Laughter, Fear & Weight Loss: Taking a Stand

Humans are bit of a paradox: we like to think we stand out as individuals in a crowd, but at the same time, we don’t want to stand out too much. We don’t like to think we are just ordinary but then we don’t want to be “that weirdo” either.

This is especially true when it comes to our weight: being as plump or chubby as everyone else is okay, but being really big? Not okay.  This idea of being too far outside the norm becomes a real problem just at a time when we think we’d be getting over it. I’m talking about going to the gym.

We’ve either started losing weight or we’ve made the decision to be more active so we head to the gym, and once we’re there, we realize it’s full of athletic, toned sweaty people in tight fitting clothes who know what they are doing.  Our first thought: “holy sh**! what did I sign up for?” It’s bad enough not being familiar with the gym itself, where things are, and how to use the equipment, but we’re also aware that we look a lot different from everyone else.  Now when we fumble with the equipment or get lost trying to find the weight room, it’s obvious that we’re chubbos who’ve never been in a gym before! This is pretty much why Planet Fitness’s slogans are “No Gymtimidation” and “The Judgment Free Zone.” They’re marketing to all the chubby gym newbies who are scared of sticking out!  (Planet Fitness was the first gym I joined, although their motto had nothing to do with my reasons: they were cheap and they were close to my house.  The gym I belong to now (In-Shape) is also close, though twice as much but it’s got a pool. If Planet Fitness had had a pool, I would still be there!)

There’s really not much you can do about learning how to use the equipment and where things are in your gym except experience and asking for help when you need it. The more you are there, the more you do, the more at home it becomes.  In this respect, everyone at one time or another was new to your gym and was wandering through the locker room looking for the showers or the towel bin.  It’s that being so much bigger, so ‘out of shape,’ that makes us feel even more self-conscious. It feels like everyone is looking at us and laughing.

As I mentioned before, I had been a Planet Fitness member and had gotten relatively comfortable with the treadmill, but when my doctor and physical therapist recommended a pool for me, I moved to In-Shape (the therapist’s suggestion). So about the time I was feeling pretty comfortable with my old gym, I had to start all over with new one, and on top of that, I had to wear a swimsuit in a public area, where everyone could see me!

It’s bad enough feeling like an idiot trying to figure out where everything is in the gym and then feeling like a fat lazy blob when you walk in and now you’ve got to wear a swimsuit so all your chubby parts and muffin top are visible to anyone who walks by the big glass walls of the pool. Ugh! Talk about torture! Isn’t this one of the top five nightmares that terrify most people?

In all honesty, being unfamiliar with the equipment bothers me the most.  I’m afraid of breaking equipment or injuring myself because I am doing the move incorrectly. As for wearing a swimsuit in public or a tank top or shorts? Not a problem! I remember years ago, I went by a weight loss company (something like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers) to check it out and the ‘counselor’ asked me if I wore shorts or tank tops in public. I remember telling her yes and being a little confused: “am I not supposed to wear them because of my weight?” She appeared equally confused because at the time I was easily about 375+ and apparently people “my weight” normally don’t wear revealing clothes in public out of fear of ridicule and embarrassment.

What this counselor didn’t know was that when I walked into her office sometime in the late 1990’s, I had already spent a lifetime being laughed at in public.  I went to a private grade school full of thin affluent white/ Anglo kids with ‘normal’ names like Jimmy, Molly, Kathy and Scott.  I, by contrast, was a poor overweight Mexican girl with a weird first name! In fact, outside of being overweight since grammar school, my name was the biggest target: Koren. (It really didn’t help that the teachers and administrators couldn’t spell or pronounce it either!)  Since childhood, I’ve been Karen, Koran, Korean, Korine and Koreen until the boys in the class finally settled on Korndog.  The teachers were completely aware of this appalling nickname bestowed upon me, but since it was the poor fat Mexican kid with the name no one could spell or pronounce– meh! whaddaya gonna do?

As I said, the teachers and administrators were completely unconcerned and neither my sister nor I mentioned this humiliation to my parents who would probably have raised a huge embarrassing stink with the principal (whose son was in my class and one of the offenders) so it went on for several years. My choices were either let the nickname bother me or go on with my life. In this day and age, this would be called bullying and harassment, neither of which would be tolerated at the school for fear of a lawsuit, but in the late 1970’s & early ’80’s, bullying and harassment were a part of every day life in grade school.  It’s just the way it was!

So when I walked into that weight loss center, I was pretty much over the whole ‘fear of being laughed at,’ at least for my weight. Being laughed at for doing something stupid was– and still is– a much bigger fear, and in these days of names like Jaeden, Brookline, Hadley and Genesis for little girls, having a different name at my age just puts me ahead of the curve!  The idea of changing what I wear so I won’t ‘look fat’ was a total non-starter.

All of us who are overweight know you can’t hide obesity.  Yes, you can wear clothes that minimize the pudgy parts and hold in that muffin top.  You can wear colors, patterns and designs that are more flattering and I think we should, because the better you feel about yourself,  the more confident you are.  Feeling bad about yourself because you are overweight is not a requirement for obesity or weight loss!

The problem is that’s what happens when you slink around the gym trying to be invisible!  When you try to hide how you look or that you’re uncomfortable in the weight room or you wear baggy t-shirts and shorts into the pool to hide your belly and thighs, you are shaming yourself.  You are telling everyone who sees you that you are not proud of yourself or that you are ashamed to be at the gym.  When I first started using the pool, the swimsuit I had was a tankini: shorts and a long tank-style top.  I had gotten it at Target in the plus size department and all they had were tankinis, so I had two of them.  Once those wore out, I went online and bought a regular two-piece with shorts and a bikini top– NOT a tankini!  Yes, they hide the muffin top and some of the pudgy thighs but overall, they get in the way of the workout! So when I walk out of the locker room headed to the pool area, going right by the weights and the sauna and the steam room and tanning beds, everyone can see me in my two piece: there’s the muffin belly, the saggy skin on my legs, thighs, bingo wings and my great big butt.  I don’t wrap my towel around myself on the way to the pool (on the way back, hell yes! It’s cold in that hallway!) I’m there to get some exercise and have some fun, just like everyone else in my class and everyone else in the gym.

Having been a regular at gyms for a while now, I’ve noticed a few things: those toned athletic young people are just about out-numbered by the older chubby less-toned members.  For every shirtless young guy in shorts is an older guy with a belly, age spots and cut off sweats.  For every tanned young woman with sculpted arms and legs is an older grey haired woman with chubby thighs and a double chin. No one points at anyone else and most members are happy to help someone new by pointing out the locker room or how to use the equipment. I admit the first time I walked into a gym, I was nervous. I didn’t know where anything was or how anything worked, and it took a little time before I got comfortable with everything.  Being nervous is okay but being afraid isn’t.  If you let your fear of being laughed at dictate what you do and where you go, you will have a very narrow and lonely life. Being overweight isn’t a crime any more than being poor, Mexican or having a different first name. Being afraid of being laughed at or being ashamed of who you are has no place in the gym or in our lives.  I learned that in grade school.

Do One Thing, Do It Well & Move On To The Next: Weight Loss & Repetition

Like most people my age (50+), I grew up watching M*A*S*H and one of my favorite characters was Major Charles Emerson Winchester, III.  He was a pompous snob and obviously meant to be the butt of Hawkeye & BJ’s jokes, but he was also very well read and educated and when he went on about opera or authors, I usually knew who he was talking about.  I admit: I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to great literature too!

During his first episode, he made it clear that he does things his way.  He pompously announced to everyone in the operating room: “I do one thing, I do it well and then I move on to the next.”  Despite all his arrogance and ego, he was not wrong about that.  One of our biggest mistakes when it comes to making New Year’s Resolutions or any kind of ‘self-improvement’ changes is that we try to do too much at once.  Instead of doing one thing, doing it well and moving on to what’s next on our list, we decide we are going to do it all now and save some time and effort!

Big Mistake!! Biiiigggg Mistake!! Huge!! I honestly can’t say it enough.  Remember when you were a kid and you saw the jugglers at the carnival? Five or six balls or batons in the air all floating easily like it’s no trick at all?  Remember when you tried juggling tennis balls and just got hit in the face by all of them? YUP!! That’s pretty much what happens to us when we write our list of resolutions and then try doing them all at once.  The only difference is that if we were hit in the face by them, we would probably learn something (like we did when we were ten and tried juggling) instead of trying to do them all again the next year or the next time!  Sometimes bruises are good for something, and I really think if New Year’s Resolutions came with bruises when we screwed up, we might learn a little faster!

