the crazy Boss From Hell again and so you have to pick up fast food. Oh, wait- that last one was actually me, more times than I can count!  And it’s a good example of what I’m talking about.

When we use the drama in our lives as an excuse not to make the healthy or simply happier changes we are ‘trying to make,’ then the drama goes beyond being just an excuse and becomes something harmful.  It becomes something that actually hurts us and can quite probably kill us.  Yes, I know I’m sounding awfully dramatic myself here, but I also know the last six months I worked the Job From Hell, I was quite literally scared it was going to kill me, and after I quit that job, several of my family and friends said the same thing.  I was so stressed I couldn’t sleep, my nerves were shot and I was having panic attacks, I was eating crappy junk food all the time, my weight was going up about as fast as my health was going to hell.  Why did I let myself get so sick and unhealthy? Because I was wrapped up in the all the drama too!

Why did I eat so much crappy fast food? Because I worked late almost every night! I was just too tired and emotionally drained to worry about making anything reasonably healthy!  Why was I so tired all the time? Because I was so stressed over my crazy job I could hardly sleep! I was so invested in the drama The Job From Hell generated that it never occurred to me to take a step back and get some perspective on it.  A glaringly huge Simple Fix I see now is switching out the fast food for healthier just-as-fast options!  Recently, my home life has gotten crazier than normal and I’ve been joking that I’m keeping the same hours I did at TJFH, but the biggest change is that when I am driving home at 7:15 or 7:30 at night and there’s nothing to eat or nothing prepared, instead of stopping at a fast food place (and I pass several), I stop at a grocery store and I pick up a bag of salad and something like cold rotisserie chicken.  It doesn’t take any longer than it did going through a drive-thru (and in some cases less time) and while it may not be what I planned on or wanted, it’s a whole lot healthier! Truth be told, it makes me feel much better mentally and physically than the fast food.  There are a few days, knowing I have the salad and something I can throw in the cast iron skillet waiting at home, I just go home and cook it!  The meat will cook while I throw the salad together and eat that; and other days, I just settle for scrambled eggs.

The situation is still pretty much the same: I’ve got too much going on, a lot of stress in my life, I’m tired and hungry and I just want to get home, relax with my dog and have dinner.  What’s changed is how I choose to focus on the Solution rather than the Drama.

Sometimes there is no Solution: I got stuck working late and now I’ve missed my water aerobics class.  But I still have a choice about investing in the Drama.  I missed the class so I can either go home and get some rest or go to the pool and do some swimming.  Either option is viable, because odds are I probably need the rest, but if it’s not too late and I feel like it, I can just go to the pool.  There have been several days I showed up at the pool when the class had only ten minutes left: I show up, get ten minutes of water aerobics and then swim for another half hour or so.  No drama, no gnashing of teeth or wringing of hands and no huge convoluted Story about how everything in my life is a trainwreck.

That last part is pretty important.  Investing in the Drama creates stress in your life, which causes a stress response in your body.  It’s okay to feel stress, because it happens to everyone, and most of the time, it’s an appropriate response to what’s going on in your life.  But when you manufacture the stress, like The Boss From Hell did, or when you bury yourself emotionally in that stress, you are causing a higher than normal or prolonged stress response in your body.  Your body goes on high alert: your blood pressure, breathing and heart rate usually go up and you become tense.  If this situation lasts more than a few hours, it can and usually does affect your sleep.  Your body doesn’t care if this is an emotional stress (you got bad news about a family member), a work stress (your financial report is late and the boss is mad) or a physical stress (someone hit you). Stress means danger, so it conserves your resources, i.e. your fat stores.  You might need the extra energy to recover from whatever happened or to survive an extended period of deprivation.  That’s how we are designed: something is wrong and we need to make sure we survive! This is one of the reasons it was nearly impossible for me to lose weight working at TJFH: my body was constantly on high alert, conserving all it could!

