Moments of Truth

Most people who are overweight have a stormy relationship with scales. I am no different. I don’t remember the last time we had a scale in the house that could handle my weight. Of course, that eventually became an excuse for being ignorant of how much I weigh. It really helped too that I didn’t want to know how much I weigh.

Even when I go to the doctor, I usually close my eyes when I get on the scale so I remain ignorant of my weight. If I don’t know how much I weigh, then I don’t have to deal with it. Losing weight for me has always been like playing the lotto, and I’ve got the same kind of luck, too!  I “win” a little, then ultimately end up losing my money with nothing to show for it.

Now that I am actually losing weight, for the first time in a very long time, I am curious about how much I weigh.  I know I have lost weight because, even though people comment on my weight loss (a subjective opinion), my clothes are getting big and roomy (an objective fact).  Despite my curiosity, I am still reluctant to look at the numbers on the scale. I’m afraid they won’t be as good as I think they are. Dealing with disappointment is always hard, but I have a history of finding the silver lining in every cloud and ripping it out.  I don’t want another disappointment to lead to a relapse, or worse, giving up on my lifestyle change.

Tomorrow, however, income face to face with the scale again. I am going to the doctor again for a follow up on my arthritis and other issues. As much as I’d like to look at the numbers on the scale, I’m scared to do so. I have already faced one moment of truth this week.

Part of my physical therapy involves pool exercises, which means I had to buy a swimsuit for the first time literally in decades. Obviously finding a suit in my size is not easy and I truly hate buying clothes. It has always been a traumatic experience, so of course, I was not looking forward to any of this.  Since they didn’t have a swimsuit in my size at the local Target (there’s a big shock!), I had to go with the biggest size they did have, which happens to be one size down from what I normally wear. As usual, I bought the clothes (it’s a two piece) and brought them home to try them on.  I am pleased to say they fit!! It was truly a “what da hell!”moment for me, then I promptly ripped the silver lining out of that cloud by noting that they didn’t fit as loosely as I would have liked.

However, the bottom line is that I am now wearing clothes a size smaller than I wore before, so whatever the scale says, big loss, small loss, the loss is at least worth one clothes size.  I faced that Moment of Truth and came away a winner; now I just have to face another one and get the hard cold numbers. Regardless of what the numbers are, I cannot let it derail my progress. Getting into the smaller size will help with that!

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