The trick isn’t that different from learning to juggle or even Maj. Winchester’s pompous pronouncement: do one thing, do it well and then move on!  When novice jugglers learn, they start with one ball or baton: toss it, watch it, catch it.  Repeat.  It’s harder than it looks, really, because it means tossing it straight and knowing where it’s coming down. So once you can catch it blindfolded, you get to add another ball/ baton. As in, one ball/ baton.  Now you get to catch two of them! Repeat until you’re about to die from boredom, and when you can catch both of those blindfolded, you get to step up to the Big Leagues and add in a third ball/ baton.  Now you’re really juggling! You’ve got three objects in the air and once you’ve got all three going, then and pretty much only then, you appreciate all that super boring practice with balls one and two!  Because you practiced until you could toss and catch without even thinking about it, now that you actually have to think about # 3, not thinking about # 1 and # 2 makes it look easy and almost effortless.  Really, even though you’ve got three balls in the air, you really only have to think about ONE.  That’s the secret with juggling and that’s the secret with weight loss and ‘self-improvement’ habits: you do one thing until you do it well, and then you add another.

I wish I could tell you it’s glamorous or exciting or even funny like on M*A*S*H, but it’s not. The behind-the-scenes truth to juggling, working out and weight loss is just more of that super boring repetition. When you watch the jugglers or any kind of performance, what you are seeing is the Finished Product. It might be five minutes or less of a trapeze artist flying through the air or two jugglers sending batons back and forth with flawless ease, but what you don’t see is the hours of dropped batons, getting smacked in the face or the trapeze artist missing her hold and falling into the safety net.  That’s the whole point: they make something extremely difficult look amazingly easy!

This is what happens when we are presented with the infomercials and diet books/ plans and exercise programs.  They make it look like it’s just so simple and all you need is fifteen minutes or less! Everyone has fifteen minutes! No counting, no meetings, no measuring! It’s just fun delicious food and fifteen minutes of walking! Anyone can do this and have rock hard muscles, a chiseled six pack and lose twenty lbs in six weeks! Really! Just sign here!

Ummm…….NO. It’s never that easy because you have to do it. Consistently.  The fact is that even if it is as easy as opening a box of diet food and eating it or using your new machine for fifteen minutes, it’s still a change to your regular routine. How easy is it to say “I’ll do it later”? Even if it’s only a few minutes, you have to find a way to stick into your day: before or after dinner/ lunch/ breakfast? After work? Before work? Does walking the dog count? The same thing goes for opening that box of microwave diet food: it’s not what you normally eat and it’s one thing if you live by yourself, but when everyone else at home is doing “make your own taco night,” you’re there with your diet pasta.  Everyone else is having ice cream for Netflix night and you’re okay with your diet chocolate brownie?

I don’t mean to make trouble with exercise and diet plans but eventually we get tired of the repetition. It’s work! That should be obvious to us but what we were sold was “simple and easy.” If you want to buy the machine because you don’t want to go to the gym, that’s great! Just remember that the machine only works when you use it and you’re going to have to use it. Again and again and again. It’s the same thing with whatever diet plan you choose: it only works when you follow it, whether it’s make it yourself Paleo or frozen diet food from wherever. If you give in and decide to have taco night with the family, and then the ice cream and then the fried zucchini and burgers on the weekend, it’s going to cancel out the diet breakfast and lunch you’ve been eating. Unless your office had pizza at the weekly meeting or bagels at the Friday conference, and you didn’t want to look different by not eating. Then, you’re consistently not-eating your diet food.

Consistency is the monkey wrench in learning anything new and the secret to being consistent is the super boring repetition that makes the jugglers, trapeze artists and everyone else look awesome.  No one wants to hear about being boringly consistent doing the same thing again and again.  Where we get overwhelmed is when we try to be consistent with too many things all at once: again, if dropping our new healthy routines ended with a bruise on our face like a missed tennis ball, we’d probably be more sensible about starting new healthy habits!

Making one change to your regular routine is easier than making two, three or more changes. Whether it’s going to the gym, eating your new healthy meals or even just going to bed earlier: choose one, and do it until you don’t need to think about it anymore. Once it’s a complete no-brainer, move on to what’s next on your list and repeat. It’s not glamorous or exciting but it works! FYI: the exciting part comes when your waist gets smaller, your arms get cut and you can fit into the same size jeans you wore in high school. It’s the equivalent of the flawless rhythm of batons flying through the air with the greatest of ease! No one has to know it was day after day of being boringly consistent: show off the amazing results! You worked hard for it so enjoy being awesome for a while!

 

Jumping Through Hoops: There’s Always a Loophole!

Most of us are used to things like paperwork, phone trees and red tape: nothing is ever simple anymore! Calling an agency to get a stupid fax number means giving out your name, your number and whatever ‘file’ or ‘reference’ number you’re ‘calling about’!  Seriously??  “I’m calling to get a dang fax number!! As soon as you get the dang fax, you’ll know what this is about!!”

The truth is that ‘modern life’ is full of different kinds of stressors and hassles and it’s a never-ending drama.  As soon as one problem resolves itself, another pops up.  Welcome to the Real World!  While we all know this, we usually don’t deal with it very well when it comes to weight loss, eating healthy and working out.  We use reality and its issues as excuses to blow off the healthy meal choice, the workout schedule or losing weight: “I can’t deal with one more thing today- it’ll have to wait until tomorrow/ next week/ after the holidays.”

Okay…so when exactly are you not going to have ‘something going on?’  Here’s my Real Life example: my mother had major back surgery the first week of August (it is now the middle of November) and since then has been in a convalescent hospital.  My dad (who is her retired ex-husband) has been visiting her every other day, mainly to shuttle her stuff back and forth between her house and the hospital and pick up her mail.  It also means he’s been caring for her dogs those days.  The days he doesn’t come (he lives 75 miles away), I’ve been going to her house to care for her dogs and bring in her mail.  I work five days a week with a 4 hour commute round trip; I work out three days a week and on the weekends, I spend a half day Saturdays and Sundays at her house to give her dogs some outside time and some people time.  This means I’m usually leaving for work around 6:45 a.m. (normal time) but I’m getting home around 8:00 p.m. which is not normal, even on workout nights!  In addition to my job, her dogs and my work out schedule, I also have my own pets and my own errands (like vehicle maintenance, grooming appointments and oh yeah a personal life?)  So right in the middle of this mess, my car decides to break down for the second time in less than a month, which means I had to borrow my sister’s car- so grateful!! But mine took a week to get repaired, mainly due to the incompetence of the repair shop.  As a result, I missed one workout because I was getting my car towed, and I missed the following day’s workout because we thought my mom was getting out of the hospital and we had to pick up her belongings.  By the time we realized that wasn’t happening, I’d missed my class! This past Monday, still driving my sister’s car, I showed up at my gym for my workout class only to realize my membership tag was on my car keys. In the shop with my car! GRRR!!! Luckily, my gym has an app with my ‘card’ on it, so I was able to make it to that class at least!

The point isn’t that I’ve got a buttload of excuses not to make my workouts, not to prepare a healthy dinner (at 8:00 p.m.) and plenty of excuses to eat fast food and lay around the house ‘resting.’  I’ve got great ‘reasons’ to ‘worry about my goals later.’  The point is that if I just decided to ‘take a break’ from my goals and go back to working out and eating healthy after my mom gets home from the hospital, I’d’ve been waiting for three months already! “Let me put my goals on hold for a quarter of the year, and counting!”

The point is that life is always this way!  It’s kind of how life works: we do what we want in spite of the real world! Believe me, I’m not some superwoman; there are a few nights where I blew off my cardio class to go home and go to bed (like at 7:30 p.m.)! I figured if I were too dang tired to make it to my workout, then I was at least going to do something productive and get some much needed sleep! Although I think it was a better decision that further exhausting myself, I am still not happy about it, mainly because the cardio class is only 8 sessions and it’s not included in my gym membership (where I can show up at the pool to do a workout on my own).

I admit that my weight loss has suffered, mainly because stress and lack of sleep really get in the way.  There have also been some holiday-related treats which probably would have happened without the added stress as an excuse to splurge. The point I am trying to make is that we need to fight for our goals despite what life throws at us.  It’s okay to pick your battles, like when I opted to go home to bed rather than making my cardio class.  I had to ask myself which would be more benefit to me, and honestly, I still think I was a little lazy, even though I pretty much fell asleep as soon as I got into bed! As for waiting until the craziness to stop? I’d be waiting forever! My goals are important to me and I know it’s going to take work to get there, even without the nutty schedule I’ve got right now.

