Where is Your Focus? : Weight Loss & The Complaint Department

Recently, Pacific Gas & Electric shut off the power to tens of thousands of customers in my state due to high winds and the resulting fire danger. My dad was one of those customers without power for two days. My big concern was the cold nights and the dark house but my dad assured me that he had his big flashlight and if it did get cold, he could always light a fire in the wood stove.  One of his phones, thankfully, was not cordless so he still had that since he gets no cell reception at his house.

This reminded me of many instances during my childhood when we had been without power. We lived in the country when I was in college and power failure was common.  I used to remark to friends and family that “we lose power every time there’s a big wind.” As a result, we had hurricane lamps, candles and we all got the big D cell Maglite for Christmas one year!  In fact, I’d gotten so used to doing homework by flashlight, I’d pull it out of my desk drawer as soon as the lights blinked. I learned to turn on the ‘auto-save’ on the computer and to save manually after major changes as well.  When the power went out, if we weren’t doing homework, the biggest inconvenience were things like heat/ AC and water (our well was electric); other than those, we had plenty of books and games to keep us entertained. No worries!

But for my mom, reading and games were never high on her list of Fun Things To Do.  I remember coming home with my dad from the grocery store and as we were carrying the groceries into the house, the lights went out. My mom, in her recliner with the tv on and the cordless phone in her hand, was angry as usual while the rest of us were more relaxed about it. I put the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and began putting the food away while my mom groused about being without power.  At one point she shouted at me “how can you put the groceries away in the dark?!” I grabbed a couple of items out from the bags and walked into the living room. Handing her one of them, I asked: “what’s this?” “I don’t know… cottage cheese or sour cream?” “And this?” “Cereal or crackers?” “So the cottage cheese goes in the fridge and the crackers go in the pantry.” End of discussion.

The point was that my mom just wanted to complain about the power being out.  She wasn’t interested in changing her behavior to deal with no power: she wanted to complain and be inconvenienced.  When most of us begin changing our eating either for health or weight loss, we tend to adopt my mom’s attitude: “It’s hard!” “It’s inconvenient!” “I don’t know how to do it!” “I don’t like that food!” We’d rather complain than make any adjustments or learn new habits.  The problem is that while we are busy complaining, we are not making progress and we are wasting time and energy in unproductive behavior. We get nothing beneficial from complaining and whining and pouting.

We all know that change is hard.  It means unlearning bad habits and learning new ones.  It takes time, patience and– most importantly– consistency! Complaining seems to be easier, since we feel like we get some kind of ‘result.’ A few months ago, the cable box for my tv service died. There were several frustrating and unsuccessful attempts to reboot it before disconnecting it, taking it to the local store, waiting around for a couple hours only to get home and go through the equally frustrating installation process. The whole time, I groused and complained and let everyone know how inconvenienced I was by this. To be honest, I took a kind of self-indulgent pleasure in letting everyone know how inconvenient it was. At the same time, I also knew that if I wanted tv again, this was what I had to do and there was no getting around it! It’s an irritating process but if I wanted to watch tv sooner rather than later, I had to do the work!

Changing our eating habits and how we think about what we eat is not that different: we have to uninstall the ‘faulty equipment’ and install a new, updated, version.  While complaining about it soothed my self-indulgent nature, it did nothing to help me get my cable service back. However, going through all the ‘inconvenient hassle’ not only got my service restored, it also saved me an extra $20 a month! So in the end, which served me better: grousing & whining or going through the hassle & doing the work?  (If you have to think about this, I can’t help you!)

We find ourselves in a similar situation when we have to change out how we eat and how we think about food. Most of us separate food into two camps: ‘Healthy Food’ and ‘Food That Tastes Good.’  The idea that food can be both good for you and taste good is nonsense to this way of thinking.  Either it’s something healthy that obviously tastes like grass, cardboard or is utterly flavorless, or it tastes good and is full of fat, calories and sugar! This kind of binary thinking is why most of us do well on a diet for a few days or weeks and then we binge on a bag of grocery store cookies.  It’s not that the cookies are delicious or yummy: it’s because we’ve been eating tasteless bland ‘healthy’ food for the last ten days! We need to stop that kind of thinking! If what you are eating doesn’t taste good, THEN STOP EATING IT!  It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘healthy’ or not: if you aren’t loving (or at least liking) what you are eating, you’re doing it wrong. Not everyone loves salads or vegetables but that doesn’t mean that you have to eat dried up cauliflower or wilted iceberg lettuce. Seriously, neither of those veggies are high on my list of foods, even when they’re fresh, but I do enjoy broccoli, Brussels sprouts and butter or red leaf lettuce, so when I make veggies at home, those are usually somewhere on my dinner plate. Just because everyone is eating ‘cauliflower rice’ doesn’t mean you have to eat it in order to be healthy or lose weight!

A lot of us start out not knowing what to eat that’s healthy and so we default to The Usual Diet Foods, such as ice berg salads with low cal dressing and dried out skinless chicken breasts.  Those are also on my list of Unfavorite Foods, so I eventually learned to change that meal into something I do enjoy.  My healthy ‘chicken and salad’ dinner consists of a chicken thigh with a spinach-butter lettuce mix with oil and vinegar.  Not a major shift, but it’s enough of a shift so that I actually enjoy my dinner instead of suffering through a meal that’s going to leave me unsatisfied.

When I started eating healthier, it took some time to figure out how to swap out unhealthy or unfavorite foods for healthy food I enjoyed but again, it wasn’t a complicated process.  It just took practice and consistency!  It also means that you have to give up the self-indulgent complaining and whining about it.  If your focus is constantly what a hassle and inconvenience this process is for you, then you aren’t going to be able to focus on any better options available to you.  Seriously, if you want to focus on how awful it is eating skinless chicken breast with dry cauliflower every night and complain about how much you hate it to everyone you know, that’s your choice. However, your energy can be better spent finding something just as healthy and nutritious that you really enjoy eating.  Unfortunately, when your focus is on eating healthy food that you really love that helps you lose weight, there’s not a whole lot to complain about it– darn it!

 

It Really IS About What Goes In Your Mouth!: Weight Loss, Food & Nutrition

I recently watched a rerun of My 600 lb Life: Where Are They Now? featuring an update on one of Dr. Nowzaradan’s most challenging patients, James K.  Like most of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients, James grew up struggling with obesity and by the time he was in his ’30’s he was already over 500 lbs.  That’s when a leg injury left him bed-bound and he has not walked since that injury.  Unfortunately, being bed-bound has added to his weight gain and by the time we meet him in his initial episode, James estimates his weight at around 700 lbs. Speaking with James via computer, Dr. Nowzaradan gave him the basic diet he gives to all of his patients (1200 calories a day and no carbs) and advised him to begin losing weight immediately.

