“Sometimes You’re Wrong”: Rule 51 & Weight Loss

Some of you may recall that I am a huge fan of NCIS. Anyone who’s a regular viewer is no doubt aware of Agent Gibbs’ rules. He’s got a lot of them! These are things like “Never leave suspects together” (Rule #1); “Never be unreachable” (Rule #3); and “Never go anywhere without a knife” (Rule #9).

My family and friends know that one of the reasons this show appeals to me (aside from the whole Navy thing) is that I’m pretty much a “rule” person too. I like structure, boundaries, rules, whatever you want to term it: it just works for me! For me, rules are little reminders and guidelines that let me know how close or how far I am from my target. Unfortunately, if we aren’t careful, we forget about Rule #14: “Bend the line- don’t break it.” We follow our rules and somehow we expect that everyone else should follow our rules too!

I see this a lot in posts from my MFP friends (My Fitness Pal) and in My 600 lb Life, and it usually goes something like “my husband/ wife/ family keep bringing home junk food!” The idea is usually that their food is tempting you and so you eat it, or they are doing something ‘wrong’ by not eating like you are. Either way, it’s not their problem- it’s yours! It would be nice if your husband and kids didn’t come home with potato chips or Girl Scout cookies so you aren’t tempted, but you don’t live in a bubble which means when you go out in the Real World, there’s all kinds of french fries, candy bars and super-sweet frapuccinos just waiting for you. So…. do you expect the rest of the world to stop making these things available just so you won’t eat them? We all know that’s an idiotic expectation, but we make the same expectations of our family and friends. We expect them to order a salad when you meet for lunch just so you won’t be tempted by their chips. Maybe we can expect them not to offer you one of their cookies but for them not to eat cookies in front of you? Maybe…if you’re a guest at their house, but if they’re your wife or kids? Are they supposed to hide whenever they eat the things they like just so you won’t see or smell their ice cream? This is where they live! And if they don’t want to eat the things you eat, it’s not a crime.

Sometimes this comes out of disagreements over what to eat at home. You want to have healthy foods like veggies and lean meats, something low fat, low sugar or full of fiber while the rest of your family wants pizza and wings. For some people, making or ordering two separate dinners is completely crazy. For others with family members with food allergies, it’s totally normal. For them, it’s a way of life but if you’ve never done it before, it’s one way of keeping everyone happy.

Of course, making this adjustment starts with admitting to Rule #51: sometimes you’re wrong, and when you dictate to your spouse and friends and other adults in your life that they either need to change how they eat or not bring ‘their bad food’ into your home, then yes, you are most definitely wrong!

We’re all familiar with the ‘reformed addict’ way of thinking, as in Jane stopped smoking so now she’s haranguing everyone else who still smokes/ vapes. Or Mike stopped drinking and now he’s preaching to everyone else who still orders a beer with dinner. For us, we’ve stopped eating bread/ sugar/ processed foods, so now we’re spouting the benefits of whole unprocessed sugar-free foods to anyone who orders a combo meal at Burger King. Do you really think any of Jane’s friends will stop smoking because she’s harassing them? Or that Mike’s friends will stop drinking because of his nagging? No? So why are you doing the same thing to your spouse, family and friends?

Your decision to eat healthier is a great thing and I’m sure all your loved ones were really supportive of your changes, especially since you started feeling and looking better. Then, you turned into Jane/ John the Nag and all those positive feelings they had for you went away. It’s not that they stopped caring about you or that they don’t want you to eat healthier- they just don’t want to get harassed for eating Cheetos! Frankly, I’m with them.

I’m super-sensitive to this whole “healthy eating harassment,” mainly because I have listened to my mom do it to me for most of my life. She meant well, just as Jane and Mike are trying to help their friends, but it meant that everything I ate was under scrutiny when I was with her. I was also subjected to all of her “helpful advice” while we were out together. These were ideas like chewing more so it takes longer to eat. Not a bad idea except her “implementation” was chanting “chew! chew! chew!” whenever I took a bite at restaurants. Helpful? Not one bit! It also included other not-helpful ideas like scraping all the breading off the fish I ordered or ripping out the inside of the dinner rolls and not eating the butter. She made judgments about everything I ate or didn’t eat and the hard part was that she didn’t do it to be mean– she was trying to help! Unfortunately, she had the opposite effect: it just made me eat when she couldn’t see me.

I know it’s hard when there’s food in the house that isn’t good for us or that we are trying to avoid. I had the same problem whenever I buy things for my dad that he can’t get where he lives.  These are usually things that we both love, like pretzel bagels or buns, licorice, cookies and other carb-rich tasty goodies. They sit in a drawer in my kitchen waiting for my dad’s next trip to town and in the meantime, they are calling my name. The temptation actually starts when I buy them, since I can buy a package for me too! I usually don’t shop in those parts of the store since there’s nothing there for me, but once I’m there- wow! they have mini-croissants! and garlic naan! Yummy! So the first hurdle is getting out of the store with only the things my dad wants but at home, I start hearing their deadly siren song.  Then the bargaining starts: I can eat these and then buy more for dad since he won’t be here for five more days… Ummm and in what universe is that a good idea?? It’s always harder when they’re right there in the kitchen and in my case, I can pretty much buy them and eat them with impunity since I live by myself. I don’t have to hide the wrappers or eat them when no one else is home. There’s no one to judge me but me.