The point I’m trying to reinforce is that if we want to find an excuse or a ‘reason’ to do or not do something, we will always find it.  There will always be something that’s ‘not convenient,’ such as working late, being sick, having a lot of errands, feeling stressed, or just not ‘feeling like it.’  I know at the pool, the classes have been getting smaller and smaller, partly I am sure due to the colder weather, and partly because of the upcoming holidays.  People are busy and that’s their choice, but if you claim you are ‘working hard’ towards your goals, then why are you letting excuses get in your way?

There are a lot of people, including some of my friends, who look at how busy my life is and tell me that I’m entitled to take a day off.  I think they’re right, especially since the last time I let myself get run down, I caught a cold.  I also know that skipping my classes doesn’t make me feel better- it adds to my stress because ‘now I missed a workout!’  I’d rather make my workout, do something I enjoy doing with people I like and feel better mentally and physically.  If my workouts don’t make me feel better, then I am not going to do them, and neither should you! I chose these classes because I like how they make me feel- getting the exercise and building strength are bonuses to me.  They are what I want to do and what I would be doing with my time if Real Life weren’t getting in my way, so they are not a sacrifice or a burden- they are my ‘fun time.’

I’ve heard it said that we make the time for things that are important to us, and I believe that is true.  One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Thomas Paine: “what we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.” I remind myself of that often.  If it didn’t cost us anything, then we don’t value it enough.  That’s why I make the time for workouts and for eating healthy.  Getting this far has been a lot of work and effort and throwing it away to eat chips and burgers and other junk food is simply not an option for me.  Finding workout classes that I enjoy was more effort and time as well as money, so throwing those away aren’t options either! These things- my health and my happiness- are important to me, which is why I will be driving to the gym after work and then driving to my mom’s to feed and play with the dogs and then driving home to throw together a salad and reheating rotisserie chicken for the hundredth time! (FYI: not taking care of her dogs is also not an option!) I worked hard to get here, and I’m not going to hop through some ‘excuse loophole’ to cheat myself out of my hard work!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mindset: A Healthy Body Starts in Your Head

Mindset has become one of the new buzzwords in social media, and while I’m usually not a fan of following a trend, in this case they are right.  Mindset is an incredibly important part of achieving any goal and it’s usually the part that is discounted or overlooked, mainly because we are in a hurry to get to our goal.

I admit I am someone who rushes.  I’m one of those “don’t give me that ‘positive reinforcement’ crap! Just tell me how to do it!” people.  Over the years, this philosophy had NOT served me well. (Big shock, I know!)  I’ve learned the hard way that rushing to my goal without watching where I am going or how to get there is a recipe for disaster.  Remember the last time you went to make cookies (or lasagna or whatever)?  You pull out the recipe and check to make sure you have all the ingredients and tools you need before you start; otherwise it’s mix the flour, the salt, the baking soda and then cream the butter, brown sugar, white sugar and the vanilla.  Ooops!! No vanilla! And the brown sugar is hard as a rock too!!  Let’s go to the store.  Now once we’ve mixed the wet and the dry ingredients, we need to add the chocolate chips.  Ooops!! Forgot we used those last week!! Back to the store!! Now we add the nuts…?? Do we have nuts??

Frankly, no one over twelve years old makes cookies that way, and usually we only have to go through that once before we learn to read the recipe first.  It’s common sense, but when it comes to getting to our goals, we have a tendency to throw common sense out the window.  After all, our goals aren’t Nestle Toll House Cookies!  We don’t need baking soda, flour and butter to get there!

But what we do need is equally important.  Just like we need flour as a basis for those cookies, we need the proper mindset to reach our goals.  Everything else depends on that mindset, just like making those cookies with everything BUT the flour would be a complete mess! No flour – no cookies; no mindset – no goals!

Mindset is what everything else is built on and what holds it all together as we progress to our goals.  How we think about ourselves is the biggest part of reaching our goals, and this is what I mean when I say mindset is overlooked.  On the simplest, most basic level, it is our confidence in ourselves: if I believe I can do this, I will do this!

I recently saw a Mysteries at the Museum episode that included Niagara Falls and Nik Wallenda.  As a member of the iconic Flying Wallendas family, already known for death-defying stunts, in 2012 he decided he was going to be the first person to walk a high wire across the widest part of Niagara Falls (the Horseshoe Falls).  At night, no less! Let’s think about this: I’m going to walk 1800 feet on a slippery two inch diameter cable across Niagara Falls (windy, wet and misty) in the dark where one missed step is Certain Death.  As he stepped out onto that wire with only a thin cable attached to a ‘safety harness,’ do you think he was telling himself, “I got a good chance at getting this right”? That’s a pretty stupid question, but how many times have we tried to reach our goals telling ourselves that very same phrase? (FYI: you can see his walk on Youtube!)

We undermine our confidence in little ways and by giving ourselves little escape hatches.  These are thoughts like ‘it’s okay to eat dessert when I’m out with friends,’ or ‘I always eat too much on the weekends.’ These are self-fulfilling prophecies: you thought it was going to happen, so you made it happen, whether you consciously thought about it or not! Giving yourself to permission to overeat  (even if it’s ‘healthy foods’) or eat when you’re not hungry is one way that we set ourselves up to fall short of our goals.  We don’t have to be super-strict or hyper-vigilant or drag ourselves to the gym even though we’ve got a hacking cough, but we need to keep our goals in focus by keeping our thoughts focused on reaching them.

Remember the last time you went for a job interview and you paid attention to the little details, like making sure your hair wasn’t shaggy and out of control; you didn’t have tuna-breath or spinach in your teeth; your suit was pressed; your shoes were shined; your briefcase/ purse didn’t look like it was going to explode, etc? It’s that kind of thinking: because you never know what an interviewer is going to notice and what might be a deal-breaker, you try to control for all possibilities.

For weight loss or fitness, it’s changing around your thinking from “I can eat dessert when I’m out with friends” to “I’ll only eat half my dessert” or even “I choose not to eat dessert.” It’s telling yourself “I’m going to stick to my eating plan this weekend” or “I’m being more mindful of my eating choices” or “I’m only eating when I am truly hungry.” It’s noticing the details that we normally gloss over when it comes to food and eating and making our workouts. When we look at ourselves in the mirror before we leave for the job interview, the details are what we are looking for.  When we go out the door to hit the mall or the grocery store, do we even look in the mirror beyond yeah, I’m dressed?

When something or someone is important to us, it shows in our lives. We do little things for our family or spouse/ partner because they really matter to us.  We put in our best efforts at our job because we take pride in our work. When we make the decision to think about our goals with the same kind of positive mindfulness that we take to something else like our jobs, our families or our finances, the investment shows in our progress.  We work for what we value, and when we tell ourselves that eating the whole sleeve of Oreos isn’t a big deal, we aren’t only not valuing our goal, we aren’t valuing ourselves! We wake up feeling cruddy because we ate badly the day before and we didn’t get enough sleep, even though eating better and getting more sleep are two of our goals. We put them on the back burner because the drive-thru was convenient and the cheesecake was available and then we stayed up past midnight because we were scrolling through Facebook and Twitter, and shopping online.  It’s spend now, pay later mentality.  I’m eating what I want and doing what I want now and I’ll worry about tomorrow tomorrow, but soon enough tomorrow is today and we wake up feeling bloated, tired and achy: “I’ve gotta do something about this! I’m going to do better today!” but then the drive-thru is convenient and there’s donuts in the break room and Starz is showing Alien: Convenant at 11:00 p.m. ‘Doing something’ and ‘Being better’ starts with being mindful about tomorrow today: “if I eat these donuts and stay up to 2:30 a.m., how am I going to feel when the alarm goes off at 6?” An even better question is “what can I do today to make me feel awesome tomorrow?”

When we keep those thoughts in our head, they eventually become second nature: they become habit.  It can be a bit awkward at first but it gets easier with practice just like everything else. Earlier this year, California passed a shopping bag law: all grocery stores now charge for disposable bags and many stores posted signs on their front entrances reminding customers about their reusable bags. The first few weeks it was normal to hear someone get to the register: “I forgot my bags!” Now, months later, although the reminders are still on the doors, you see everyone crossing the parking lot with bags in hand.  It became a habit: got my keys, got my purse, got my bags!