Getting to Houston to meet with Dr. Now was a struggle in itself as James needed a bariatric ambulance to take him from Kentucky to Texas and his insurance would not cover the cost.  James’ father ended up financing the transportation, but once in Texas with his daughter and girlfriend Lisa, he continued to struggle with the diet.  After four months in Kentucky, James arrived in Houston weighing 738 lbs. Dr. Now admitted him to the hospital to begin running tests and to put him on a controlled diet to get his weight down.  Unfortunately, after losing over 100 lbs in the hospital, James moved to his apartment to continue losing on his own, but what followed was the beginning of a vicious cycle of weight gain followed by hospitalization and controlled weight loss only to regain again at home.  Despite Dr. Now’s warnings regarding his deteriorating health, James and Lisa were unable to control his eating and he continued to gain weight. His constant gaining was followed by heart problems, kidney problems, and cellulitis infections in his legs.  After one arrival at the hospital, James and Lisa are shocked to learn that he’s at 843 lbs.

From the outside, it’d be easy to say “what the heck is wrong with you two?!” but they were as mystified as Dr. Now was frustrated.  Despite his repeated attempts to explain to them what they are doing wrong, they remained as confused and frustrated as Dr. Nowzaradan.  Obviously, something was going wrong, but they could not understand what it was.

Quite simply, it was the food. I know you are thinking “no sh*t, Sherlock!” right now, but for James and Lisa, it really was mystifying.  While they were obviously cheating on the diet more than they admitted, it wasn’t really the “cheat meals” that were causing the problems as much as it was all the other food he was also eating.  While I obviously wasn’t there with them and only know what I saw on the tv, I’ve got a pretty good guess as to some of the stumbling blocks tripping them up: 1) nutritional ignorance; 2) portion  distortion; and 3) cravings.

As a former Basic English instructor, I learned early on never to assume that people know “The Basics.” I remember going over a lesson on sentence construction, explaining how each sentence needs a subject consisting of a noun and a predicate consisting of a verb.  When I casually asked “does anyone have any questions?” I was promptly asked “what’s a noun?  Judging by the confused faces in the class, I gathered her question was echoed by most of my students. My carefully constructed lesson was pretty much wasted on them since I was essentially speaking gibberish!

I have a strong suspicion that this was part of the problem with James and Lisa.  While it’s one thing to pass out a diet plan with recommended and/ or ‘forbidden’ foods listed on it, it’s another entirely to learn to read nutrition labels or simply to identify what other foods should be included on that list of ‘forbidden foods.’  I remember a very long time ago when my dad’s doctor advised him to lower his sugar intake and my mom complained about his eating bread. I asked “what does bread have to do with how much sugar he eats?” At the time, I had no idea that bread (a starchy carbohydrate) is metabolized like sugar in the body.  In essence, a starchy carb like bread is viewed as a long string of sugars in the body. While it doesn’t look like sugar, technically our bodies turn it into sugar. It’s one thing to look at a slice of bread and think “starch” and see that one slice is allowed on the diet and it’s another thing to look at a bowl of brown rice and think it’s okay. If it’s not specifically mentioned on the diet plan, then where does that go? Is it allowed? Not allowed? For some people, it’s common sense but for others, it’s a mystery.  While those of us who’ve spent a lifetime eating off one diet plan or another know what to do, for those who have never ventured into “Diet World,” it’s literally foreign territory.  Having the doctor tell you “no carbs!” might as well have been “no finkerrupz!” for all the sense it makes to you. (Let’s not mention ‘total carbs’ vs ‘net carbs’!)

While some of you are rolling your eyes, let me remind you that we all start somewhere different when we begin this diet journey and even though a nutritionist may have been sent out to help James and Lisa learn more about food overall, not all nutritionists and/ or dieticians are created equal.  I remember my own dietician basically giving me a list of rules to follow (again regarding carbs) without ever asking me if I knew what a carbohydrate was! However, as a reader and an information-gatherer in general, when I started asking questions about nutrition, I decided that the internet (though convenient) wasn’t comprehensive enough for me and I went off to the bookstore and came home with Nutrition for Dummies.Nutrition for Dummies ) I am a big fan of the Dummies books because they assume you know nothing about the topic, so you can start at your own level.  I also realize that some people are offended when you suggest these books to them (“she called me a dummy!”)  Frankly, I have a large library of Dummies books because in my opinion, there’s a whole lotta stuff I don’t know crap about and pretending that I know more than I do is the only thing that really makes me a Dummy!

There’s also another pitfall that catches most people unawares: “I thought I knew what I was doing but I really didn’t!” This was my error when I was teaching sentence construction: I thought I was giving my students The Basics but it turned out it wasn’t basic enough! In short, I thought I knew where to start but I didn’t! Hospitals have also learned this lesson the hard way.  When patients arrive for a procedure, they make the patient explain to the nurse what’s going to happen to them.  This is the best way of making sure the patient understands what is really going to happen! I am sure James and Lisa thought he was following the diet and only cheating a little bit, when  in fact, he was probably cheating more than he wanted to admit and also eating foods that weren’t on the diet although they thought that they were.

Then there is the whole issue of portion size.  This is one of the reasons I recommend a food scale in the beginning at least (Ozeri Food Scale). When someone is used to eating a slice of cake that weighs in at a half-pound or a sandwich the size of a loaf of bread, they usually have no idea what an actual ‘portion’ looks like.  The idea that a sandwich consists of two regular slices of bread, 2 oz of meat and maybe one ounce of cheese is a real shock.  A hamburger patty really isn’t supposed to be one-third of a pound or more; it’s supposed to be about 3 oz! The same thing with a chicken breast or a piece of steak– about 3-4 oz is a ‘serving size.’  The general rule of thumb is that your protein is supposed to be about the size of a deck of cards or the palm of your hand, not the size of your head!

It’s easy to jeer at someone weighing 700 -plus pounds who clearly doesn’t understand why he weighs so much, but the truth is that a lot of us are in the same boat.  The only difference is that while James can’t understand why he’s still over 700 lbs, we can’t figure out why we still can’t lose these same twenty pounds we’ve been trying to lose since college.  It’s usually that Terrible Trio I mentioned above: a combination of nutritional ignorance, portion distortion and cravings.  We think we are eating healthier foods in the right amounts but until we do a little investigating, we may not realize that while sweet potatoes and brown rice are better for us than white potatoes and white rice, they still have a lot of carbs and starch in them.  We also think that a serving is one whole sweet potato no matter the size or that we can eat twice as much brown rice as white rice. The truth is while we are eating healthier, we may not be eating healthy enough to lose the weight we want.

Cravings are another story entirely.  Everyone who’s tried to lose weight has fallen victim to this one, some of us more often than others.  It really doesn’t matter what the craving is for, either.  Whether it’s chocolate, bread, nuts or even something healthy like a salad, if we eat too much of it, it’s not good for us.  If it’s something not on our ‘recommended foods’ list, it only adds to the problem.  While it’s not usually a disaster when we give in to the cravings, we don’t often realize that giving in prolongs the problem.  In short, if you ‘indulge’ once a week, you begin to expect that indulgence and when you try to skip it after repeatedly giving in, it only makes it harder to resist.  For someone like James, who’s probably never resisted a temptation, the cravings can be unbearably difficult. For someone like Lisa who is used to giving him what he wants, the response is probably close to automatic: he wants it? he gets it.

