Well, I got the scale on Saturday, July 25th. I left it sitting in the bathroom, kind of giving it the evil eye, like it was a snake. Every time I got near it, starting thinking about weighing myself, I’d get a little panicky, didn’t want to do it: “I’ll do it later.” Of course, later, well, you weigh yourself first thing in the morning, before you’ve eaten or had something to drink, so you know what you “truly” weigh. After breakfast, well, now I have to wait until the next day.
I managed to put weighing myself for a week. I told myself I should pick a day of the week so I could weigh myself once a week or maybe very two weeks. I didn’t want to do Mondays, ’cause Mondays are bad enough! Didn’t want to do Wednesdays ’cause I’ve heard too many “Weigh-in Wednesdays.” I thought Saturdays might be good, since it would keep me from splurging on the weekend, although a bad weigh in would kind of ruin the weekend, but I knew that no day was going to be a “good”day. So Saturday, before I had a chance to think about it, I got on the scale, took a deep breath, & looked down: 354 lbs. I’ve lost another 10 lbs!
Honestly, I don’t know how to feel. Talk about an anti-climax! I was glad that I hadn’t gained weight. For about a week or so, I’d been half convinced I’d gained weight, because whenever I looked at my legs, I kept thinking they were bigger. I was glad to see that I’d lost more weight. In fact, when I realized that I’ve been losing about ten pounds a month, I was very pleased! I updated my apps with my new weight. My friends on social media were very supportive! Truly, I don’t think I could manage this weight loss program without the support of my social media friends. I posted my weight loss on Facebook, but it’s kind do strange, ’cause I don’t want to brag: “I’m losing weight! Look at me!” But at the same time, hello!! Got a blog that’s all about me losing weight! I also know that losing as much weight as I have is an accomplishment, especially since I’m doing it without bariatric surgery and “crash dieting.” I’ve made changes to my eating habits that I can live with for a lifetime and I’m very happy with it.
It was good to get support from my friends and family on Facebook, but without my friends on my fitness app, it’d be so much harder! The friends I’ve made on the app are all like me: people committed to making healthier choices going forward for the rest of their lives. When we feel like we are really down, messing up our eating, or just burnt out, we can post on the app and get supportive messages from our friends in the same boat. Getting and giving daily support is one of the most important parts of this process. It builds up my resolve and it keeps me focused on my goal.
Today is a week since I weighed myself. From listening to my fitness friends, most of them get unhappy results weighing every week. They seem to be more content with monthly or twice monthly weigh ins. I think I’ll follow their lead. I’m still scared of the scale, but really, I’m scared of failing at this weight loss program. I’m scared of going back to the way I used to eat and weighing what I used to weigh. I have heard of people like me going from one extreme to the other: from overeating to anorexia. I can believe it. I have felt that panicky fear of gaining weight. It’s what made me buy my food scale, my “bathroom scale,” and the protein powder for smoothies (which I haven’t used yet). I had sworn that I would never buy stuff like that to lose weight ’cause “I don’t need them.” And yet there they sit in my house, and it weigh my morning bananas. I weighed myself. I researched the protein powder & then decided I wanted almond milk for it. I already had the Nutribullet for it. Fear of being fat, pocrescophobia, can be powerful. It’s part of what keeps me motivated, but more importantly, I have to make sure it doesn’t dominate my life.