When it comes to food choices and fitness, it’s as simple as thinking before eating or before skipping the workout: “am I skipping this for a legitimate reason (working late; really sick; unexpected occurrence) or am I blowing it off?”; “Am I eating this because I’m honestly hungry, or because I’m bored or I ‘really want it’?”; “Am I up late because I need to finish this project for tomorrow or because I just want to stay up?” (Really, that last one is one of my hardest. I like being up late and I hate getting up in early!)

It really is like an investment: when we value our goals by being more mindful, we start seeing the progress in our health and weight loss. Our actions follow our thoughts: when we are confident in ourselves, we are confident in our actions and when we know our actions deliver, our confidence continues to grow.  That’s where success starts: not in our actions but in our thoughts.

 

 

 

Perspective: Seeing the Elephant in the Room

One of the best things about being an eminently employable English major is that I come across a lot of different literature from many different cultures.  One of my favorites is “The Blind Men and the Elephant.”  It’s an Indian parable about perspectives found in Hindu, Buddhist and Jain texts, so all we really know about its origins is that it is ancient.  The story goes that six blind men learn that an elephant was brought to their village and having not experienced one before, they go to “see” the animal with their hands.  Each man touches a different part of the elephant and comes away with a different viewpoint than the others.  One feels the tusk and determines that an elephant is like a spear; another feels its tail and concludes it looks like a rope; another feels the ear and thinks it looks like a fan; another feels its leg and says it looks like a tree trunk; one feels its side and believes an elephant is like a wall; and the last touches its trunk and believes the elephant is like a snake.  From there, the story varies with the text but the point is that each is seeing only one part and one perspective of the elephant. In order to really determine what an elephant looks like, they need to see the whole creature or at least compare their findings, because each of them is correct about the part that they touched, but none of them is correct in what an elephant truly looks like.

Perspective is massively important when it comes to weight loss, health and fitness, and it’s where so many of us get in trouble.  It’s easy to lose weight if you don’t care about being healthy, and the same is true about fitness. Most of us think in terms of “losing weight” or “getting fit,” but neither of those are important if we don’t think in terms of Being Healthy (the whole elephant.)  When I was in college, I had a roommate who was also overweight.  We really commiserated over it because we both liked a lot of the same foods and we both tried being vegetarian and both of us ended up gaining weight.  I ran into her a few years after she moved out (both of us were in the pharmacy line, FYI) and I didn’t recognize her because she had lost so much weight.  Unfortunately, it was due to Type I diabetes.  Her pancreas had stopped functioning and now she was insulin dependent. She had to check her blood sugar several times a day and inject insulin before every meal to control her blood sugar. I remember her telling me she had always dreamed of losing weight, but this was not how she thought it would happen.  She was over a hundred pounds thinner than she had been when she lived with me but she certainly was not healthy.  Even worse, she was pregnant with her second child which put both her life and her baby’s at risk!

When we approach weight loss or fitness, we can’t just focus on the one aspect that we want to prioritize, otherwise we lose sight of the whole elephant. “Being thin” or “being muscular” is of no importance if you aren’t healthy also.  Some of you know that I lost an aunt in 2003 due to complications from anorexia.  She’d had a gastric bypass, which in my opinion she did not need as she barely weighed 200 lbs, but the end result was that she stopped eating, which is not an uncommon side effect of the bypass.  Ultimately, she ended up collapsing, catching an infection and dying. She was the same age as I am now, and while I’m not exactly young anymore, I have a lot to look forward to and so did she. But she had also always dreamed of being thin, and for months prior to her death, family members had been begging her to see a doctor, because it was so painfully obvious that she was not healthy or happy.  Unfortunately, no one could help her.

Some of us do the same thing with exercise: we lose sight of our overall health, which is what really matters.  We’ve all heard the stories of people who over-exercise, or eat and then work out super hard to burn off all the calories they ate.  Some of us try to “out exercise” a bad diet, but most nutritionists and doctors will tell you that 90% of weight loss comes through your food choices and the remaining 10% is your activity. Basically, you can exercise until your arms fall off but if you’re eating donuts and drinking Pepsi every morning for breakfast, you’re not going to be accomplishing much!

Most of us are in a hurry to reach our goals- I know I am! But over-training and starving ourselves isn’t the way to “get cut” and/ or “get thin.”  Drastically cutting calories and working out really really hard are stressors on the body, so our body goes into conservation mode if we stick with these practices for a long time.  We will probably lose some weight and maybe build some muscle at first, but the longer we stick with it, the more the body begins to conserve its fat stores.  This looks like it might be a famine or some kind of catastrophe: basically a lot of hard work and not a lot of calories coming in.  The body’s first priority is survival: nothing else matters if it (i.e. YOU) don’t survive another day, so it takes steps to make sure you last as long as possible.  This is why Biggest Loser ‘winners’ end up gaining weight eating 1000 calories a day: their bodies have slowed their metabolisms so much after a prolonged period of starvation and hard exercise (i.e. the tv show), that now any calories coming in over the subsistence level gets stored! The body is trying to protect itself against another catastrophe where it (the ‘winner’) drastically lost weight.

Obviously, that is not a healthy situation to be in.  I really want to lose a lot of weight and I’d really like to have more muscles, especially as I’m getting older.  I don’t want to be the helpless old lady (with the zillion cats!) but I also know that it’s going to take some time to lose weight and gain muscle in a healthy way.  That means growing long term healthy habits like eating for nutrition without starving myself and being more active without over-training or injuring myself.  Both of those mean that it’s going to take some time, since my body and metabolism are going to make slow healthy adaptations to my new lifestyle.  I need to keep my eye on the ultimate goal of Being Healthy rather than my chosen perspective of Being Thin.  As I’ve learned the hard way, being thin doesn’t count for much if you’re too sick to enjoy it.

Try It! You’ll Like It!

In my last post (“Getting Out of Our Own Way”), I made the comment that we will never succeed at anything if we don’t try.  Most of you who read my blog know that I am a hard-core TLC addict, mainly My 600 lb Life.  A lot of my family and friends don’t understand my addiction to the show and I usually quip that it’s my version of a 12 step meeting.  They think I’m joking but I’m not.  I came way too close for qualifying as a patient on that show, but more importantly, I keep learning things from it and it reinforces the positive changes that I’ve made in my life.

Sometimes, though, the patients are as irritating as all hell and one of the things that irritates me the most is when they whine and cry about how they “can’t,” as in they can’t walk, they can’t stand up, they can’t exercise, they can’t ‘insert basic human function here.’ (Yes. They cry.) They can manage to get to the kitchen for the ice cream, even though they are too big to fit in the front seat of an SUV.  They can’t eat healthy but they can sit on the sofa and make the meatloaf and mashed potatoes for someone else to finish on the stove.  They can’t bathe themselves but they can have someone set up the deep-fryer next to their bed so they can fry up some crab cakes for their po’boy.  I think it’s a matter of motivation and determination: if you want it bad enough, you will put in the effort! As Dr. Nowzaradan says in the intro to the show: “if you were serious, you’d make changes.”

There will always be a reason not to try something: fear of failure; fear of looking stupid; fear of not doing it right.  I mentioned some of these in my most recent post.  They are all legitimate fears.  As my mom rightly pointed out, no one likes to be laughed at or made fun of.  (I personally subscribe to the Dr. Seuss philosophy: “be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.” Not everyone is as thick-skinned and b*tchy as I am, however!) At the same time, if you let your fear dictate your boundaries in life, what are you left with?  Usually, not a lot!

For a long time after I started losing weight, I didn’t want to exercise.  I was afraid it would hurt; I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it; I was afraid I would injure myself.  Eventually, I realized that I didn’t know if any of those were true because I didn’t try.  So I went down to the gym and used the treadmill, which did hurt my knees (thank you, arthritis!), and my doctor told me to use a pool instead.  So I switched gyms, and one day when I went to the pool, I discovered there was a water aerobics class going on and the instructor invited me to join in! And it didn’t hurt and it was fun and I’ve been going twice a week since.  In fact, taking the water aerobics class gave me the confidence to try a regular aerobics class.  (Building confidence is another benefit of trying new things.) I signed up for an aerobics class at the local junior college. FYI: both instructors are in their early 70’s, so no excuses about being old!