Making the changes James and Lisa need to make to lose weight and improve his health likely requires more adjustments and education than they anticipated.  It means a complete restructuring of their home life and habits.  It not only means throwing out all the foods not on the diet, it means re-learning how to eat, how to buy food that’s healthy and how to think about what we eat. Like most of us, James thought he could out-exercise his cheating and bad food choices, but we all know we’d be jogging all day to ‘cancel out’ that burger and fries lunch or the pie or whatever ‘indulgence’ we had.  Losing weight permanently takes significant changes and these need to be permanent if our weight loss is to stay permanent.  That means re-thinking what’s normally on the menu and what’s not, what a real portion size is and what’s too much, and whether that slice of carrot cake is really worth it.  It means keeping an open mind about The Basics and even changing those Basics if need be.  It’s not an easy adjustment to make but when your quality of life depends on it, are you really going to trade that for carrot cake?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weight Loss & Holiday Treats: Yummy or Not, Here They Come!

We are coming up on the holiday season, and after the Summer Swim Suit Season, this is probably the one that dieters hate most.  “OMG! There’s food EVERYWHERE!” And, it’s never very healthy food either.  It would be different if we had trays of roasted Brussels sprouts on every flat surface or people brought platters full of carrot sticks to share at work, but other than the occasional luncheon crudité platter that no one touches and eventually dries out, most of the holiday food is sweet and full of calories and carbs, but not a lot of anything nutritious.

This is where we feel super-self-conscious about turning down the proffered cookies or the pumpkin bread or anything else some tries to share with us.  We don’t want to be rude and we don’t want to feel like we’re making everyone else feel bad for eating them.  “He/she’s being so good and not eating any of these!”  At the risk of being Negative Nancy, you are not responsible for anyone’s guilt: if they feel guilty for eating the brownies and sugar cookie snowmen, that is their responsibility! (Those ‘treats’ aren’t any healthier for them than they are for you!) If they want to spend January and February losing those Holiday Pounds, that is their choice: you choose not to gain them!

The other danger with all these ‘treats’ is that most of them are just there for the mindless eating. We tend not to pay attention and just grab what’s next to us and eat it, whether it’s something we like or not. Frankly, I ate a lot of Twizzlers that way.  I don’t like Twizzlers and never have (they taste like bland sugary plastic to me.) If you give me a choice of licorice, I’d choose Red Vines (or black) every time! Twizzlers? Blecchh! But somehow, when there was nothing else left in the Halloween candy bowl, yup! I ate them! Why?? Ummm…. because they were there…..?? Yes. Really. That was the reason: they were there!  Even worse, while I was eating them, I would be thinking how they weren’t really good and how I wished they were really Red Vines, but that didn’t stop me from finishing off the bland plasticky Twizzlers! It really is mindless eating. While no one forced me to eat junk food I didn’t really like, the idea of saying no to them was utterly foreign to me.”You mean I can just throw them away? But that’s a waste of food!” As if there were anything nutritious about Twizzlers! (No offense to Twizzlers.)

The point of having a treat is to give yourself something a little special, as in doing something good for yourself.  Is stuffing your face full of blah run-of-the-mill sugar cookies doing something special for yourself? It’s like me with the Twizzlers! If I’d really wanted to treat myself to something I’d enjoy that wasn’t nutritious, I’d have gone to the grocery store and bought a package of the licorice I really do enjoy instead of eating “plastic candy.”  There are better ways of “treating” yourself than junk food but we tend not to think of them as real ‘treats.’  These can be real foods like apples, figs or nuts, or something like utterly radical like going to bed an hour earlier! They are not only beneficial to your mind and body, but who knows? You might actually enjoy them!

How you define a ‘treat’ is totally up to you.  One of my special treats for dessert is dish of dried figs and some Brie.  It’s basically a fruit & cheese plate but I love it!  A treat also doesn’t have to be food.  Some of you may know I have two poodle mixes, Remy (5) and Bentley (18 months) and while they are both poodle mixes, they have very different personalities. Bentley loves a new cookie or a chewer but Remy? His idea of a treat is several minutes of playing fetch! Give him a choice of a food treat or his favorite fetch ball, and woof! throw the ball! If he even takes the cookie from my hand, it’s left in his bed for Bentley to steal.  He’d rather play with the ball every time.  Why? Because for him, playing fetch is something more special than any cookie or chewer I can offer. He doesn’t care if Bentley eats all his cookies and if all the chewers end up in Bentley’s bed, as long as the fetch toys stay in his!

In the end, it’s up to you to decide what is really a treat for you.  If you love Twizzlers and decide that’s what you are going to indulge in this holiday, good for you! (I will gladly donate my share!) My only advice when it comes to treats, Twizzlers or not, is this: make sure it is something you mindfully enjoy! Whether it’s taking a day off to binge The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with a bowl of popcorn, or sleeping late on Sunday morning or even finishing off the last of the pumpkin loaf, as long as it is something special and enjoyable to you and you are paying attention to your enjoyment of it, then it really counts as a TREAT.  Scarfing down the last popcorn ball as you’re running out the door to Target doesn’t count as a treat because, really, did you enjoy that popcorn ball? If and when you decide to treat yourself, then make the most of it! Set aside the time to enjoy that bowl of popcorn! Save the pumpkin loaf for a time when you can eat it without being rushed or distracted! Or if it’s sleeping in or lounging on the sofa with a book, then do it without distraction or interruption.  This is your treat after all, whether it’s edible or not!

 

Where Do I Begin?: Weight Loss & The First Step

I had coffee the other day with a friend I hadn’t seen in some time and eventually the conversation turned to weight loss. Like a lot of people, she’s been fighting the same 20-30 lbs for years and she usually manages to lose a few pounds, only to put them back on.  Sound familiar, anyone? I told her I was still doing Paleo and received the confused-not-quite-blank expression I’ve come to expect.  Most people have heard of The Paleo Diet but really don’t know what it means other than the “It’s a lot of MEAT!” soundbyte.

Also, like most of us, she felt a little overwhelmed by “what do I do first?” Really, it doesn’t matter what you do first as long as you choose something within your capabilities and do that one thing only until you feel comfortable with it.  This is rather a long-winded way of saying “PICK SOMETHING!” Too often we look at the landscape for weight loss (or any goal, really) and we want to make the best start that we can, but we get bogged down by: 1) the  overwhelming number of ‘starting points’; and 2) the magnitude of the change we want to achieve.  We don’t want to make a ‘wrong’ choice and fail, so we end up not really starting at all, or we choose too many ‘starting points’ and end up quitting because we get overwhelmed.

The other big stumbling block is the Diet Mentality, in which we get roped into thinking we are only “doing this” until we lose the weight we want to lose. We all know what happens next: the weight comes back!  Obviously, once we stop ‘being good’ and go back to eating the way we did before The Diet, we’ve blown all our hard work!  In order to maintain permanent weight loss, we need to make permanent lifestyle changes.  This is part of that ‘overwhelming’ goal I mentioned before, but big changes come through small steps!

Because Sarah asked about Paleo, I told her that it’s mainly whole natural foods, no grains, legumes, sugars and a lot of non-starchy vegetables. Predictably, she made a face: she loves grains and cereals and isn’t a big fan of non-starchy veggies.  A big part of her diet has always been white potatoes and ‘quick carbs’ such as pasta, bread, cereal and sugar. While white potatoes were never huge on my menu, grains of all kinds were a major staple of my diet, along with a fair amount of sugar. I told her when I started cutting these foods out of my diet, I did it one at a time.  I started with potatoes since they were easiest for me, and once I had a handle on making healthier substitutions for the potatoes, I moved on to pasta, which was harder, until I felt confident enough to remove breads.  In all honesty, breads of all kinds remain my biggest temptation and I told her that.  You can offer me chocolate, candy, cookie or any kind of “treat” and I can turn it down without batting an eye, but offer me a biscuit? “Get thee behind me, Satan!” Even if I do turn it down, I will think about that biscuit for days afterwards! I tried to reinforce that it’s a series of steps and you don’t try to make every change at once. 