This brings me to Rule #5: You don’t waste good.  This is what keeps me from gobbling all the licorice and cookies I want. I’ve put in a lot of work learning to eat better and be more active and I’ve lost a lot of weight specifically by not eating these kinds of foods. They just don’t work out for me and I know this.  I learned it the hard way, so why would I want to waste all the time and effort I’ve already put in?  In some ways I’ve got the best and worst of the situation: I don’t have to worry about others bringing in Forbidden Food, but on the other hand, I can buy it myself without anyone watching.  For most of us, the whole point of not having that stuff in our house is that we have a ‘Temptation-Free Zone.’ That can be really great, but the truth of the matter is that we live and work in the Real World which is full of temptations. Even if I don’t have anything for my dad at home, we still have lots of Forbidden Food at our office or at the local Starbucks or just the grocery store three blocks from my house.  Even Office Depot has a million sugary starchy snacks! In huge quantities, too! We have to learn to say no to temptation whether it’s at home or it’s in the Real World. Our nagging our friends and family to ‘be good’ and not bring home Cheetos and Wheat Thins isn’t going to make them stop doing it any more than my mom’s nagging made me stop eating mac & cheese.  I had to realize for myself that eating it wasn’t doing me any favors. When we try to make others do what is best for us and not them, we are wrong. We have to decide for ourselves what we are going to eat and what we aren’t. It doesn’t matter if the cookies are in the kitchen or at the store.  Sooner or later, we have to go out into the Real World. We have to make our own rules, and then decide to live by them. Or not.


If There’s a Will… : Weight Loss & Willingness

We’ve all heard about a million quotes about being ready and willing to change and success coming from willingness, blah, blah, blah- so inspire me already! Yes, they’re ‘inspirational’ quotes but they don’t really inspire us because we confuse “willingness” with “want.”  We assume that because we want to change, eat better and lose weight that we are willing to do what it takes to achieve our goals. Too often, once we get a good look at what we actually have to do to lose weight, most of us have second thoughts: it’s a whole lot more work than we thought it would be!

While I was looking for quotes about willingness, I found one that seemed to really speak to this disconnect between willingness and want: “We seldom do anything to the best of our ability. We do it to the best of our willingness” (Picturequotes.com).  I think this gets us a little closer to the mark.  We may want to lose weight but when it comes right down to not eating chips or not drinking juice or cutting our servings in half, we find ourselves standing on the edge of that disconnect.  We know what we want– weight loss; we know what we have to do to get there– smaller portions, better food choices; but……. And in that ‘but’ is our lack of willingness to do what it takes.

This disconnect has real repercussions in our lives. Everyone reading this post has different reasons for wanting to lose weight. For some of you, it may be wanting to look better but for some of you it may be something as dire as controlling a medical condition such as hypertension or diabetes.  You would think that the threat of a stroke, heart attack, diabetic coma, blindness or amputation would be enough impetus to make anyone say “hell no!” to cookies, popcorn or french fries but…… there’s that word again!

We want to be healthy and we sure don’t want a heart attack, but we also want the french fries and cookies.  It would be easy to blame some kind of ‘survival’ hard-wiring in our brains: we’re ‘programmed’ to eat when food is abundant! Yeah, that’s why I can’t stop eating Hershey’s kisses! While we know what we want (and don’t want), we reject the entire idea that we are unwilling to change.  That’s what it comes down to at the end of the day: we want to lose weight but we aren’t willing to make the necessary changes to get there. No one thinks “I’m just not willing to give up my potato chips and venti mochas to lose these fifty pounds.”  That would imply that there’s something wrong with you.  You must be nuts if you’re willing to risk losing a foot or having a heart attack just so you can have a mocha and a bag of Cheetos every day with lunch! If we thought like that, maybe we would be more willing to give those up, but obviously we don’t think that way about ourselves.  We think that way about others and usually we scoff at their foolishness, but when it comes to our own failure to lose weight, it’s that survival hard-wiring again that keeps our hand going back to the Fritos bag.

Except we know that it’s not the reason we keep stuffing ourselves with corn chips: we just aren’t willing to stop eating them! We have to be willing to make the changes and actually do the work to lose weight.  Again, our ability to make changes isn’t the issue: it’s our willingness to make the changes. We are all capable of saying “no thank you” when someone offers you a cupcake; we are all capable of not eating the mashed potatoes and gravy; and we are all capable of not buying the Fritos and Cheezits at the grocery store.  We just don’t want to do it.

It’s a hard thing to face about yourself: you know you need to lose weight; your health is being affected and you’re feeling pretty awful physically, but (again!!) it’s hard to give up the chocolate and the waffles and the snack cakes. Yes, it’s hard and it’s hard because your “want to lose weight” is colliding head on with your “not willing to give them up!” Imagine if your doctor told you that in order to lose weight, you had to stop hitting your head with a hammer every day.  Would you be willing to stop? Frankly, I don’t know anyone who would say “it’s so hard to stop hitting myself with this heavy Craftsman hammer each morning!” You are obviously being hurt by this action and there is no question you are willing to stop doing it.  Unfortunately, eating an entire bag of Chips Ahoy cookies in one evening is also hurting you but it’s hard to stop doing it because you aren’t willing to stop doing it!

This doesn’t mean you’re crazy or that you have some kind of secret death wish.  It simply means you’re human, and like the rest of us, you are trying to change habits and balance the “wants of right now” (Cheetos, cookies, pancakes, etc) with the “future wants” (being healthier, looking great on the beach, no more muffin top). We’re used to getting what we want right now or at least getting our rewards right now! We know the cookies and the pizza and the garlic bread will taste good now but as for feeling better a few days (or weeks) down the road? We tend not to connect the “wow! I feel really awesome!” with the weeks of no sugar, no late night binges and no junk food until usually farther down the road, as in when we can pick up that dime off the floor without worrying our butt’s coming through the back of our pants! If we skip the pizza and beer Saturday night and then wake up on Sunday feeling like a million bucks and weighing a couple pounds less, then we might connect the two a lot sooner, but that’s not how weight loss works.  Usually we do feel better the morning after saying no to a junk food binge but unless we track these things, we don’t make the connection.  Advocates of daily weigh-ins like to use the opposite effect to bring the point home: after a night of junk food, we usually weigh a couple pounds more than the day before (especially if it was a carb-fest!)