This class is little more challenging than the water aerobics and there are some days I come home from the class sore and exhausted.  There are a lot of exercises that I’m not good at and are frankly just too hard for me.  Correction: they are too hard for me right now, but I keep trying.  I keep showing up and I keep working at it and I am getting better. There are exercises that I couldn’t do when I started the class that are easy now by comparison, and at the last class, I did something I haven’t been able to do since I started the class nearly a year ago: I could balance on one leg.  That may not sound like much, until you try and fail. I try every time and until last night, I was never able to do it. Frankly, it is a little scary thinking you might fall and hurt yourself.  That’s how I shattered my wrist fifteen years ago (I had to get hardware installed- ugh!) There are some students in the class who move off the wrestling mats to balance, but I stay on the mats because if I should fall, I’d like some padding! The instructors are really good about telling us not do something if it causes pain and if we need to take a break or modify the exercise to do so; do what we can to the best of our abilities, and I think they are right to do so, but I also think they are right in encouraging us to keep trying.  I could have told myself that I can’t balance on one leg and I shouldn’t try because what if I fall and break another bone? I could have just said: can’t do it-don’t try! But I keep trying it every class.

I’m not trying to pat myself on the back and say: “whoo hoo! look at me!” Because really, balancing on one leg is something most three year olds can do, and pretty much anyone else who’s not as out of shape as I am.  We do push-ups every class and I’ll probably never manage those on my toes- or my knees for that matter, but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying.  Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll surprise myself and manage to do those too!

The point is that so many of Dr. Now’s patients keep claiming they “can’t!” It hurts to walk; it hurts to stand up; it hurts to exercise- blah blah blah! Stop complaining about what you can’t do and do what you can! (Oops!… did I really just type that??) There are a lot of people who just learn to live with limitations because they have actual incurable physical handicaps, such as spinal cord injuries, MS or other conditions that limit what they can do.  When I listen to patients on the show talk about being ‘trapped in a bed or a room’ because of their weight, I get impatient with them. When they show up at Dr. Nowzaradan’s office, he usually asks them “what is your highest weight?” and they usually say “this is my highest weight.” It took me a while to figure out why he asks that question: he wants to know what improvements they have tried, and a lot of them haven’t tried anything.  It’s not that I am unsympathetic, but no one forces you to eat 10,000 calories a day.  To gain weight at 500 lbs, you have to eat about that much.  In actual food, that’s three sourdough jack burgers, three large fries, six regular Jack in the Box tacos, three McDonald’s hot cakes and sausage breakfasts, and three servings of Olive Garden lasagna.  Every day.  That’s approximately 10,065 calories, and if you weigh about 500 lbs, eating anything less than that means you lose weight. I also understand that for many people, the biological urge to eat is usually triggered by a psychological stressor.  I know that one all too well! Eating is a comforting distraction and the more stress you feel, the more you want to eat, and there is also the physical addiction to the fast starchy carbs aka bread and sugar.  I have struggled with all of those!

I also know if you don’t try, you won’t make progress! Weight loss is like any other new skill: it takes time and practice to learn it and get better at it.  That means you have to keep trying even when you screw it up. There aren’t “Calorie Gremlins” that appear while you’re sleeping and stuff cookies, burgers and milkshakes down your throat.  They don’t tie you to the bed or the chair and force you to stay immobile. The pain that comes with being super morbidly obese is mental, physical and spiritual, but even though this is where you are, the only thing keeping you there is you. I’m not accusing people of quitting or being lazy or even being afraid of failure. I’ve done all those things and I’ve been the one saying “it’s too hard” or “it hurts too much.” Those were the choices I made and I had to live with the consequences for most of my life.

I remember how much it hurt to walk when I weighed 438 lbs.  It hurt to walk, it hurt to stand, it hurt to sit for long periods. Laying flat on my back was a little scary: am I going to stop breathing if I fall asleep? I remember how embarrassing it was buying clothes and being afraid of ripping out the seams in the clothes I still had.  I hated how the hems of blouses and t-shirts would roll up my hips and butt because they didn’t stretch that far. I listen to these patients and I know their pain and embarrassment. I’ve also been the subject of snickers and rude comments from strangers and co-workers.

Changing is really really hard, even after you’ve had some practice at it.  It gets so frustrating, you want to give up and cry. But if you give up, if you don’t even try, you’ll never know what success you can achieve.  As sad as it is to fail, it’s sadder still to never try.

Weight Loss From the 438 lbs POV: Overwhelmed & Paralyzed

I vividly remember being here.  I’m miserable.  Everything hurts. I know I need to do something, but I don’t know what to do.  It’s an overwhelming and utterly hopeless feeling.  It’s that Deer in the Headlights paralysis: I know I need to move but I just can’t.

It’s easy to look back at this situation and think “just do something! anything!” But at the time, I was so busy being focused on the problem that I wasn’t looking at ways around the problem. This is where most of us start and after having been on this wild ride for a while, I think it’s the hardest part! It’s like looking at a pile of shattered glass and being told you need to reassemble the Baccarat vase it used to be! We’re looking at the mess we made of our own bodies and, while we know we need to fix it, we don’t know where or how to begin.

Newton’s First Law of Physics: A body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted on by an external force.  I lucked out: an external force acted upon me and literally pushed me down the road to weight loss.  I would love to say that I found my way out of the headlights and figured out how to get started on my own, but truthfully, I got a helpful push, even though it didn’t really feel ‘helpful’ at the time.  This push (quitting the Job From Hell) required that I make essentially one change to my eating habits: I stopped eating out as much (unemployed- so no money!)  I was still eating out, still eating processed junk food, but it was less.  That one change alone is how I lost the first 40 lbs.  After that, I was a body in motion and all I had to do was stay in motion.

It’s getting in motion that is the hard part! We are fighting not only the inertia and the bad habits that have become deeply ingrained in our daily routines but also the feeling of being absolutely overwhelmed.  I can give you a whole bunch of descriptive metaphors, but most of us have been in that spot and are already too familiar with how it feels.  We’re trying to forget that feeling!

My advice: do something! anything! even if it’s the WRONG thing, it gets you in motion, and once there, you are literally on a roll.  Once you are headed somewhere, it’s easier to change direction than it is to start up again from a stopped position.  Of course, bouncing from one strategy to another isn’t helpful either but once you find something that works for you, it’s still easier to stick with that one strategy than to start from scratch again.

However, before you deal with that possibility, you first have to get moving, and that’s way easier said than done!  It’s NOT impossible and I don’t want to scare the living daylights out of you by telling you how hard it is, but I think recognizing that it’s not easy either gives you a better perspective and a better starting position.  I was listening to a podcast the other day where the host and his guest were giggling over how sometimes people overlook the simple fixes in favor of the more complex ‘fashionable’ trend of the day: “you want to lose weight? Track your calories! Fewer calories than you burn and you lose weight!” While it’s hard to argue with his logic, there was a part of me that was really offended by his attitude.  Yes, I agree with tracking; it helps with a lot of things besides calorie counting.  I also agree that trying the simple fix first is a better position than going for ‘fashionably complex and trendy.’  What offended me was his attitude that being stuck means you’re being stupid about it.  Personally, I was also offended by his attitude that low carb dieting is one of those fashionably complex temporary fixes.

I tried for more years than I want to admit to lose weight counting calories and eating those healthy whole grains, and it got me nowhere.  I tried the ‘simple fix’ and it didn’t work, so now what?  Being stuck and being overwhelmed does not make you stupid or hopeless, though the world is pretty good at making sure you think you are (like these two gigglers!) It means that your problem- your weight and your body- are not like the run-of-the-mill dieters out there.

Looking back from the vantage point of being un-stuck, I can see where I made my biggest blunder, and it was focusing on the problem!  Realizing that is one of those Homer Simpson moments for me (D’oh!! **smack**) because problem-solving is actually one of my better skills, but not with weight loss apparently.  I was looking at my weight- the number on the scale- and I was so focused on “OMG, I am so huge I will never be a normal weight or healthy again!”  What I should have been focused on was “what is one change I can make to improve my nutrition?” Wrong focus: “I’ve tried Nutrisystem; I’ve tried counting calories and nothing works for me!” Better focus: “Those don’t work so what haven’t I tried?”

It’s the difference between staying in motion and staying at rest. It’s easy to stay at rest, not moving, fretting over my weight and how “nothing works!”  You get so worked up but you aren’t actually moving- it just feels like you are.  Actually doing something is much harder.  It requires effort; it requires hope.  You have to hope that this next thing will work and then you actually have to try it!   Yes, the effort to get moving is a lot greater because you have been standing still, but you are worth that effort! It takes work to get moving.  It takes work to look for new strategies, and there’s a lot of energy invested not only in looking and hoping but also the doing. As I said, I vividly remember being in that position, so much so that I remember what street I was driving down when I was trying to talk myself into just giving up and being fat and unhealthy the rest of my miserable life.