When you invest yourself emotionally in the stressful situation, you’ve lost your perspective on it.  It’s hard to get your distance on the situation and see things clearly, because it means you have to let go of that drama. You have to admit that maybe you’ve not made the best choices you could have and that this drama is an excuse to keep hitting the drive-thru.  It’s your excuse for not reaching- or even working on- the goals you’ve set.  It’s hard to let go of the drama and even harder still to admit that maybe you screwed up.  Blaming the drama is easier: it absolves you of your mistakes but it also robs you of your power.  You can’t “make good choices” because something or someone else has prevented you from doing that.  How can I be expected to work out two or three times a week when I’m constantly leaving for work at 6:30 a.m. and getting home at 8:00 p.m. at night?  When am I supposed to find the time? (FYI: that is my current schedule right now!)  We make the time for the things that are important to us.  Some of those nights when I get home that late, it’s because I went to the gym.  Yes, it makes for another long day in an ongoing series of long days, but like the grocery store ‘fast food,’ I feel better emotionally (“I’m so proud I made my workout!”) and physically (no “I’m so stiff from sitting down all day.”) Letting go of the drama means that I weigh my choices objectively: is the workout going to make me feel better or do I need the rest more? Sometimes, it’s the rest and sometimes, it’s the workout, but either way, I made my choice without Investing in the Drama.  I refuse to allow the chaos and drama in my life to make my choices for me. Whatever drama is going on in my life, my behavior is still my choice, and the only drama I ‘invest’ in these days is on the tv.

Be True to You: Staying on Track

This is what makes weight loss so hard.  When we talk about ‘staying on track’ or ‘getting back on the wagon,’ we make it sound like it’s only ONE thing we need to do, but really it isn’t.  If it were as simple as following a path or climbing back into a car, we could all do it, but a single phrase like ‘staying on track’ involves a whole lot of interrelated actions that all work toward a single goal: weight loss.  It’s all of these actions that cause the problems and make it so hard to do.

Most of us know what these actions are pretty much by heart: it’s not only what to eat, but what not to eat; it’s what to do and what not to do; and it’s also about how to think about yourself and about your goals.  Most people usually miss the whole mindset part of this because we tell ourselves it’s not as important as the eating and acting, but the thinking drives the eating and acting.  If our heads aren’t on straight, our actions and eating won’t be either.  When we get off track, we usually tell ourselves “I need to get my head together,” but as soon as we think we are ‘back together,’ we focus on the eating and actions again, until we find ourselves back off track- again!

Most of us start with our eating and we make two lists: What to Eat and What Not to Eat.  Usually the idea of How Much to Eat is tied up in that too.  We put down things like vegetables/ salads, chicken breast and lean meats, cottage cheese, and other typical ‘diet foods on the Good List, while the Bad List is full of cookies, chips, desserts and bakery items.  Ho-hum! Here we go again! We usually have a Calorie Limit too, so we can add up all the calories in the chicken breast and cottage cheese to make sure we don’t go over that magic number!

On the What Not to Do list, it’s usually pretty simple: no lying around on the sofa or recliner, less tv/ computer/ Facebook, or whatever non-active activity we like to do.  A lot of times, we include sleeping on this list, which is really a mistake! But we opt for less sleep and more exercise thinking along the old ‘move more, eat less’ standby for weight loss.  Obviously, moving more must be better for us than sleeping! We also include the No Snacking rule: no cookies, no candy, no bagels, no pizza and we avoid those parts of the stores or the breakroom at work, and we sit as far away from the bagels or pizza at the meetings and lunches.  We’re Being Good.

So we pack our food list full of the classic ‘healthy foods’ and our schedules full of as much exercise as we can do in a day, and we tell ourselves we are ‘getting back on track,’ and this time we are going to stay there! We think our determination is the right mindset and all we need is willpower to achieve our goals.

What most of us leave out of our mindset and our What Not to Do List is “don’t beat yourself up.” We’ve all done it: “I ate a bagel at the meeting! And it had cream cheese! And it was a huge bagel, too!”; “I had three slices of pepperoni pizza with the family for dinner!”; “Joanie had chocolate kisses on her desk and every time I walked by, I grabbed one or two! All day!!” We went off track again, so there must be something wrong with us.  We really really want to lose weight and be healthier, so why can’t we do it? The doctor told us we could end up diabetic/ hypertensive/ other health problems, so do we have a death wish since we can’t stick to the diet?

No, you don’t have a death wish and there’s nothing wrong with you, unless you count the beating-yourself-up behavior.  Hating yourself and self-recrimination doesn’t motivate people towards their goals.  All it does is make them (YOU) miserable. The problem (one of them anyway) is that you think of yourself as ‘broken’ or ‘substandard’ and unless you ‘fix’ yourself, you aren’t worth loving or valuing.  This is part of the wrong mindset that usually goes along with Staying on Track.  There’s nothing wrong with you, but we’ve all grown up looking at ourselves in the mirror and seeing what we don’t like.  That’s what we focus on: getting rid of the flabby thunderthighs and the batwing biceps and the muffin top.  Next time you are out in public, take a good long look at the rest of the world out there: there’s a lot of batwings, thunderthighs and muffin tops, even at the gym! That doesn’t mean we have to love our less-than-slender areas, but they don’t make us ugly and they don’t make us unlovable.  They make us human.