The Weight Loss Gurus will tell you “it’s about what you want more: instant gratification from food or long term health.”  For me, it’s about goals. What do I want and what am I prepared to do to get there?  As I was looking through my ‘inspirational quotes,’ there were a couple that kept popping to mind. The first was the Yoda quote: “Do or do not.  There is no try.” I like the black and white of that quote: I can lose weight or I can not lose weight, and if I don’t, it doesn’t matter if I’m ‘trying’ or not because it’s not happening! And if it’s not happening, I need to find out why (which is usually too many sweet potato chips and Girl Scout cookies!) That quote, while kind of harsh, keeps my head focused on what I really want (feeling fitter, not being so tired and being healthier) and reminds me that Girl Scout cookies aren’t going to get me there.

The other quote that kept popping into my head was Sean Connery as Jimmy Malone in The Untouchables: he’s lying all bloody on living room floor and he grabs hold of Eliot Ness’ coat. “What are you prepared to do?!” Maybe it’s just because it’s more of the black and white mindset, or maybe it’s because Malone makes it so clear in that movie (and that scene) that our actions– or lack thereof– have consequences and that taking action can be a hard thing.  Most of us reading this blog will never be 400+ lbs.  Just like we don’t wake up instantly lighter for skipping pizza, one pizza binge isn’t going to cause us to gain a couple hundred pounds overnight.  But not taking care of our health and our weight over time will eventually lead to an insidious and steady weight gain and eventual health problems.  It’s what happened to me over the last twenty years of my life.  I was overweight, then obese and then morbidly obese until I stepped on the scale and 438 popped up.  My lack of action had consequences that I was unprepared and unwilling to deal with until it affected the entirety of my life.  I had trouble sitting, standing, walking; my joints hurt; I had sleep apnea, asthma, hypertension and let’s not forget type 2 diabetes! Think that one’s not serious? Talk to my dad’s uncle who lost his leg and my friend DeeDee who lost her foot!

We all want to change and be healthier.  That’s a complete no-brainer, but making those changes is hard work and we have to be willing to do the work to get what we want! We all know that weight loss isn’t easy but we make it harder when we come to the task unwilling and resentful of the work to achieve our goals. It’s pretty much another no-brainer: when we hate doing something, we rarely do it and when we do, we don’t do it well. As a result we rarely get the outcome that we want, and that is sadly true of weight loss.  Until we are willing to make the changes we have to make, we aren’t going to get the results we really want.  Or as Jimmy Malone put it: “what are you prepared to do?”


If Only Wishing Made It So: You Can’t Lie Yourself to Weight Loss

When I was a kid there was a really popular margarine commercial with the tag line “it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!” usually accompanied by some melodramatic thunder and lightning.  While we try all the time to fool our bodies with fake fat, manufactured oils and other weird processed ingredients, this post is about how we lie to ourselves about our progress.  We all do it at some time or another, whether it’s as simple as “I don’t eat cookies every day,” or “it’s one candy bar and I’ll work out later tonight.” When we try fooling ourselves into believing “we’re working on our weight loss,” the person we’re hurting the most is ourselves, not to mention everyone else who loves and depends on you.

Weighing ourselves on a regular basis is one way of tracking our progress but it’s not the most comprehensive way.  It’s hard to evaluate a process when you only look at the end result. Some of tools I like to recommend to people who are just starting out (or even those who are starting again) are a food scale and a diet tracker.  This is usually where 90% of us groan about having to weigh/ measure our food and then logging it into a food tracker.  Yes, it’s a pain but it keeps us honest.  This is what I mean about lying to ourselves about our progress. It’s one thing to grab a handful of macadamia nuts and say “this is one serving,” and it’s another to put it on the food scale, note that it’s really one and three-quarters serving, enter it into your diet app and realize you just ate 350 calories.  If you didn’t weigh and log that, it’s so easy to fool yourself into thinking you had “about 180-200 calories of healthy nuts!” Yes, macadamias are good for you, but too many calories at the end of the day are still too many calories.  “Why am I not losing weight when I’ve been working so hard on my diet?” Because you aren’t working on your diet- you only think you are. That’s where most of us make what I think of as ‘honest mistakes.’ You have good intentions but you don’t have the right tools to help you along. [FYI: I usually recommend an Ozeri digital food scale. It’s an America’s Test Kitchen best buy at roughly $12.00 from Amazon. I also use the My Fitness Pal app/ website (free) and I like to keep a paper journal (DietMinder about $15.00 on Amazon).]

As I said, those are ‘honest mistakes.’ Then there’s the outright lies to yourself, where you help yourself to biscuits with butter, caramel corn and chocolate fudge cookies and pretend you didn’t eat them. Or you bail on your work out because you’re ‘too busy’ and when your friends and family ask you how you’re doing on your weight loss, you lie about how “I’ve been working at it.” And if they ask how much weight you’ve lost recently, you lie again and say “I’ve been too busy to weigh myself lately.” If you had a nose like Pinocchio, it’d be stabbing them in the face. Your loved ones will probably believe you until it’s patently obvious that you’ve not been working at your weight loss. You can even lie to yourself by convincing yourself that the cookies, biscuits, and other junk food isn’t going to ‘derail’ your weight loss, but you can’t lie to your body.  Your body knows what you’ve been eating, not eating and how much activity you’ve been getting.  Your body won’t believe the lies you’ve been telling yourself and everyone just because you want it to. Your body is a lot like that scale and that diet tracker: you enter the data and it tallies up the calories, nutrients and lack of nutrients. The bad news is that it displays that data on your thighs, your belly, your butt and everywhere else for all the world to see.