There are some things in life that we all know are a real pain in the butt and are a major hassle: things like changing jobs, moving, repainting and remodeling your home.  We have jokes about them, like how all our friends are out of town the week you have to move into the new apartment.  We expect that it’s a hassle so we kind of mentally and sometimes physically prepare ourselves for it.  We toughen up and go into it with a “get it done!” attitude and if we are tired and sore from lugging boxes and packing up stuff, we expect it and deal with it.  It’s the cost of moving to a new place!  We don’t think of losing weight like that, and I think that’s why we are overwhelmed and confused.

“Why is this so hard?”  That’s what I remember thinking over and over again. I felt so powerless to do anything about my weight. Trying to find something new, even the thought of just trying again felt so hard, and everything in my head kept telling me that ‘weight loss shouldn’t be hard!’  It was like the giggling podcast guest was in my head back then: “just count calories!” Yeah… doesn’t work, jerk! Sometimes it takes a bit more than just ‘the simple fix!’

Getting started is both hard and easy: getting yourself in motion is hard because you are fighting the inertia, the feelings of hopelessness and powerless, the realization that it’s going to be a long hard fight, but you only need to make one change.  That’s the easy part. Make one healthy improvement to your nutrition.  It doesn’t have to be something major or something complex or awe-inspiring: it just has to be something better than what you are doing now.  With me, it was simply eating out less.  Not even ‘no eating out’- just ‘less than what I was doing before.’  Elizabeth Benton (Primal Potential) made a similar change with fast food when she started.  That one change for me and for her started us moving and once in motion, we stayed in motion.

When we take the right approach to the task at hand, I think we are better prepared for the obstacles that come up along the way.  Thinking something is going to be easy and then finding out it’s much harder than we anticipated can knock us on our butts, and once down, we are tempted to stay there.  When we realize that the job is going to be  a tough one, we are better prepared and we expect that problems will arise: we start looking for ways to head them off.  Losing weight is not the no-brainer some of the supposed professionals tell us it is, but neither is it an impossibility.  It’s a hard job, but it’s one we can all do if we prepare for it and do the work.  We may get knocked down a few times (I know I’ve kissed the canvas quite a lot!) but once down, we need to get back up.  Remember: a moving target is harder to hit!

 

 

Oops! Thanks A Lot, WordPress!! Starting from Scratch- Recalculating……

This is NOT the post I had intended to put up, but apparently, WordPress lied to me when I posted my blog on its regular date (Tuesday 6/20/2017).  I would be less unhappy if the post had not just disappeared into the ether, so I could post it again, but it’s apparently VANISHED so, we start again from scratch!  Ironically, that was the subject of the post for tomorrow: starting your fitness/ weight loss/ health journey from scratch, so other than losing a couple of days of work on my other post, it’s not a total loss.

Most of us have started this journey over and over again.  We want to lose weight/ be healthier/ be more fit and so we embark on some plan, usually set up by someone else and get to work.  Depending on how ambitious our plan is, we either go some distance before we start having problems, or if we or the plan are too ambitious, we can stumble out of the gate.  Either way, once we encounter problems and/ or it gets really hard, we want to “start over.”

This is why we end up in a vicious cycle of starting-stumbling-starting.  #1: whatever plan we start on, it needs to be OUR plan.  WE need to be the author/ designer of whatever plan WE decide to follow.  Too many of the weight loss and fitness plans we buy online, off tv or get in a book are made for the “general population.” Never met General Population, but apparently, he’s really popular with these health coaches!  One of the trainers whose podcast I listen to regularly even commented that when he started his own fitness journey, he bought a popular exercise dvd and it was really painful.  The day after starting the program, he woke up really sore and in pain.  A little soreness is not a bad thing- it means you gave your body a workout, but pain is NOT a good thing- it means you hurt yourself! Granted, this trainer was not a trainer when he bought this workout dvd, but then you shouldn’t have to be a certified trainer in order to improve your own health and fitness.

Most of us tend to overestimate our physical abilities when we begin a health plan, or we go the other way and we underestimate what we are capable of doing.  This is a case where I think underestimating is the best of the two.  Overestimating, especially when you are doing a work out, can really hurt you as the trainer above found out.  In his case, it was just a strain, but you can really hurt yourself if you try something “you think you can do.”  If we underestimate our abilities, we can always add more or increase our range, and any workout we do, even if it doesn’t stretch our capabilities, it is still a work out and it keeps our muscles and joints in practice.  For example, if you don’t normally walk a lot or run on a regular basis, trying to run a mile once a week may not be a good idea.  You might be able to do it, but if you can’t, you don’t want to injure yourself trying.  Begin by walking a mile and see how you feel.  If it was easy, then next time try running for part of it.  It’s easier to build up to running a mile a week than trying to run, hurting yourself and then having to recover.  Besides hurting yourself, thinking you’ve “failed to run a mile” is discouraging.  On the other hand, each time you build up to a new level- walking- running- running regularly and increasing your length or duration- leads not only increased capabilities, but also feelings of success: “I’m getting stronger and doing” more rather than “I failed.”

The same holds when you start a new eating/ weight loss plan: build up to your full potential. A lot of us are really enthusiastic when we start a new weight loss plan and we go full steam ahead: “I’m going to give up sugar!” “I’m going to eat five servings of veggies a day!” and then, by the time we’ve read the label on our sixth product that has sugar or it’s time for veggie number 4, we start “feeling the burn!” What the heck did we sign up for??

When I started with Paleo, I gave it a long hard look, and at the time, I thought I was going super-conservative when I opted to give up one grain product at a time.  It turns out that I was way more into bread than even I knew!  Potatoes and pasta weren’t problems but bread (any kind of bread!) was and is still a temptation.  But I made one change at a time. Some of them, like the pasta and potatoes, were pretty easy but others like rice and oatmeal took a little longer.  Bread got easier but there are still days when I really have remind myself that it’s not good for me.

And it’s not just about giving up foods: it’s about eating more of the healthy stuff like the veggies.  So it’s two changes that you are making when it comes to eating healthier: eat less processed food and eat more whole foods.  It takes some time to make the changes especially if you are going to make the changes last.

This goes for any activities you are adding in as well.  We may think that these changes are not really “big changes”- it’s not like you’re moving or changing jobs!  You may think these are little things, but have you ever noticed that when you trip over something and fall, it’s the inch high bit of concrete that you trip on and not the two foot stack of bricks? That’s because you notice the two feet of bricks but your eye misses the inch bit of concrete! We screw up on the little changes because “we forgot,” “it’s not a big deal,” “I can do that later.” This is why they take time to become fully incorporated into your routine- the more we do them, the more they become normal and then we do them out of habit. We also tend to overload ourselves because they are just little changes, but again, most of us can carry a couple of bricks easily, but carrying four or five or more?? That gets heavy! So when we make these little changes, we need to make one or two at a time until we make them part of our habit.  Going small and steady results in long lasting permanent changes while going big and fast usually leads to starting over.

#2: you don’t need to “start over” each time. That’s the other fallacy that traps us in the vicious cycle. This is a lifestyle change, not an afghan we are crocheting! If we screw the beginning of an afghan, yeah, undoing it so we can start over is a good idea, otherwise, every one is going to notice those few inches that look really goofed up.  But this is a lifestyle change and no one is going to see that you spent the first three weeks missing your scheduled workouts and eating more carbs or whatever than you planned on!  So you missed your workout- just schedule another one! So you forgot to order the burrito bowl and ate a burrito instead! Some people will use these screw ups as an out- an excuse to push off their healthy change until next week or tomorrow, as in “today is a bust, so I’ll start fresh tomorrow/ Monday/ next week.”  Why????  One of the things I really like about Dr. Nowzaradan (TLC My 600 lb Life) is that he’ll call the patients on it when they try to push off being active.  He comes in and asks them if they’ve walked today and when they say they’ll do it tomorrow or they’ll do it on Sunday, he always asks them “what’s going to change between now and then?” Most of the time, they don’t have an answer for him. We need to be our version of Dr. Now when we want to push off our planned changes: you ate the burrito at lunch- big deal! So make dinner a better choice! Even if today does end up being a bust and we’ve eaten more bad food than good or we missed our workout, salvage the rest of the day/ week! Even with the poor food and work out choices, keep moving forward to make the best you can out of the day or week!