I recommended she begin with a healthy breakfast like Elizabeth Benton (Primal Potential) suggests.  You start with one meal and work on that one until you get it down, then move on to lunch, dinner and any snacks.  I also recommended she get a food journal and a food scale. While there are a lot of weight loss gurus (Elizabeth included) who don’t recommend the food scale, I do because I am very aware of portion inflation.  Just because Cheesecake Factory brought you one slice of cheesecake, that doesn’t mean what they brought you is ‘one portion.’  (It is likely three!)  A food scale is a simple reality check for how much you are really eating.  The food journal is just a simple way of keeping track of what you are eating, so later on if you aren’t getting the results that you want, you can see what might be behind that slow-down.

As I said, I was having coffee with my friend, which included a grande maple pecan latte, and a bag of Moon Cheese.  Later on when I got home, those went in my food journal.  While they won’t torpedo my diet, recording them keeps me honest so they don’t become regular parts of my weekly routine.  Having an occasional sugary latte isn’t a catastrophe but when one a month becomes one a week and then several a week, those lattes will have an impact (as will several accompanying bags of Moon Cheese!).  When I write them down, it’s easier to go back through the months and see where there may have been a few too many ‘special occasion lattes’!

I also recommended she listen to some of the podcasts aimed at giving listeners a foundation for fat loss and the reasons behind her recommendations such as the Fat Loss Basics Series (https://primalpotential.com/ep-121-fat-loss-basics/) and the episode on the Golden Rules (https://primalpotential.com/195-golden-rules-of-carbs-and-fat-loss/). I am not in any way affiliated with Elizabeth Benton; I’m just a fan and I think she offers solid advice based on your speed and the changes you are willing to make.  Of all the weight loss professionals I’ve listened to, she is one who listens to you.

There are a lot of places to start and you don’t have to start with breakfast or go Paleo or even listen to Primal Potential, but you do have to make a choice. Choose one change you want to make, and once you’ve got that one down, move on to the next one.  It might seem like you aren’t ‘going fast enough’ but does fast really matter when you won’t have to make that same trip again next year?

 

You Can’t Fix Anything If You Don’t Know What’s Broken: Weight Loss, Report Cards & Ostriches

This is one some of us have a hard time dealing with, me included.  It means confronting the problem, whatever that problem might be.  We’ve got to look at it, examine it and come face to face with The Bad News. It’s frightening and upsetting because that means we can’t ignore the problem anymore: now that we’ve faced it, we have to deal with it!

Ugh….reality sucks! Especially when we can’t hide behind ignorance or apathy anymore.  I know in my case, once I face The Bad News, I can’t hide behind apathy anymore because it keeps nagging at me.  When it was something nebulous or unknown, it was easier to shove it into the background: “I’ll deal with it later…”  but when I know the ugly reality of the situation, it doesn’t ‘shove’ so easily and has the annoying habit of waking me up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, or something similar.  Yay…..reality…. whoo hoo….

But as bad as it is or isn’t, whatever that problem might be, it’s something I have to face if I want to fix it because the simple truth is we can’t fix something if we don’t know what’s broken.  Imagine you take your car to a mechanic because it’s making a noise, and instead of looking under the hood, the mechanic says “it could be the alternator so I’m going to replace it and we’ll see how it runs afterwards.” WTH??? You’d drive your noisy car to another mechanic who’s going to examine it to see exactly what’s wrong and how it can be fixed. No guessing: this is what’s wrong and this is how we fix it!

But when it’s something else, like our weight or health or nutrition, we keep sticking our heads in the sand. “It kinda feels like maybe I put on a couple pounds over the last couple months so I’ll just eat better from now on…..That’ll fix it…..” Insert giant eye roll here! Obviously, you don’t have to jump on the scale or whip out the tape measure every day or even every week, but if you don’t objectively evaluate your progress, you won’t know how much progress you are making, if you are making progress or if you have started backsliding.  The same thing goes with your eating and activity: if you don’t keep track, how do you know if what you are eating is working for you, or if your activity level has changed?  Plain simple fact here: if you don’t keep an eye on it, how do you know how you are doing?

This is why schools send home report cards.  Imagine telling yourself “the kids must be doing okay in school since they haven’t flunked out yet.” HELLO!! You’d like to know your kid’s having problems in chemistry before he or she flunks the class! You probably don’t expect him or her to show you every test or assignment for every class (hence the report card), but you still keep track so you can deal with any problems they might be having before it becomes a crisis! This is also why schools have parents sign the report cards and notices: “we told you your kid was flunking out and you acknowledge that we told you.”

Sticking your head in the sand seems a lot easier to do than tracking our progress but it really isn’t. The real hassle is finding out that you gained twenty pounds and the tux you bought for an event doesn’t fit anymore. If you had been paying attention, you might have been able to prevent that while the tux still fit but you were busy being an ostrich!

Keeping track of what you ate, how active you were, how much weight or inches you’ve gained/ lost is less of a hassle than most people think it is.  I know people roll their eyes and sigh deeply when we talk about “Tracking” (I was one of those people!) but it really is important if you are serious about your health, weight or nutrition.  It doesn’t mean that you have to weigh out everything you eat and count each calorie or step but it does mean you invest a few minutes each day to write it down. Again more sighs and eye rolling: “I have to write it down?? every day??”  Think about this: you are investing about five minutes each day in your health.  How much time is five minutes? It’s thirty-five minutes a week, if you spend five whole minutes writing this information down. That’s about the length of a sitcom plus a commercial break afterwards.  While you might choose to look at it as a waste of time, you can also choose to look at it as investment in your health. I know we hate looking at this stuff and dealing with it, but seriously if your health isn’t good, what kind of effect does that have on the rest of your life? Little bit of an impact maybe? A lot more hassle than renting a replacement tux!

You also can’t expect others to fix things for you while you sit on your butt and do nothing to help fix it yourself.  I’ve met a lot of these people: supposedly they are utterly helpless to do things on their own.  They don’t have groceries because they can’t go to the store for some reason or another; they only have junk food because “healthy” food is too expensive; they can’t exercise or be active because ‘something always hurts.’ They have long lists of things that they can’t do or can’t do without help.  In some cases, this may be true and it’s okay to ask for help.  Frankly I think not asking for help when you need it is pretty dumb, but the majority of the things on their lists are things they just don’t want to do either because it’s “a hassle” or they don’t want to deal with it themselves.

You reasonably can’t expect someone else to deal with all the unpleasant issues in your life while you do nothing to help yourself.  You also can’t just bury your head in the sand and pretend these unpleasant things don’t exist.  Heaven knows how tempting that is! But sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with these Ugly Realities, whether it’s you’re gaining weight, your health is deteriorating or even your clothes are getting a bit tight. Most of us try hard to avoid dealing with anything we don’t want to face and honestly that’s normal to some degree, but when we turn into ostriches, we’re only adding to the problems we are already ignoring.