We all wish we can be thinner, fitter and healthier, but wishing doesn’t make it so.  It takes hard work and it takes a commitment to change. As I said in a recent post, we can’t farm this out to someone else to handle for us like putting in new carpet or getting the house painted. We’ve got to do the heavy lifting on our own: things like deciding what to eat, how much to eat, when to work out and keeping ourselves motivated. None of this is easy and it’s okay to wish all this were easier, but at the end of the day, you have to commit to weight loss every day.  Elizabeth Benton (Primal Potential) likes to remind her listeners “every choice is a chance” and I believe that. You don’t have to scourge yourself because you had caramel corn at your friend’s Superbowl party and if you’re at a restaurant with amazing garlic bread, you don’t have to sit on your hands to keep from eating it.  I am saying that when you eat it, log it and don’t lie to yourself about it. Why log it? Aside from keeping tally on what you’ve eaten for the day, when you flip through the last couple weeks of your food journal (this is why I like a paper one too), it’s there on the pages that in addition to that caramel corn and garlic bread, you’ve also had those fudge cookies, the peanut butter cups and the sea salt chocolate caramels.  Hmmm, maybe that’s why you didn’t lose weight this week?  Maybe it’s a sign you need to redirect your focus back to eating more healthy unprocessed foods and less nutrient-vacant sugar-filled processed stuff? It’s harder to lie to yourself when you’re looking at an objective list of what you’ve eaten and how much activity you’ve gotten. Believe me, some people can look at the trashcan full of candy wrappers and tell themselves they’ve ‘been good,’ but their bodies know the truth: they’ve been eating junk, and the junk will eventually accumulate in their trunk!

Lest you interpret this as a “holier than thou” attitude, I confess a big part of this post is unfortunately inspired by my own Pinocchio-nose.  There’s been a lot of Paleo cookie wrappers, organic (and not so organic) popcorn and sweet potato chip bags in my trashcan lately, along with some ‘fair trade’ chocolate bar wrappers. It may be a higher quality of junk food than what I ate before, but bottom line, it’s still junk food: too much sugar, too many carbs and not a whole lot of what’s good for me.  Ultimately, just too many calories! I’ve been the one telling my family that I’ve been too busy to weigh because really I don’t want to see that I’ve not lost weight or actually gained some pounds. Do I really want to lose weight? Oh hell yes! But it only happens when we work at it every day and keep our focus and motivation trained on the good healthy habits we’ve spent a lot of time and effort cultivating.  I’m definitely not making progress by eating junk food and pretending I didn’t! We all wish weight loss were quick and easy. It isn’t and all the wishing– or lying- in the world will not make it so!












DIY Weight Loss: No One Else Can Do It For You

You would think that’s pretty obvious: you can’t hire someone to lose your weight for you. In our society, however, we hire out as much of the hard parts of everything we can, and unfortunately, it’s those hard parts in weight loss that matter the most.

When it comes to weight loss, most of us look for three things when we choose a weight loss plan: 1) it works; 2) it’s easy; and 3) it’s fast. Sounds like great criteria, right? And really, it is. No one wants to waste time with a plan that doesn’t work, is more complicated than it should be and takes a long time to deliver results, or worse, delivers failure.

Our approach to choosing a weight loss plan isn’t much different than choosing a plan for a cell phone or Netflix. We talk to our friends: what do they have and what is working for them? There’s nothing wrong with information gathering; we aren’t asking our friends to lose our weight for us since they obviously can’t. The problem mainly comes when we sign up for one of the popular diets or weight loss plans.

These plans fit the criteria above: they’re fast, they’re easy and they seem to work. Check that again: they seem to work. What makes them easy and fast is that it’s all laid out: most of the food is already prepared, the meals are set up for you and all you have to do is heat and eat. All the hard work is done for you: you just make your choice from your stash of diet food. That’s what makes it easy and it works as long as you stick with the plan and most of these plans work pretty quick, because everything you’re eating is controlled.

So what’s the problem? Isn’t that what we want: fast, easy & practically guaranteed? Yes, it’s what we want but the problem is we aren’t doing it for ourselves. We hired out all those hard parts and those are the parts that matter. We aren’t actually making our own food choices: we’ve hired someone to do it for us. We’re not deciding how much we eat or even what we’re eating- we’ve let someone else make those decisions for us. And when it comes to sustainable weight loss, those are the important decisions that matter.

The problem with those popular diet plans is that they don’t teach us anything about how to eat healthy and how to make good food choices. That’s why the results aren’t permanent: once we stop eating their pre-packaged prepared food, we usually go back to eating what we ate before, usually something high-calorie, highly processed and not healthy for us. Obviously we aren’t trying to undo the success we had with our weight loss plan but once we’ve stopped eating their food, there doesn’t seem to be much difference between a bag of diet cheese puffs and a bag of ‘reduced calorie’ cheese puffs.  The same thing with diet frozen lasagna from our diet plan manufacturers and ‘low cal’ frozen lasagna in the grocery store.  What do we learn on the weight loss plan we bought? We learned to eat packages that say “diet” or “low calorie.”

What makes weight loss so hard (and those diet/ weight loss programs so tempting) is that real sustainable weight loss and healthy eating means we actually have to look at what we’re eating, how much we’re eating, and how often we’re eating.  Simply put, it’s a pain in the butt! It means reading labels for nutritional information, ingredients and serving size- literally, the fine print! It means going to the grocery store on a regular basis, buying fresh foods and- ack!!- cooking!  This is pretty much what most of us are trying to avoid and the weight loss plan people know that.  That’s why these “plans” are so popular year after year- you take the food out of the box, heat it and yay- you’ve just made dinner!  But think about it: how much of their business is repeat business? As in “I lost twenty pounds on Nutrisystem/ Jenny Craig/ Weight Watchers last year so I’ll sign up for them again since I gained it all back.”  This is also what we’re trying to avoid!