It really is like you are on a journey, and when you take a wrong turn, you don’t drive all the way back home to start over! You pull over, pull out your phone and get new directions from where you are!  We’re all familiar with the Garmin joke: “recalculating…. recalculating…..” but it usually gets us where we need to go.  When we take a wrong turn on our fitness/ weight loss journey, we may need to do some recalculating.  It may be that our work out schedule needs some adjusting or that our eating plan isn’t the best for us and it needs to be recalculated, but we don’t have to start from scratch every time.  We just need to keep what works and dump the rest.  It’s a little harder figuring it out on your own. It takes more time to show progress but the truth is finding your own way usually means the progress is permanent and you eventually become your own expert on you.  This last time you start over will be the last time you start over!

 

Book Review: Wired To Eat by Robb Wolf

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I was listening to Robb’s new book (thank you, Audible!)  Generally, I don’t like to ‘read’ books this way, but his book sounded a lot like an extended version of his podcast.  Even though it was not read by him, Robb’s personality definitely came through and I believe one of his best attributes is that he explains some really technical info in terms that everyone can understand.  Not only did I finish his audio book in record time, but while listening to it, my attention did not wander! (Minor miracle!)

I’m not going to go into chapter and verse here, but I will give you a quick overview. In 2011, Robb published his first book The Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet and it was a resounding success.  Paleo was already being discussed by the weight loss/ fitness community and most people fell into one of two camps: either they thought it was another goofy fad diet or they were firm believers.  Most people today still fall into those two camps, but the Firm Believer camp is growing fairly steadily, mainly because more and more health professionals (including doctors and nutritionists) are finding that even if they don’t buy the complete ‘Paleo premise,’ the fact that the lifestyle emphasizes whole unprocessed foods, healthy movement and quality sleep is enough to merit a hearty endorsement.

In Wired to Eat: Turn Off Cravings, Rewire Your Appetite to Lose Weight and Discover the Foods That Work for You (really really long title, dude!), Robb is taking the Paleo diet and individualizing it for you.  He’s developing the idea of Personalized Nutrition by first laying a strong foundation of healthy eating, movement, sleep and community and then taking it one step further by helping you find what foods are better for you and which foods you should be avoiding.

One of the things I like best about Robb (and I think it’s a big factor in his success helping people eat healthier and be more active) is that he has no illusions about the weight loss/ fitness community and industry.  He tells you a few times in the first few chapters that this is basically a ‘diet book’ and the fact that we are reading it at all instead of “killing it with fire!” is a small miracle on its own.  Robb understands that most of his readers are going to be looking for a quick fix and that many won’t make lasting changes unless the program isn’t complicated and they see some positive results fairly quickly.

Robb begins with his 30 day Reset, which is essentially a Paleo diet plan.  He admits he chose Paleo because it’s a whole food diet, emphasizing what he calls the four pillars of good health: nutrition, sleep, movement and community.  By focusing on eating whole unprocessed foods, we give our bodies the best materials we can to repair and refuel itself.  By getting enough quality sleep (and those two adjectives are important!), we give our minds and bodies the time it needs to repair and refresh themselves.  By getting enough healthy movement, we keep our body in good working order, which is also good for the mind, and by maintaining positive healthy relationships, we also keep our bodies, minds and spirits healthy and vibrant.

Robb gives us a little background on our basic human wiring.  Humans evolved to move.  As a species we walked on an average more than five miles a day, pretty much consuming everything edible that crossed our path and we rose and slept with the sun in an extended family unit or tribe.  This paradigm served us pretty well until the last hundred years or so.  Even after the agricultural revolution, we were still doing okay until the invention of cheap electric light, industrial foods and antibiotics.  We began eating highly processed but nutritionally barren foods, using broad spectrum antibiotics which wiped out our healthy intestinal bacteria (which allowed us to eat the nutrient rich foods) and started sleeping less and less and becoming more and more cut off from society. As a result, over the last century, we’ve become steadily more unhealthy, increasingly obese and much less active, and- a much more frightening statistic- the rates of digestive and autoimmune diseases have skyrocketed.  Under the current functional medicine point of view, most of our rampant health issues stem from the lack of good nutrition, lack of activity, lack of sleep, and growing social isolation.

Most of Robb’s book focuses on getting us through the 30 Day Reset, in which we stop eating the Standard American Diet of processed foods and high glycemic load carbs.  We start moving more, getting more sleep and building or maintaining our social connections.  He essentially talks the reader through why these things are important to our success not only as a species but as an individual.  He also has some quick easy meal planning tips for those who are intimidated by the idea of cooking most of their own food as well as some tips for what happens when the reader goes out to eat.  A lot of them are pretty common sense to me, but I grew up in front of a stove, cooking for my family. When I got older, I elected not to cook (with amazingly disastrous results, BTW!) When I mention cooking to others, I am frankly shocked by how little most people know about cooking and how resistant they are to the idea.  Many of them think making dinner involves hours of meal prep and slaving away over the hot stove.  They also think meal planning takes hours of complex menu convolutions.  Robb gives a few ingredients and menu variations with those few basic ingredients that only take about 30 minutes to prepare.  Most of them sounded really good too!

He also goes through some healthy advice on movement, community and sleep. He outlines ideas on getting more quality sleep and its benefits.  Some of these sounded a little ‘out-there’ to me, but I’m pretty atypical in this arena.  What works best for me and some of my friends is a sleep/ relaxation app, a warm cozy blanket and my pets.  Robb emphasizes the benefits of sleep and how it not only restores our brains and bodies, but it also helps us recover from the stress of the day.  We are not a society that values relaxation and stress management any more than we value sleep and this shows in our lack of good health.  Even though we live in a high tech, food-rich society, we are generally more unhealthy than our grandparents because, although food is plentiful, it has fewer nutrients than the food our grandparents ate, and thanks to our modern lifestyle, we isolate ourselves in front of our devices for hours on end, without moving or sleeping.  None of this behavior is healthy.

As far as movement goes, his advice is pretty basic: choose an activity you enjoy and do it as much as possible.  If you don’t enjoy it, you won’t do it.  As a coach and a gym owner, he gives some background on endurance and your mitochondria, but the bottom line is even if you choose the healthiest activity there is, if you don’t do it, it doesn’t matter.  I really like water aerobics and while it may not be the healthiest activity, it’s one that I do as often as I can because I like it and I like hanging with my friends in the class. That makes it a successful workout regimen for me.

Community is also something that is overlooked by our high tech high stress society.  In the past, we lived and worked in communities with strong social ties. Being isolated increases stress and depression, among other things, while shortening our lives.  Social isolation ranks with cigarette smoking when it comes to shortened life span. Humans are social creatures so maintaining and developing social ties are important to our stress relief, mental and physical health. Again, I am atypical in this regard, in that I am happily single and living with others actually increases my stress.  Let me clarify that: living with other humans increases my stress and irritation.  I have a strong social human network  with whom I interact nearly every day, but at the end of the day, I go home to my furry family.  Although I am the only human in my household, I certainly do not think of myself as ‘living alone.’

After laying a pretty solid foundation for healthy living in his 30 day Reset, Robb goes the extra step and tells us how to customize our eating plans through the 7 day Carb Test. By the time you’ve gone through the 30 day Reset, you’ll have noticed that most of the carbs in the menus are low carb, unprocessed and/ or fiber rich.  It is Paleo after all, so there’s not a lot of things like pasta, breads, rice, white potatoes, wheat, corn or other grains on there.  The 7 day Carb Test is where he explains how we can get some of those back in our diet.  The 30 day Reset is to help you establish a healthy baseline and healthy habits.  It gets you off the crazy carb roller coaster and other unhealthy habits and once you’ve done that (and probably lost a few pounds, are feeling more rested and focused), he shows you how to figure out what foods work better for you than others.  He suggests getting a glucose monitor to test your blood sugar.  What most people don’t realize about blood sugar is that cravings, hunger, headaches, low energy and weight gain, not to mention diabetes and other diseases are related to your blood sugar, which is pretty much dictated by what you eat.  If you want to ride the blood sugar roller coaster, start with bagels and juice for breakfast, a sandwich and chips for lunch, a grande mocha in the afternoon, pasta marinara for dinner and a scoop of ice cream for dessert.  Even if you add in some extra protein, that menu will have most of us going up and down with mood, energy and hunger all day, with the accompanying weight gain.  But not all carbs are bad for everyone, and that’s what Robb’s 7 day Carb Test helps you figure out.  He outlines a program to let you test yourself on some of the carbs you like and want to add back and then you can determine if you are too sensitive to them. Even if you aren’t really sensitive to them, some foods may just make you feel worse or better than others.