You don’t have to track your weight, food or activity but when you suddenly realize that you only have two pair of nice slacks to wear and all the other pants that fit have spandex, you won’t have to ask yourself “when/ how did I gain so much weight?” Writing down what you ate, how much you ate, how much you weigh or how active you are is a simple way of just keeping an eye on your progress or status.  “This is where I am today!” If you don’t like where you are or you want to stay there, you have some perspective on what is working, what is not working or what is getting away from you. How you choose to keep track of this information is up to you.  Some people like putting it in an app and some like writing it in a journal or notebook– that decision is up to you, but not keeping track of basic information is just burying your head in the sand, and when you come up for air at last, you’re likely to find the landscape has changed in some really unpleasant ways.

 

 

Be True To You: Weight Loss & Self-Confidence

Self-confidence has a huge influence on weight loss. There are a lot of people who think that losing weight boosts your self-confidence and, while that does happen, if you aren’t already self-confident and sure of yourself before you lose weight, losing the weight isn’t magically going to make you confident and secure.  In fact, the more insecure you are before you lose weight, the harder it is to lose the weight at all.  While there are a lot who think this makes for a vicious self-defeating cycle, being insecure about yourself isn’t going to get any better after you lose weight.  You’ll just be doubting you’ve done enough to meet everyone’s expectations.

I like to think of self-confidence as being true to who you are. It takes some guts to be yourself, especially if everyone else in your life is telling you that you’re wrong or that you are too different in some way.  The United States is a bit of a paradox: we cheer individuality as long as it’s not too “individual,” if you know what I mean.  In short, if you’re too weird or different, you stand out and then somehow, that’s not good.  I’ve been lucky in that way: I was always different from my classmates, so what the heck? They’re going to be picking on me anyway!

Being self-confident means that you make your own decisions no matter what everyone else says or thinks, and that can mean standing up for yourself.  It can mean choosing things that are different from what your family and friends like.  It can also mean putting up with their criticism and ridicule, which as we know is uncomfortable and difficult. It can be a difficult choice for some.  Being different can be a real struggle since we usually have to fight against the tide of conformity.  Probably the best illustration I know comes from the movie Out of Africa where Robert Redford’s character Denys Finch-Hatton is explaining his lifestyle to Meryl Streep’s Karen Blixen:  “I don’t want to live someone else’s idea of how to live. Don’t ask me to do that. I don’t want to find out one day that I’m at the end of someone else’s life.” (Out of Africa) 

This quote really put the movie into perspective for me, (mainly because until this quote, I had been thinking his character was just a great big jerk).  It also put life in general into perspective because he is right: if you live your life by someone else’s rules, you will have missed out on living your own life! Maybe this sounds a bit drastic for the topic of weight loss, but I don’t think so.  Think about how many times friends, family members, weight loss ‘professionals’ and the media tell you how to lose weight. There is a lot of subtle subtext that if you don’t do it their way, you are doing it wrong or you will fail and gain it all back! It’s not their body and it’s not their life but they imply that they know better than you about your own health. Sometimes, that really is true, but it’s still your decision to make. You are allowed to ask about credentials and training and source information when it comes to your health and if they don’t want to share that information, for me, that’s a huge red flag that maybe I don’t want to listen to their advice.

I am definitely not a weight loss professional, but I am someone who has spent my life struggling with my weight.  It’s one of the many things that made me different from my classmates and it’s been the source of a lot of ridicule and criticism from family as well as strangers.  Everyone knew the best way for me to lose weight and if I didn’t listen to their advice, I was some kind of idiot or worse, I just liked being fat!  I was fat because I was a glutton; I was fat because I was lazy; I was fat because it was in my DNA; I was fat because because because! I’ve spent most of my life being told by others ‘why’ I was fat and how to lose weight even though some of these people barely knew me!

Needless to say that after a lot of tears and self-doubt, I grew a thick skin. (I’m sure they thought that added to my weight too!) When I decided to start eating Paleo, I got a fair bit of criticism. There is a huge majority that believe that grains are heart-healthy and that all fat is evil because it causes heart disease and that if you don’t eat enough carbs, you will be chronically fatigued.  I’ve been given advice to go vegetarian, go vegan, and been told countless times that “Paleo is too much meat!”  However, it got harder and harder for them to argue with my “weirdo fad diet” when the weight started coming off and staying off! Eventually, they stopped criticizing me and my diet because nothing succeeds like success. I lost weight and am still losing weight and I haven’t ended up in the hospital with chronic fatigue, deadly heart disease and/ or malnutrition.  FYI: my doctor really likes my cholesterol numbers, too!

It really can be a hard thing to stand up for yourself and do things your way when the rest of the world is telling you you’re wrong.  By the time I decided to try Paleo, I’d spent a lifetime being told I was wrong or just weird.  When I chose German instead of Spanish in college, I was criticized by family (German’s not ‘marketable’) and by total strangers for ‘rejecting my Hispanic heritage’.  When I opted not to marry or have children, I was told it’s because I’m not feminine or ‘attractive’ enough (I had a few offers– no thanks!)  When I discovered Queen, hard rock and heavy metal music in my 20’s, I was told I was going through a ‘rebellious phase’ since no one else in my life listened to it.  It’s a ‘phase’ that’s lasted 30 years since I still listen to it (my hard rock friends now roll their eyes at my growing Green Day addiction but oh, well!) As I said, I’ve got a thick skin and this is where Mr. Finch-Hatton’s quote has stood me in good stead: I choose to live my life by my rules because it’s my life!

When it comes to choosing how you want to lose weight, the choice is yours, not anyone else’s.  The only advice I can give you is probably the stuff you know already: is it safe? does it work? do you enjoy it?  If the answers to all those questions are “yes,” then who cares if people tell you that Whole 30 is better or going vegetarian is healthier or that sticking with Weight Watchers is the way to go? If you think diets like Paleo and Atkins are dangerous, dumb or just not practical, good for you! You made a decision that works for you! It’s your body, your lifestyle and your health.  Do what works for you.  You are the one who has to live with your body. You don’t want to wake up some day and discover the body you’re living in is the result of someone else’s rules.

 

You Are Stronger Than You Know: Weight Loss & Testing Your Mettle

This is something I have been repeating to myself for the last few weeks. It happens to all of us from time to time: we feel overwhelmed. Sometimes we’re fighting a bug or getting over it; sometimes it’s overwork or just stress or even just feeling really burned out.  It really doesn’t matter as much as the fact that we just really want to take a break– from everything!

You know the feeling: the alarm goes off and as we turn it off, the thought of calling in sick runs through our head.  You are on your way home from work, there’s nothing prepared for dinner and you feel too tired to cook, so ‘we can do takeout for one night, can’t we?’ Every little thing feels like a major production and the demands on your time and energy are really beginning to wear on you.