It really isn’t a choice between cooking or endless dieting, but it does mean that we have to learn how to eat on our own.  There will be some cooking involved but not the complex process most of us dread. There are a lot of healthy meals that can be prepared in thirty minutes and with a small investment in a pressure cooker/ slow cooker, even some of the more complex dishes can be prepared with a minimum of fuss.  Seriously, you put the food in the machine and set the timer. All you need to do is figure out when you want to eat it: half an hour or at the end of the day. (I bought an Express Crock Pot for my dad last Christmas because it does both and he loves it.) My own dinner last night took longer for me to eat it than it did to cook it: lamb chops in the cast iron skillet and fresh asparagus in the microwave steamer. It was about twenty minutes to prepare all told.  If I had gotten rotisserie chicken, it would have been faster. It’s easy, it’s fast and it’s healthy, and nothing came out of a package.  How complicated is that? It’s food that I really like eating and I got to prepare it the way I like it.

We’ve got to do it ourselves when it comes to deciding what and how to eat unless we plan on spending the rest of our lives eating diet food out of boxes and bags.  That means spending a little time on a learning curve. It also means that once we’ve learned what we like to eat, what works for us and how easy it is to prepare, we start picking up speed on that curve. One of the tips that works for a lot of people who aren’t fans of the kitchen is batch cooking.  This is where you prepare food for several meals and either freeze it or save it in the fridge. This can be something as generic as meatloaf or baked potatoes or chili, or something as ‘fancy’ as frittata muffins (omelets baked in muffin tins). I do a version of this when I make pork ribs or burgers: I make enough for two or three days and put the rest in the fridge. The ones I plan on saving for later I pull off the stove/ oven a little early so they don’t overcook when I reheat them.

Confession time: there’s a certain pride that comes from knowing how to do it yourself.  There’s a sense of independence and self-reliance that balances out whatever DIY hassle might be involved. It means you don’t have to be confused when your friends insist on going out to dinner and the menu doesn’t have a “lighter side” section.  When you know what is healthy for you, you can choose for yourself and feel confident in your choices.  Example: I eat Paleo (lots of veggies and some protein). I lose weight, feel better, have more energy and I like what I’m eating. When I go out with my mom, she likes the Olive Garden, so my favorite meal there is broccoli with baked fish. I get salad and leave the breadsticks (I never liked their breadsticks, so no loss for me there!) Something similar happens when I go out with friends: they like Asian so I get the chicken teriyaki, light sauce, no rice but all the stir-fried veggies (cabbage, celery, carrots, broccoli, bean sprouts). I’ve never been a fan of white rice, so again no loss for me!

Yes, it took a while to feel comfortable on this learning curve and learning to do it myself was a pain in the beginning. It was a lot of reading labels and figuring out that cauliflower rice, no matter how popular, isn’t popular with me. It also took a while to figure out that I really like steamed veggies and if I feel like something different, I can always steam a different veg or throw together a quick salad. It’s also kind of fun sharing my salad with my dog who is practically vegetarian! You don’t have to choose to eat Paleo or vegetarian or keto; you just have to choose healthy foods in reasonable portions.  You also don’t have to make a radical change to how you eat or how much you eat.  You get to decide all these important personal matters for yourself.  The point is that once you learn how to do it for yourself it’s actually easier than always depending on someone or something else. You make your own choices and you choose what works for you.  It can be as boring or as adventurous as you want it because you’re the one making the decisions.










Trying and Trying Too Hard: More (Stress) is Not Better

One of the biggest issues we face in America and most Westernized industrial nations is the idea that “more is better.”  If some exercise is good, more must be better! If some B vitamins are good, more must be better! If some caffeine is good, more must be better, and so on and so on.  Obviously, more is NOT always better and with some things, like vitamins and supplements especially, more can be deadly.  Hint: when something says “do not exceed recommended dosage” on the label, follow the directions! Bonus hint: always read the directions on any medication, vitamin or supplement! Seriously, too much of certain ‘safe’ vitamins, supplements or even OTC remedies can kill you.

This More is Better idea has become a way of life for a lot of us, except when it comes to certain healthy routines.  We think nothing of overtraining, overworking, overeating, but when it comes to things like sleep, relaxation or even something as ‘woo-woo’ as meditation, we poo-poo the ideas and go back to overworking.  We seem to pride ourselves on being stressed to death by work and training and even so-called recreational activities like parties, classes or hobbies.  We’ve taught ourselves that every minute of every day must be scheduled with something ‘productive.’  As a result, we’re scheduling ourselves into our graves.

Even when it comes to healthy habits like eating better or being more active, we’ve scheduled ourselves with trainers and workouts and reading books, blogs or listening to podcasts. We’re trying to cram as much as we can into every day either with work, our healthy routines, our hobbies or even gathering more information. So, if we aren’t working at our job or our home, we’re working on ‘being healthy!’ Isn’t that awesome?  Ummmm…. not as awesome as you’d think!

Again, more is NOT better, especially when it comes to filling every nook and cranny of your life because we really are stressing ourselves to death.  The only times we even consider something like a ‘rest day’ is when it comes to training and in a lot of those cases, we ‘rest’ the muscles we worked out the day before. So if we do the upper body on Monday, we work out the lower body on Tuesday and then back to the upper body on Wednesday.  That should be plenty of rest, right?  Maybe for your biceps, triceps and rhomboids, but not for YOU. You might think and even feel like you’re doing okay and not feeling a lot of stress, but how much rest are you actually getting? After working eight hours and working out for another hour and then running some errands, you come home, have dinner, walk the dog, help out with cleaning up or housework, watch some tv and then go to bed so you scroll through blogs, Facebook or put on a podcast as you lie in bed.  By the time you actually fall asleep, it’s after midnight and then you’re up at 6:00 a.m. the next morning to do it all again! The only difference is on weekends when you can work out longer, run more errands for you and the family, read more blogs, Facebook or plug in more podcasts and stay up later because you don’t have to work on Sunday, unless you do bring work home so you get to schedule that into your weekend too!