We also fall into the Perfection Rules! mindset when we Get Back on Track.  It’s a part of the beating ourselves up mentality: we had a bagel, the day is ruined, why not eat the Ben & Jerry’s? We’re already Off Track! The problem is that the next morning or that night, you’re going to be beating yourself up some more for the Ben & Jerry’s plus the bagel, and the next time you weigh in (another action on the ‘Good List’), you’re going to beat yourself up again if you haven’t lost the magic number of pounds.

All of this mindset and behavior needs to be on that What Not to Do List.  Don’t beat yourself up; don’t go all or nothing with perfection; and most of all, don’t set impossible goals! Don’t misunderstand me: goals are great. They give us something to aim for, but falling short of them shouldn’t be disaster. If you have the three slices of pizza, it’s not a national tragedy.  The same goes for not making it to your workout or sleeping in.

When most of us Get Back on Track, we try locking ourselves into rigid structures of behavior, eating and thinking.  For some of us, the rigid structure works, but for most of us, it just makes everything harder.  Setting really high goals is a good thing, as long as you have the steps to getting there in between. A goal such as losing thirty pounds in two months is really extreme for a lot of us, but setting a goal like losing a pound a week might be more realistic.  The same is true for the Good Foods/ Bad Foods lists and the Calorie Limit: these ‘lists’ should be more about sustainability rather than “off limits” & “diet foods.”

For most of us, the Calorie Limit is tied directly to what’s on these lists: avocados are out because they have too many calories; broccoli is in because it’s got so few! Both of those are pretty healthy for you in fact.  Avocados have a lot of fiber and a lot of healthy fat; broccoli also has a lot of fiber and both of them have a lot of nutrients.  Rather than eating for calories, if we eat for nutrition, we have more success overall.  We aren’t hungry all the time and we don’t feel deprived (major causes of going Off Track) and we usually have more energy.

When we feel good mentally and physically, it’s easier to Stay on Track.  This means actions like getting enough sleep, not pushing ourselves to stick to extreme workouts or schedules (i.e., if you sleep in on the weekend, it’s a good thing!) and allowing yourself time to relax and do what you enjoy.  It means things like allowing yourself a piece of pizza or a bagel now and then, and setting realistic goals for yourself.  This is a journey to a healthier self, not a punishment. Being miserable and thin isn’t any healthier than being miserable and overweight.  Staying on track is easier when you’re enjoying the journey and you’ll get there a lot faster if you eat the nutritious food you like, do the fun activities, and get some rest and relaxation.  You’ll like the person in mirror more and you’ll like the person you become.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indulgences: The Cost- Benefit Analysis

Brace yourself- the holidays are coming! For most of us, it begins with Halloween and buckets and buckets of candies and other sweets, followed by the Thanksgiving gorging and then a month-plus of Christmas cookies, cakes, and candies and the alcohol-fest that is New Years.  It pretty much has us surrounded until 2018! For me, this Food Fest actually begins in September, when our community has a pastry filled food festival followed by another one between Halloween and Thanksgiving, so once fall gets here, I’m surrounded by food!

I hear a lot of people complaining about all the treats around them and how hard they are to resist.  I see a lot of posts about how family members keep bringing these temptations into the house and how they keep giving in; how the Halloween candy they bought at the beginning of the month has all been eaten; how they went out for coffee with friends and ended up drinking a ginormous sweet drink with a cookie or muffin or scone.  If only people stopped shoving food and treats at them! How can they resist!

I know I ate my fair share of pastries at the food festival in September, and no one put a gun to my head.  I decided to eat them, and my ‘rationale’ was that I wait all year for this festival.  Were they worth it? They were really really delicious and I enjoyed every bite, but as for being ‘worth it?’  That’s still up for debate!

Basically, this is what it comes down to with every food choice we make.  Some of them are more obvious than others: the hamburger combo or the roast turkey with veggies; the iced tea with sweetener or the regular sugar soda; the bowl of berries or the bowl of ice cream.  Which is going to be better for us?  Which will make us feel better about ourselves and will help us reach our goals? Yeah, those are the ground-ball kind of choices!