Before you give in and speed dial the Chinese Palace, take a deep breath and repeat after me: “you are stronger than you know!” Normally, I am not someone who subscribes to “feel good” mantras.  I am not discounting mantras as ‘hocus pocus,’ but like affirmations, they are highly personal.  Mantras and affirmations work for a lot of people, but for me, not so much. Standing in front of a mirror and telling myself “I am worth my best effort every day!” makes me want to roll my eyes.  I have heard others remark “if you don’t believe affirmations/ mantras work, tell your kids they are failures every morning and see the effect that has on them.” I firmly believe mantras and affirmations work when we believe them and, while I truly believe I am worth my best efforts every day, I also know that some days, we have to put others ahead of us. In short, Real Life catches up to us.  We have to get a project done, which means we work late, which means that healthy dinner we had planned isn’t looking good to us as we drive home, exhausted and already running late. “Hello, Chinese Palace?”

“You are stronger than you know.”  I’ve been repeating this particular mantra to myself a lot lately simply because I’ve been so busy! There’s been more going on at work, there’s been more going on socially, and I’ve got tendonitis in my right hand which is healing very slowly. On top of all this, I’m house/ dog sitting for my sister’s family which means I’ve got 8 dogs on my hands and as I was packing the car the morning of my departure, I tripped over the luggage and landed in the flower bed! A few bruises, some muscle strains and landed on the right hand– lovely! I really felt like giving up! But, I packed the car, loaded my own dogs (2 of the 8) and headed off to my sister’s. There are people and dogs depending on me!

Given everything that’s gone on in the last few weeks, it would be easy to give up: I need a break! And the truth is that I really do need a break, but not from taking care of myself! In fact, taking a break and getting some rest would qualify as ‘taking care of myself,’ since it would allow me to rest, catch up on some sleep and de-stress.  We all know what happens when we allow ourselves to become overworked, underslept and over-stressed: reference that sore throat mentioned above! We tend to get sick and worse, we tend to be chronically tired. You might think those should be reversed and that being sick is worse, but there’s a lot that stems from chronic exhaustion.  It takes us longer to recover from illness and injury (reference the tendonitis in my hand), we tend to make mistakes due to poor concentration and we tend to make poor decisions as well.  In short, when you are chronically tired, run down and over-stressed, your sleep quality goes down due to the stress, you tend to get more stressed more easily, you are likely to forget things or make errors, which can lead to more stress or injury and when you are faced with a choice like takeout or something healthier, you are more likely to choose the takeout since it’s one less thing for you to do!

Ideally, you should always be the first priority on your list since how can you take care of the others in your life is you are exhausted and burnt out?  As I said, “ideally!” We all know that’s not what happens as much as it should. But giving up and giving in to junk food isn’t going to make you less tired or less burnt out or more rested. More often than not, it’s going to make you feel worse than you did before. If it’s full of sugar or carbs, your blood sugar will likely spike then plummet. If it doesn’t have a lot of nutrition, it will probably add to your feeling run down and if it’s more junk than nutrition, you will probably feel hungry again a couple of hours later.

At the risk of sounding like an old lady, too many of us use the very good practice of “taking care of oneself” as an excuse to give up.  In short, we are becoming a culture of crybabies. It isn’t quite “he was mean to me so I’m not going to work/ school/ gym today” but sometimes it feels like it’s headed that way.  It’s one thing to take care of yourself, as in stand up for yourself when a coworker/ supervisor is mean, rude or otherwise inappropriate, or to stay home a day or two to fight off a cold or flu.  Staying home and getting some rest not only helps you recover faster, it keeps you from giving the bug to the rest of office! (Thank you for NOT sharing!) You know the people I’m talking about: they are the ones in the office who look for a reason not to come to work or to pass off the difficult assignments to you. Their lives are full of drama and stress and they need sympathy and attention because “it’s all too much to handle!”

Life has a way of wearing us down if we let it but we don’t have to let it get that bad.  More importantly, we don’t need to give up every time we get stub our toe! We really are stronger than we know but most of us throw in the towel before we even begin to test our mettle.  We’ve all heard stories of ordinary people who have survived some really hard situations and overcome tremendous obstacles: what we don’t realize is that the same kind of resilience and mental toughness is in all of us.  We just haven’t had to go there, so most of us think “I’d never survive something like that!” When the time comes, however, we surprise ourselves by finding the strength we thought we didn’t have.

Obviously, surviving a few tough weeks at work or at home doesn’t really qualify as a “life or death survival situation,” but that doesn’t mean they aren’t tough.  When we give up on taking care of our health because things aren’t going as smoothly as we’d like, it becomes a habit and like all bad habits, the more we practice them, the better we get! We never put ourselves to the test because when things start to look difficult, we start looking for shortcuts and escape routes to avoid whatever difficulties might be coming our way.

We need to get in the practice of toughing it when it’s appropriate and taking time to rest when we really need it.  FYI: “rest” doesn’t mean “takeout” or “ice cream”– it means getting some sleep, eating something nutritious and maybe getting a little sunlight.  It can mean walking the dogs down to the park and rolling around on the lawn with them. Taking care of yourself is the most restful thing you can for yourself and it’s pretty dang healthy too!

 

 

Know Where You’re Going: Weight Loss & Getting There

Obviously with weight loss, most of us are eagerly anticipating the day we reach our goals.  We just have to get there first! I can hear you groaning out there, because I just groaned myself.  Ugh! How long is this going to take? It would be easier if we didn’t have so many problems and setbacks, but they are a sad fact of life.

It’s called a Weight Loss Journey for a reason: we need to get ourselves from Here to There. For anyone who’s never had to go this route, it looks straightforward, but when you’ve started down this road a few times, you know it’s never as easy as it looks! It’s a lot like entering the Dark Forest at the edge of Hogwarts: who knows what’s in there just waiting to get you? It could be cookies or holiday treats or birthday cake or something else that’s deliciously fattening and unhealthy!

I am the first to admit that whenever I get in the car to head somewhere I’ve never been before, I am filled with anxiety and trepidation. Thankfully, I learned from my dad: when you don’t know where you are going, get a map!  While it’s not always the answer, at least you have some idea of the landscape: “if I can get to X, then I’ll know where I am and how to get where I’m going!”

I like to use driving analogies mainly because I drive a lot during the week.  One of the things that annoys me a lot are people who suddenly realize that this street is their turn and they are in the wrong lane: “I need to make a right turn but I’m in the middle lane!” Their options are: 1) continue straight, change lanes, turn around and come back to the street they need; or 2) try to crowd over/ cut in and make that turn. So what do they do? You’d be surprised how many try to wedge over sideways to make that turn, cutting off others and leaving their tail end blocking the middle lane, so now they’re in both lanes and no one can get by until they move! They do the same thing when they’re on the freeway and realize halfway up the exit ramp that it’s the wrong exit and cut across back into traffic! For someone who gets nervous driving to unknown places, these can seem like ‘logical’ solutions to the errors, but in reality, it’s unsafe and dangerous.  It may seem okay to crowd in to keep from missing your turn when you’re afraid of getting lost, but seriously, I’ve missed my turn several times (and also taken the wrong exit in the dark on a strange highway in the middle of the night.)  You really can drive up to the next street and turn around to make a left turn to take that street and when you get off the highway, you can get back on to make it to the correct exit!