All of this is stressful. We think we’re getting enough rest and relaxation when we do things like work out or walk the dog or scroll through Facebook, and for some of us, that may be true. If walking the dog is something you enjoy and you can relax while doing it, then don’t stop doing it.  The same thing with hobbies: if this is time that you have set aside for yourself and your own enjoyment, that really is awesome, but the real test is when you get up in the morning or sit down at the end of the night.  If you wake up to your alarm and feel as tired or achy or grumpy as you did the night before, you are not getting enough rest and recovery time. If you sit down to watch tv at night or lie in bed scrolling through your device and find yourself nodding off, then you are overscheduled and stressed out.  The same thing with weekends: if you sit down for ten minutes and fall asleep- bingo!! Not getting enough sleep! And FYI: the answer to not getting enough sleep isn’t more caffeine!

When we decide we want to be healthier, right along with advice like “eating right” is the advice about “be more active”. That really is good advice, but we only read those two and seem to miss the “get more sleep” and “manage stress” advice.  Part of this is a cultural work ethic and part of this is just that ‘more is better’ attitude again. We think being more active means getting more things done in the day, especially since we need to cram in the time for the blogs, the podcasts, the workouts, the healthy grocery shopping and everything else that we already had scheduled in our day.  ‘Being more active’ has very little to do with ‘getting things done.’  I can sit at my computer typing pleadings and correspondence all day long and while I may get a whole lot of documents done, it also means I’m sitting on my butt not being active. The same goes with listening to podcasts or reading blogs.  Unless I’m doing that on a treadmill or on bike, I am not being active although I might be ‘getting things done.’ Sometimes we have to be a little creative when it comes to getting things done and being more active, but it also means not scheduling ourselves to death. For me, this means listening to podcasts in the car while I am driving to work: as long as I’m stuck sitting on my butt, why not get something done that I can do sitting down? As for being more active, when I make time in my week for working out, that means I have to look at anything else I’ve scheduled in my week and choosing either to move activities or discontinue them completely because there is a finite amount of time in our days and weeks! We can’t do everything: we need to be selective with our time.

Part of this time and stress management means I set an alarm on my phone to go to bed.  While this sounds a little silly (an adult with a bedtime like a five year old?), it means that when I wake up in the morning, I’m not a grumpy old b*tch.  Silly as it seems, setting a bedtime and keeping it has had major and positive impact on my stress and my health.  I am about as close to a vampire as you can get without burning up in the sun and going to bed at 10:00 p.m. is about the same as other people going to bed in the middle of the day.  However, reluctant though I am to keep my regular bedtime, I notice that when I do, I wake up before the alarm goes off and, while I’m never happy about getting up in the morning, I am not exhausted and snapping at the pets. It also means that if I’m feeling tired at 9:00 p.m., I don’t stay up unless I’m working on something.  “Working on something” doesn’t mean posting online or reading a book or blog and definitely not watching tv.  It means things like finishing the dishes or changing the cats’ litter box- stuff that really can’t wait until tomorrow (unless it has to)!

Getting enough rest and stress management are actually two separate ideas.  If you are not getting enough rest, your body will feel the stress even if you think you don’t.  Being chronically sleep deprived is a stressor on the body and the mind.  All those ‘senior moments’ you have are probably stress and sleep related. You know you can’t think clearly when you’re tired but when you’re chronically tired, you begin to think being a little fuzzy minded is normal.  For those of us who wear glasses, we don’t realize how much our vision has changed until we visit the optometrist and she tries out new lenses on us- wow! Talk about clear! For those of you who don’t wear glasses, next time you’re at the drug store, try looking through the reading glasses while you’re there, then once you take them off, you’ll understand. The same thing happens when we’re always tired, always a little fuzzy and always a step or two behind.  It’s not because we’re getting older- it’s because we’re not getting enough sleep!

The same thing happens when we’re always stressed. Remember what I said above about snapping at my pets? Remember when your kid asked you something and snapped at her? It might have been something simple like going over to a friends or watching something on the living room tv, but you bit her head off.  We have a finite amount of patience, too.  We’d like to think it’s limitless but the more we go through in a day, the less patience we have when we get home and unfortunately, the ones waiting for us at home who have to deal with the leftover bits of patience we’ve got are the ones we love the most.  We snap and grumble and huff at them when they want to spend time with us and they don’t deserve that. This is especially bad when we bring work home with us.  Some of us are lucky enough to leave the job at the office, but we can still bring home the worry and the stress. I’ve heard of people who designate the first thirty minutes or more at home as ‘unwind’ time.  That means let mom or dad change clothes, take a shower, lay down, whatever before asking questions or cornering them over something. For me, that ‘unwind’ time (odd as it seems) is my drive home. This is when I will call friends on my Bluetooth, put on an audiobook or play list or just drive in silence. This is my time and even though it’s spent in traffic, I get very grumpy when people call to bug me during my drive time!

If walking the dog is your unwind time, don’t stop doing it and it might be a good idea to let others know that when they interrupt you while you’re walking Max, it is not a good thing! If you don’t have some time or ritual set aside to de-stress, set up something and let your family and friends know that this is your time for yourself and it needs to have a permanent home in your schedule. It’s like getting enough sleep: when you wake up not hating your day, the more you can not only enjoy it but the more productive you can be overall.  When you don’t manage your stress, it spreads into the rest of your life and wears away at things you used to love. You end up not sleeping well, not enjoying your job and either not enjoying time with your loved ones or being too tired to enjoy it.  What’s the point in eating right and working out if you’re too tired and stressed to enjoy the life your working so hard to achieve?  News flash: even if you are eating right and working out, it all gets cancelled out by being overtired and overstressed.  Remember: more is NOT better!