While the 7 day Carb Test isn’t complicated, there are a few caveats: if you have never tested your blood sugar, it means sticking your finger to draw a bit of blood.  Most glucose monitors will run you about $10-20 and you need to check to see if they include batteries and the lancing device and the actual lancets.  Some of them don’t and the lancing device and lancets will run about another $10 or so.  The device is reloadable: it’s the lancets that you need to change out each time and a box of those is fairly cheap.  Most lancing devices have a little dial at the tip: this controls how deeply the lancet sticks you to make you bleed.  Start with the most shallow number and do NOT lancet the tip/ pad of your finger! Too many nerve endings and it will hurt like an SOB! Stick the side of your finger tip and stick a different finger each time.  What is NOT cheap are the test strips.  Most reliable test strips will cost about a dollar a strip and they are usually sold in boxes of 50 or 100 (you may be able to get a box of 25 depending on the brand).  Should you opt to do the 7 day Carb Test, you MUST make sure that the test strips you get are compatible with your monitor.  Even if you get an off-brand that says it’s compatible with XYZ brand monitors, there is usually some discrepancy, like plus/ minus 10 points. Depending on how much you want to invest in your carb tolerance and your diet, the 7 day Carb Test may be worth it for you.  If you have pre-diabetes, D2, or another weight loss condition, your doctor might be able to give you a prescription for the monitor and the strips, etc but you will need to discuss it with him/ her and see if your insurance will cover it.  Personally, I’ve stuck my fingers too many times to be interested in doing it again.  I know what carbs I like and what works better for me, or at least is worth the ride on the roller coaster.

If you are interested in Robb’s book or anything else about Robb, his website is Robbwolf.com.  (The book is available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble if you want to skip his site.)  At his website, you can find info on his other book (The Paleo Solution), his podcast and a host of other resources.  Robb’s a real pro and I’m not kidding when I say he is a fitness and nutrition guru. [Obligatory disclaimer: I have absolutely no affiliation with him.  I just think he’s a great resource for anyone interested in eating better and getting healthier.] I hope you enjoy his book as much as I do and feel free to let me know what you think!

 

 

 

Changing Directions: When Just Losing Weight isn’t Enough Anymore

If you ask almost anyone who is overweight what they want most in life, I can pretty much guarantee you that “being thin” would make their top ten wishes, if not their top five.  Having been overweight since I was about 12, I used to have dreams about being thin. I don’t have to tell you how unpleasant it is being ridiculed and criticized by strangers, doctors, family, fellow students (& a couple of teachers) for being overweight.  It’s a character flaw: I’m either lazy or a glutton.  You have no idea how much fun it is in Catholic School when the teacher is covering the 7 Deadly Sins, which include Gluttony and Sloth (Laziness).  It’s the equivalent of being told you are on the fast track to Hell, and the rest of the class (& this teacher in particular) makes sure you know it!

Needless to say, I’ve tried most of my life to lose weight and eventually, I pretty much gave up somewhere in my mid-thirties. It felt like I had tried literally everything and nothing was working, so I was just destined to be the fat one in the family.  I tried to console myself with stories about dieters actually eating less than most people but still gaining weight and that our metabolism is what determines our weight, not how much we eat. Those kinds of stories made me feel better for about 10 seconds before reality hit me in the face again: whether it was ‘my fault’ or not, it was still pretty miserable being fat.  I learned to live with it, but if you gave me three wishes, my first would be to be thin; my second would be good health for my family; and my third would be a toss-up between being super-rich or marrying the man of my dreams (hey, as long as I’m wishing…..!)

There’s a really old expression: “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”  I really doubt most people know where it comes from or what it really means anymore, so I’m going to update it for the 21st century: “when someone gives you a free car, don’t look under the hood or check the mileage.”  This expression came to mind the other day as I was at the gym and I was thinking about what my goals are.  Two years ago, it was real simple: “I want to be thin.” Now, it’s more like: “I want to be fit.” Being thin is good, but being fit and strong is better.  Two years ago, losing nearly two hundred pounds was the same as winning the lottery:  “My number one wish came true! Whoo hoo!!” But now it’s feels like I want more than just being thin; I want to be strong and fit and athletic. It’s like I got that free car and now I’m lifting up the hood to check out the motor and the mileage.  It’s good, but it’s not good enough anymore.

While there’s the niggling feeling of looking a gift horse in the mouth, the fact is that this is a completely normal development.  Most of us change our goals the closer we get to accomplishing them. The horizon keeps advancing the closer we get to it, because if we didn’t keep pushing our goals, we would stagnate and stop growing as individuals and as a society.  The more we learn and grow, the more we want and the farther we want to go.  We see this most clearly in children: they start crawling around, then walking around and before you know it, they are running out the door.  They climb higher in trees, on the jungle gym, on anything they can find.  They keep pushing their limits and when we grow into adults, while we may change how we push our limits, most of us keep pushing.

Am I happy I have lost weight? No brainer, that one!  Do I feel guilty for wanting to be more than ‘just thinner’? No, I don’t.  Occasionally, I hear experts and coaches talking about keeping a strong connection to your Why, as in “why do you want to lose weight?”  For a lot of people, it’s things like wanting to see their kids/ grandkids grow up; wanting to look good for a wedding/ special event; or wanting to live longer and stave off disease.  For me, it’s wacky things like wanting to be able to tie my shoes without holding my breath or sucking in my gut; wanting to walk fast/ far/ long distances. It’s things like wanting to be active or do things without first stopping to think: do I fit in that seat/ chair/ space?  Can I do that without getting stuck and/ or hurting myself?  So, for me, wanting to be fit and strong and- dare I even hope?- athletic is the natural next step for my Why.  To paraphrase Muhammed Ali, it’s not the mountains ahead that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe. That pebble for me has always been things like tying my shoes, putting on socks, walking for any distance or length of time, sitting in chairs with arms: anything that causes embarrassment, discomfort or even pain- things that keep me from doing what I want to do! Pretty much no one I know thinks about how long they are going to have to stand and walk when they need to pick up a few things from the store, but for a long time, it was the first thing that came to my mind when I needed to go to Target or the mall: how far out am I going to have to park? is what I need close to the entrance? are the lines going to be really long? can I carry that thing out to and in from my car? I was starting to think like a disabled old woman and I wasn’t even 50!

One of the most exciting things for me happened just about a year ago: I went to the Queen Mary last Memorial Day weekend with my sister and a friend of ours. While there are elevators, most of the ship has stairs and it’s a bit narrow in spaces (it was built in 1936ish) and while we were there, we covered the ship on our own from stem to stern and top to bottom and took two tours, all of which included visiting the engine room three times! (Google the map of the ship and you’ll see what I mean!) All told, we covered about 12 miles of walking that weekend, and that included spending about 8 hours round trip in the car.  About three years earlier, I had gone to Disneyland with a couple of friends, and while it entailed a lot of walking, it was nothing like the Queen Mary, which was pretty much nothing but walking and standing (no rides, no carts, no ‘transportation’ options). I nearly died at Disneyland that trip: it hurt to cross the parking lot, to cross the park, to do any shopping.  I didn’t want to ruin the trip for my friends, so there was a lot of my sitting around and ‘guarding our shopping bags’ while they went off to enjoy a ride, a show or more shopping.  The Queen Mary trip was such a contrast since the friend we went with had recently hurt her knee and brought her crutches along.  Instead of my sitting around and watching our shopping bags, it was our friend.  I got to run down to get her something to drink or carry her crutches as she hopped down a staircase.  She had an actual injury getting in her way, but in my case, I was just too unhealthy to do normal things.

Losing a lot of the weight alone made a significant improvement on my health.  My back and my knees felt so much better, which made it a lot easier to move around.  My overall health was much improved even without working out or being more active.  But, as so often happens, one thing leads to another: since it was a lot easier to move around, it made me want to do more.  Since I could walk without pain, why not walk more?  Since I could be more active without getting short of breath or feeling like I was going to die, why not do more activities?  Like a kid, I found the more I could do, the more I wanted to push my boundaries.  I guess this is why people do crazy things like run marathons: they’re asking themselves “how much farther can I go?”

I have no intention of running a marathon, though at some point, I might try walking one.  I’d really like to try a ‘mudder’ (kind of like an obstacle course with a lot of mud, obviously), but probably not anytime soon.  Right now, I’m just enjoying my continued weight loss and pushing my boundaries.  I think it’s a positive sign of continuing to grow and discover new capabilities on my part.  People often call this a “weight loss journey” and it really is: I am going somewhere I have not been since I was a kid.  It also reminds me of the slogan “Life is a journey- enjoy the ride!” Not only am I enjoying it, I’m enjoying all the little stops along the way!