The hard part comes with the ‘special’ foods, like the pastries we wait for each year, the bags of our favorite candies just lying around the house and the plates full of holiday cookies, etc.  It’s a holiday (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever!) and it’s time to celebrate! Why not indulge? It’s only once a year! For most of us, it is only once a year, but the ‘season’ lasts for about three months! There’s a ‘holiday’ a month for the rest of the year and there are countless opportunities to indulge! It’s not the ‘one cookie’ or the ‘one holiday drink/ coffee’ that is going to be the problem: it’s the pattern of behavior it can create.

I’ve been eating healthier for a couple of years now, and this will be my third ‘healthy holiday season,’ but it still takes practice.  The first year was pretty much an unmitigated disaster: all the ‘holiday indulgences that come once a year’ set me back about three months.  It was beyond disheartening.  Last year was better: I was pickier and indulged less, but the treats still did damage and set me back about a month or so.  This year, I have already noticed that the food festival pastries, while really good, were not worth the setback they always bring with them.  I indulged less (only a certain variety of pastry) and I was rewarded for my discretion: only a minor delay.

Of course, the bulk of the holidays haven’t gotten here yet, but I have noticed that the treats that were always so appealing and irresistible still look and smell appealing, but when the choice presents itself (coffee with cream or pumpkiny coffee drink; cinnamon apple cake or no cake), it’s not as hard as it used to be.  After a couple of holiday seasons of indulging, for me the ‘treat’ isn’t worth the setback and disappointment.  Just dealing with the delay from the September food festival was frustrating enough: the delay and frustration aren’t worth the few moments of eating the pastry, no matter how delicious they might be!

The same thing happened yesterday: while grocery shopping, I bought some Halloween candy, which included some caramels that my friend is fond of (and me too!) I bought them because we are having a get-together this weekend and I planned on bringing them, but I was hungry last night after a busy day and a busier weekend….. and I heard those caramels in the kitchen calling my name about 9:00 p.m. last night.  I actually got up and picked up the bag! Once I looked at it, however, I realized right away that eating even one or two of them- and face it, it wouldn’t be one or two!- they weren’t worth the few minutes of ‘yummy’ since I be disappointed in myself.  Even worse, giving in once or twice opens the door for making a new bad habit! This is where we justify our indulgences: I’ll go back to eating good after the holiday! Except there is always a reason to indulge! It’s a holiday; it’s a special occasion; it’s someone’s birthday! There is ONE reason not to indulge: our health; and there are a million reasons to indulge, but are any of them as important or as valuable as our health?

For me, this is another ground-ball question! I remember not being able to turn the wheel of my car without it rubbing against my belly or being tilted all the way up!  I remember my shoes being so tight my feet looked like they were going to break the straps.  I remember being short of breath just walking around Target- forget going to Costco! For me, there is a clear link between my eating choices and the ginormous improvement in my health already.  For a lot of people, the connection is not as clear or obvious because not a lot of people eat themselves to 400+ lbs.  When you weigh 250 and can still get around and be pretty active and pain-free, the ‘consequences of a cookie’ are less obvious: it’s a cookie! It’s not a bomb! How bad can one cookie be?

It wouldn’t be bad, if it were only one cookie! One cookie leads to another, like the bag of caramels in my cupboard! Making an excuse to indulge once makes it easier to indulge again and again. It leads to a pattern of indulging that gets in between us and our goals.  We trade the treats for our health, even if we don’t end up weighing 400 lbs; the weight of our own recrimination and disappointment are bad enough.  We’ve all been the person who ate a box/ bag/ pack of something we regretted and then beat ourselves up over it! Over time, I’ve learned the hard way to avoid the regret: the treats are not worth the delay, the frustration and the disappointment they really cost me! Even though I was tempted by the caramels last night, as soon as the bag was in my hand, the answer was clear to me: I’m not going to enjoy them, even if I eat them! Put down the candy!

No one is going to tell me not to eat the candy or the scones or the pumpkin loaf. No one except me, and that’s what makes it hard! If we were lighting up a cigarette in a bookstore, a dozen people would jump all over us and throw us out! But if we decide to drink a venti pumpkin latte, have a scone, a cookie and another treat in that same bookstore, no one would tell us “that’s enough calories and sugar! Put a stop to it now!” We have to decide if the indulgences are worth what they really cost us: slow or no progress, maybe a weigh gain, disappointment, increased cravings and all the other baggage they come with.  Only you know what baggage they bring for you and only you can decide if the payoff is worth it.  As for me, the pastries in September were good, but were they worth it? I think the price was a bit higher than I planned on!