Walking Out Onto the Ledge: Don’t Be Afraid of Failing

Some of you may be watching the new series on TNT The Alienist.  One of the characters in that show is Theodore Roosevelt. Before the show premiered, I read the book and there’s a bit of background about TR.  Most of us know him from his presidency and his adventures afterwards around the world as an explorer of sorts, but long before he was Mr. President or Mr. Police Commissioner, he was a rather sickly child.  One of the reasons his family and friends believe he was so outgoing and “take-charge” was that he had spent a lot of time as a child fighting to be strong and outgoing.  As a result, there are quite a few inspirational quotes about trying and failing attributed to him.  Most are familiar with the one about “if he fails, at least he fails daring greatly.”  While I like that quote (I think a car manufacturer used it in an ad not too long ago), the quote I like best of his actually appeared on my phone’s app this week: “It is hard to fail but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”  That pretty much says it all.  For some of us, this is what we are counting on: we can’t fail if we don’t try. We’d all feel safer if we had a guarantee that we’d win, or at least not fail, but the only guarantee is that if you never get in the game, you will never winThat means you are a guaranteed loser!

Does that sting a little? Good! It should sting.  Failure and losing should not be attractive or pleasant. They should be the impetus to improvement and trying harder.  One of the lyrics I like so much in Green Day’s “Still Breathing” is the phrase “As I walk out on the ledge, are you scared to death to live?” I think that this is truer for more of us than we want to admit.  Living is hard.  Living takes work.  It’s a lot of skinned knees even at the best of times. I remember watching one of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients who was only 25 years old but well over 500 lbs crying about “it shouldn’t be this hard to be a person!”  Really? Who guaranteed that it was going to be easy?  How about those people who are homeless?  Did they just miss out on that guarantee? How about those with disabilities or who suffered terrible tragedies in their lives?  Where are their guarantees that life is easy?  We can all cry about how hard it is to live and to be a person too, and I am sure many of us have.  I know I’ve whined about it myself.

But ultimately, that’s what it is: whining, and also looking for an excuse.  People think there is no glory or greatness in being a person, but your life is what you make it.  I know it’s a cliche, but a lot of times things are cliche because they are true! One of the stories from Homer’s Odyssey has to do with Achilles making a choice to live a short but glorious life or to live a long and boring one.  (If you don’t know which one he chose, I can’t help you.)  The point is that our lives are the product of our choices and if you let fear dictate your choices, your life will probably be pretty miserable.

Some of you may read my other blog about my pets (My Four-Legged Family & Me) and one of the dogs I mention a lot is my Yorkie Henry.  Henry was pretty fearless throughout his life.  I used to say “he’s fearless so I’m always scared to death!” He’d think nothing of jumping from my shoulder to the dresser or climbing onto the table or growling at my sister’s 110 lb Husky mix.  He was almost 5 lbs and wasn’t even 12 inches tall, but he was was fearless! He wasn’t foolhardy (he knew I had his back when he growled at Marlow) but he also wasn’t going to let his size dictate who bossed him around.  It might sound a little weird to say that your almost-five-pound dog is your inspiration, but frankly I don’t care.  Henry did a lot of things and went a lot of places that other dogs might not get to do because I knew he could handle it.  I loved taking him to Disneyland and Universal Studios and he went to the mountains and the beach too.  I have to admit, he was a little intimidated by the ocean but hey, I know humans who are intimidated by the ocean.

The point is that living takes work and like most things, it takes practice to get it right, especially if you want to get the most out of your life and health.  Nothing worth doing comes without a price and for most of us that price is failing once in a while.  Success is less about luck and strategy than it is about pure perseverance.  It means not being afraid to get your hands dirty or get egg on your face. If you let the fear of looking foolish get between you and your goal or even just the life you want to have, you have much bigger issues than looking like a fool: you’re missing out on your life.

Living the life you want is a success on its own but success comes through trial and failure and trying again. Try googling “famous failures” and you’ll easily get a couple dozen lists of famous people who screwed up royally at least once in their lives. These are people like Einstein, Spielberg, Rowling, Lincoln, Jobs, Gates and of course, Edison, but the list is endless. When you think of three time Oscar winner Stephen Spielberg, is failure what you think of? Or foolishness or embarrassment? Of course not! You think of classic films like Schindler’s List, ET, or Jaws, but such groundbreaking films would never have been made if Spielberg had let failure and fear stop him.

Failure is why most of us are afraid to try anything new or different. When it comes to making healthy eating choices or working out, in some ways, it’s even more awkward.  Many of us feel like we shouldn’t need “instructions” on how to eat and how to be active, so on top of the idea that we’re already doing it ‘wrong,’ we don’t want to admit that we don’t know how to start doing it ‘right.’ We don’t want to admit that we don’t know what we’re doing and we’re afraid of looking stupid. Take it from someone who’s used to looking stupid- once you get used to it, you realize some important truths: most people don’t care; most people have been right there looking stupid themselves; and most people are willing to help you out.

Most of us won’t have millions of people watching us fail if we blow our diet or bail on our workouts. If we fail to finish our 5k or gain back a few pounds, it’s not going to be a fifty million dollar failure with the world watching us: it’ll just be those we love most in the world. So it’ll just feel like it’s the whole world. I know we all want to make our loved ones proud. We want their love and admiration but seriously if we’re afraid of looking foolish in front of the ones we love the most and who love us the most, what does that say about our relationship? Shouldn’t we feel safest with them? If someone has to bear witness to our most embarrassing screw-ups, shouldn’t it be the ones we know won’t use them to hurt us? Don’t you think they’d be proud of our trying to improve our health and quality of life?