You can do the same with weight loss! It only feels like it’s time to panic or freak out, but really it isn’t. How many times do we feel like giving up or panicking when we realize our weight loss plan isn’t going the way we think it should be going? We wanted to have a healthy sensible lunch and ended up at the sandwich place– somehow!– and now we’ve eaten a foot-long sub and some potato salad. “That isn’t what was supposed to happen! Now what?” Do we do the equivalent of turning around to go home and start again tomorrow? Or do we make the radical lane change and skip dinner? Or do we keep on going making appropriate changes to our route?

Weight loss is not that different.  We are heading somewhere that we really don’t know and we don’t know the pitfalls we may encounter on the way, so at least we should have some idea of how we are going to get there. The most important part of this journey, apart from getting there, is not giving up!

If we did miss our turn or get lost driving somewhere, we don’t go all the way home to start again, nor do we just start driving aimlessly trying to find where we need to go.  We pull over somewhere safe and take stock of our location: this is where I am and this is where I want to go, so how do I get from here to there safely? Just because it’s a weight loss journey instead of a car trip doesn’t mean we have to do something drastic or unsafe to reach our destination.  When we realize we made a wrong turn or went off our route, we need to calm down enough to make a sensible decision.  There are a lot of people who will skip a meal after overeating or will fast the day after bingeing.  Whether those are safe or sensible options depends on you.  If you had a huge lunch and later that evening still aren’t hungry, then why eat? If you are eating because “it’s dinner time” and you really aren’t hungry, then maybe skipping that meal is a good idea. Too many people try to make up for ‘being bad’ by fasting but it’s not always the solution to overeating.  The solution for overeating is not to overeat! Fasting every time you binge isn’t really practical and doesn’t solve the underlying problem!  It’s like constantly dawdling at home, then jumping in your car and racing to work trying to make it on time! Do you really make it on time when you leave late? Usually not!

The same thing happens when we decide to overeat because it’s a holiday, or an event, or “I’m stressed,” and think we’ll “make up” for it by fasting the next day or two.  That’s not a realistic plan for reaching our goals and even if we reach our weight loss goal, do you realistically think we’ll stay there? We need to map out our route, figuring out what works best for us and what isn’t realistic for who we are.

Some of us do really well skipping breakfast, having a bigger lunch and then a light dinner. For others of us, having a big breakfast, skipping lunch and having a sensible dinner works better.  Some of us like having our meals broken up evenly. This is where we have to make some decisions based on what works for our unique bodies rather than what ‘professionals’ say is best. I know a lot of people who love and swear by Bulletproof Coffee or the Keto Diet.  I really don’t like ‘buttered’ coffee and while I like eating keto, I also like fruits and veggies.  That doesn’t make those people wrong or me right, unless I am talking about my own journey to my own goals.  Following another’s route to their weight loss goals isn’t going to get me to mine!

There also isn’t anything wrong with trying a new “route,” especially if yours isn’t getting you there.  If Bulletproof Coffee, keto or Paleo isn’t giving you the progress you want to make, then it is time to try a new route, but don’t ditch what is working just to try something new and different. Think about your goals and the progress you are making right now and how something different or new might help you get there. I know it sounds silly to remind you to stay calm and think clearly, but seriously, have you or anyone ever made a good decision based on panic, fear, or impulse? Probably not! Fasting for seven days might sound like a good idea when you want to drop five pounds quickly, but when you’re drained, foggy-headed and starving on day three, I’m betting the thought of stopping by the drive thru on the way home sounds a lot better! The problem is that your impulse decision on the seven day fast drove you to the drive-thru, and not to where you really want to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s MY Party!: Weight Loss & The Pity Party

I don’t think I’d ever heard that expression until last year: the Pity Party. I am way too familiar with the idea: “It’s hard! I can’t do it! No one understands! No one helps me!” Blah blah blah…. Yes, I am mean and generally unsympathetic. Everyone has hard things and hard times in their lives! Some of us have more of those hard times than others, and if you are one of those people, then I will do all I can to help you, but there is big percentage of Pity Partyers who either just want attention (sympathy junkies) or others to take care of things for them (mooches).

Recently, I came across one of these Partyers who just wanted everyone else to do things for her.  She was in a bind of her own making and wanted others to bail her out.  Once it became apparent she was not going to do anything to help herself, the party was over! There is nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it as long as you are willing to help yourself.  If you have been fighting sugar cravings, then telling your friends you’re trying to avoid sugar so “please don’t invite me places where I will be tempted!”is a logical request.  When I was new to Paleo, bread was my biggest craving (and it still is), so my friends checked with me before suggesting restaurants. I very much appreciated their concern because they knew I was trying to avoid those kinds of situations!

We all feel sorry for ourselves at some point or another, whether it’s weight loss related or not. All of us have looked in the mirror and felt sorry for ourselves because it feels like we’ve been working so hard on losing weight for so long and we still weigh so much and we’ll never lose the weight…. Actually, that kind of describes my morning! Then, Reality kicks in! Yes, we still haven’t lost all the weight because we’ve been eating off the reservation a little more than we should and if we paid more attention to those foods that aren’t good for us, we’d probably be a little (a lot??) closer to our goals!

That’s the difference between a Pity Party and a momentary wave of self-pity: we accept responsibility.  If you have been working hard and not going rogue like me and still not losing weight, maybe you need professional advice from a nutritionist or bariatric doctor, but for most of us, this isn’t the case.  One of my little mantras from when I was a Bankruptcy paralegal was “our clients make their own problems and they are good at what they do!” The same thing applies in weight loss! The majority of us make our own problems by buying foods that we know we shouldn’t and once at home, we binge on them because they are too tempting! Buying tempting food for family members isn’t what I am talking about. If your kids eat granola bars and they are one of your temptations, then that is a legitimate issue, but if you are buying mango salt water taffy and you are the one who loves it, then don’t pretend you are at the mercy of your family and “no one helps or understands!” If the family doesn’t care if there’s taffy, mango or not, then you are making your own problem.

Another one of my temptations is yogurt. It’s my Dessert of Choice! And it’s not really good for me, because of the sugar and the dairy, but somehow it keeps finding its way into my fridge.  I can make excuses about how I can have it for dinner/ breakfast/ lunch; I can rationalize “it’s better than pudding” but it still doesn’t belong in my house.  I can even lament that I can’t resist the craving– “it’s so hard for me!”  Blah blah– I know better! Why is it in my house? Because I bought it! I know it’s not good for me and I bought it anyway, so when I was feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed this morning, there is no Pity Party because I made these decisions. I made this problem!

There are a lot of us who really are at the mercy of family members who fill the fridge and the kitchen with foods that tempt us.  Those are real issues: you come home hungry and tired and you planned on throwing together some steamed veggies with a piece of grilled chicken, but when you open the fridge, there’s your family’s leftover pizza.  All you have to do is heat that up or even eat it cold if that’s how you like it! It really is tempting: a plate and 2 minutes vs preparing a healthier dinner. Yeah, that’s a real temptation!

I have friends who tell me I am lucky I live alone since I don’t have those kinds of temptations but I have temptations of another kind: the “I don’t have time to cook” temptations.  It would be easy for me to throw myself a massive “I’m all alone with no one to help me!” Pity Party.  I have to do all the shopping, all the housework, all the bills, all the pet care, all the cooking and meal prep, all the errands on top of working, commuting and working out.  And if I want a social life, I have to fit that in there too! It’s just me, all by myself, so when I come home late and I’m tired and I still have to cook, it would be easy for me to rationalize getting something delivered or picking up takeout on the way home, or even– The Drive-Thru! Why not? It’s just me with all those responsibilities.

Will having a Pity Party improve anything? Absolutely not! It solves nothing about my situation or getting me to my goals. It just gets in the way! I can cry to everyone I know about how hard it is ‘doing for myself’ and maybe some friends will contribute a few helpful ideas or errands, but if I ask for help, I have friends and family who will do that anyway. Just so we are clear: asking for help is not the same as having a Pity Party. When you have The Party, it’s the adult equivalent of having a tantrum where everything and everyone stops to look at you wailing about how awful everything is for you. Asking for help is you being rational and calling a friend: “hey if you are going to Costco this week, can you get me some paper towels? Let me know how much they are and when I pick them up I can pay you for them! Thanks!” There’s difference between dealing with our situations, each of which has their own challenges, as responsible adults and having a Whine Fest.

Everyone’s situation is difficult at times and they all have their own challenges, whether it’s going it alone or dealing with a family where everyone eats differently.  My lifestyle isn’t any harder or easier than anyone else’s: it’s just different.  In my situation, I can ask for help.  If you are part of a family who brings home temptation or eats all your healthy options, then your best option is a conversation.  One of the best I’ve heard is the tempting foods go in a certain drawer in the fridge or the kitchen, or vice versa and your stuff is separate from theirs.  Your family and friends are usually happy to help you out, provided you ask like a rational adult; otherwise don’t be surprised if they offer you some cheese to go with that whine!

Want to Finish Strong? Just Keep Running! Weight Loss & Keeping Yourself Moving

There is a lot on social media about “finishing strong” lately.  Even my own water aerobics trainer shouted it at us yesterday as we were splashing around in the pool.  I can understand it: a lot of times we might start strong but as we get increasingly tired or keeping the pace gets hard, we start to slow down like a wind-up toy until we are barely going through the motions. Sometimes, if we are fairly tired towards the end of the workout, we start out going through the motions! If fitness is your goal, this is not the way to get there!

It’s not the way to get there with weight loss either! For a lot of us, the week looks like this: we start out on Monday eating great, making healthy choices, saying no to temptation and then over the next few days, the stress of working, family and daily life starts getting to us. We start feeling really stressed or really rushed because things happen that get in the way of our carefully laid plans and so we start “improvising.” We don’t have time to eat that healthy salad we brought with us so lunch today is a sandwich.  We get stuck having to run an unscheduled errand at the end of the day so rather than fix that healthy dinner we had planned, we opt for something processed but “healthy” and then we worked late and had an early morning so breakfast is something takeout but “on the healthier” side on the way to work.  By Friday, our weight loss plan looks nothing like what you actually planned for the week and you count it as a Win if your dinner Friday night is anywhere close to “healthy!”  As for the weekend, who’s had any chance to make plans for healthy eating? You’ve been too busy!

I know that reality can be a real monkey wrench in the middle of carefully laid plans.  We start out strong but somewhere along the line our resolution crumbles along with our plans. It’s not our fault that Real Life screwed it up!  Seriously?! This is news to you? Where have you been living and how can I move there? Because thinking that everything is always going to go according plan all the time or even just most of the time is living in a fantasy world. Most of us hardened Real World citizens make our plans and if even half of them go as we’d like, we consider ourselves lucky, but we make our plans in spite of Real Life.  There is always the chance than more will go right than not but regardless of how much goes along with the plan or not, we hold fast to our resolution to start strong and finish stronger!

I know this sounds like a lot of cheerleading motivational jargon but the truth of the matter is that our success with weight loss, fitness or anything else we want to achieve begins and ends with our resolve.  No one can make us eat healthy or choose the carrot over the candy bar, especially when we’re on our own.  I heard it said once that the definition of integrity is what one does when no one is watching.  If you pull up to that stop sign in the middle of the night and you are alone on the road, do you stop or do you just blow right through it? I know that Common Sense would say if there is no cross traffic and you are the only car on the road for miles, why stop? In response, let me refer you to a high school classmate who came to that same conclusion and blew through the stop sign only to be pulled over by the police cruiser hiding in the shadows with the lights off.

If he had stopped, there wouldn’t have been any issue, but he thought he could get away with something.  A lot of times, this tends to be our mentality too when our resolution starts to waver. We begin rationalizing excuses why it’s okay to make the choice to eat what’s tempting rather than what’s on our plan.  It’s that damned Real Life again! I don’t have time to cook after running all these unscheduled errands so I have to get takeout! I couldn’t finish my salad so this snack is okay (it makes up for lunch!) NO. It’s NOT okay. Not if you want to reach your weight loss goals.

Anyone can start strong.  All it takes is a little planning. We get on the road to eating healthy and for the first day or so, things are great because they are easy.  Once things start getting bumpy, this is where our resolution gets tested. How committed are we to these goals? Notice: I said goals,” not “plans.” Plans change (there’s that Real Life again!) and our choices aren’t ‘the carrot or the candy bar,’ it’s do we want to finish the week strong or do we want to give up and ‘start strong’ again next week? Hint: there’s a difference between Serial Starters and Finishers. Two or three days of great healthy eating are canceled out by four or five days of really crappy or even mediocre eating! If you are always starting, it means you aren’t finishing! It also means you aren’t making any progress to your goals.

When our resolve starts to waver or our plans end up going out the window again, we have to be strong enough to keep our focus on our goals.  That might mean skipping a meal if what’s best for us isn’t an option.  Just because it’s noon doesn’t mean we have to eat “lunch.” It’s okay to wait to eat something healthy later rather than eat junk food.  It’s also true that we don’t have to eat tacos just because our conference is serving them to us. We don’t have to drink sugary coffee drinks just because they are in season or our friends are all drinking them. Even if we like them, the question really is what we want more: our goals or tacos, seasonal lattes or the candy bars.

Too often we tell ourselves that we can never have these foods again, which isn’t true, but it goes back to our resolve. We know what our trigger foods are.  Some of us can have a holiday coffee and never feel the urge for another one (me, for example!) One holiday latte won’t trigger a binge for me, but a Kings Hawaiian roll? One of those turns into four before I know it!  Well, not really…. because I know bread is a trigger for me. This is where I have to ask myself: do I want the bread more than I want my goals? Because not only will the bread throw my weight loss plans out the window, it’ll also make me feel cruddy physically too.  So not only will I feel bad not finishing the week strong, I’ll plain just feel bad! So where is the Win eating the bread? The few minutes it takes to eat it?  Sound like a Lose-Lose to me!

Finishing strong takes practice because it’s hard. Starting and even starting strong is easy by comparison. It’s a lot like a marathon. Anyone can start a marathon: you stand at the starting line and run a step or two: congrats! you just started a marathon! But no one gets awards for starting because it’s the finishing that counts! When things get hard and people start dropping out of the race, the ones who keep running keep running because they’ve practiced. They’ve run this race before and they know what to do when it gets hard.  It’s a whole lot of work and practice but they keep running: they know their goal is up ahead and they just have to keep running to get there.  When our weeks get tough and everyone else starts giving up, remember our goals are also in our reach. We just have to keep running until we reach the finish line.