When we’re afraid of failing, afraid of looking foolish or afraid of being wrong, we close ourselves off from the world but also the ones we love. That 25 year old 500-plus patient of Dr. Nowzaradan’s learned something important: it wasn’t fear of disappointing others that was holding her back from living her life, but it was her fear of disappointing herself.  She was the one holding herself back.  That’s what happens when we let fear and failure get in our way: we hold ourselves back from living the life we want to live- not fate, not the Universe or God, and not other people. No one else makes the choices for us- we do and when we choose to hide from the hard things in life, we ultimately choose no life at all.  One of my other favorite quotes in my cubicle is from Don Quixote: “I know who I am and who I may be if I choose.” I know who I am. Who do you choose to be?

Still Breathing: Weight Loss Takes Determination

One of the things that surprises people about me is the music I listen to.  Scrolling through the music on my iPod you’ll find Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Led Zeppelin, Hans Zimmer, Yo-Yo Ma, The Chieftains, Skillet, Disturbed, James Newton Howard, Kitty Wells, John Fogerty, Patsy Cline, Five Finger Death Punch, John Denver and Bush among others.  Believe it or not, I am picky about what I listen to. You would think as I get older, my taste in music would start mellowing, but it’s just in the last few years that I downloaded the Skillet, Disturbed and FFDP. And, yes, I still listen to the old country (the new country I really don’t care for!)

My taste in music really surprised my sister. When it comes to music, we really are speaking different languages.  She likes jazz and some things I can’t even begin to describe (bossa nova?) When I initially starting listening to hard rock (Queen was the first), she put it down to rebelling against my parents, but it’s just kept growing and expanding.  One of my favorite bands which has also stood the test of time is Green Day. Their music speaks to me and it’s still got a lot to say. The song that’s talking to me most recently is “Still Breathing.”

Let’s be honest: music is art and even though the artist may have intended a song to about something specific, it has something different to say to each person. To me, this one was pretty straightforward: “I’m still breathing on my own.”  We might be scared, we might be hurt, we might be overwhelmed, but we’re still breathing and we’re still alive.

We need to keep breathing and we need to keep struggling for what we want in our lives and for ourselves.  I know it sounds trite and cliche but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. If we don’t believe we’re worth fighting for, why would anyone else fight for us? I often say something similar when it comes to weight loss: if you don’t want to lose weight, no one else can lose it for you! You have to want this!

You hear something similar from most people when it comes to weight loss programs or work out programs or anything else that requires your participation: you get out of it what you put into it. It takes practice to learn anything, to get good at anything or to succeed at anything.  We’ve all heard the Edison quote about light bulbs but my favorite quote of his says “opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

Losing weight is no different: it takes a lot of work and a whole lot of determination to make healthy changes, to lose weight and to keep it off.  If we want to improve our health and improve the quality of our lives, it takes work to make it happen.  Seriously, if weight loss were easy, we wouldn’t be a nation of obese individuals! We wouldn’t have expressions like “yo-yo dieting” and businesses like Nutrisystem and Weight Watchers wouldn’t exist. But these businesses exist precisely because weight loss is so difficult.  They are trying to make it easier and while I completely respect their intentions, I think they are doing it all wrong: it’s the work that makes it valuable.

Another favorite quote of mine is by Thomas Paine: “what we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: ’tis dearness only that gives everything its value.” Do you remember the first car you ever bought and paid for yourself? Do you remember the first time someone spilled something in it? I’m sure you do! When I was in high school, there were two kinds of kids: those who bought their cars themselves and those whose parents paid for them. The older brother of a classmate had restored a 1957 pickup truck on his own, and even though the shop screwed up the royal blue paint job he’d ordered (it looked like a giant blueberry!), he was still proud of his hard work and babied his truck. By contrast, there were a couple of twins in the same class whose parents bought them a Corvette, and when they totaled it inside six months, their parents bought them another one.  Who do you think understood the value of their vehicles?

If losing ten pounds were as simple as switching from butter to margarine, no one would give it a second thought. We’d lose ten pounds and when we went on vacation, we’d think nothing of drinking mai-tais all day and eating cheesecake and pasta every night and when we came home and discovered we’d gained back that ten pounds, it’d be no big deal: “It’ll come back off as easily as before!” We all know that’s not true! Many of us struggle to lose the ten pounds and we continue to struggle to keep it off and when we’re stuck on vacation looking at buffet tables full of ravioli, cheesecake, garlic bread and cocktails, our first thought isn’t “wow, this looks good!” Okay- maybe it is, but it’s quickly followed by “how long will it take me to lose the weight I’d gain if I ate all this?” We’ve all dreaded stepping on the scale after vacation or the holidays: “how much did I gain? And how long until I’m back where I was before?”

Too often we give up before we even join the fight.  We hide from our weight and we hide from life. When things get hard, we sigh and dread just the thought of all the work involved. It’s work planning out our shopping list; it’s work saying no to all the snacks and goodies, and let’s not even discuss the ‘work’ involved in working out! “Why is it all so hard?” We give up and we hide rather than dig in and get it done. When we do that, we forget how good it feels when we take the stairs and aren’t winded when we reach our office; we forget how good it feels when we try on a new outfit and realize you need a smaller size; we forget how good it feels to get up in the morning actually feeling good instead of tired and burnt out! These are just some of the benefits of weight loss and being healthier: we can move without pain, we can do more, we feel better and aside from just looking great, we improve our overall physical and mental health. Yes, it is work, but it’s work worth doing!

It’s not always going to be easier and there will be times when we feel like we’ve been runover by life and circumstances and that all of our efforts are pointless.  We’re going to feel like exhausted and frustrated and start thinking more about giving up than what we’re working for.   Those are normal reactions to the hard work, but when they start popping up in your head, I want to remind you: you’re still breathing on your own.

Do One Thing, Do It Well & Move On To The Next: Weight Loss & Repetition

Like most people my age (50+), I grew up watching M*A*S*H and one of my favorite characters was Major Charles Emerson Winchester, III.  He was a pompous snob and obviously meant to be the butt of Hawkeye & BJ’s jokes, but he was also very well read and educated and when he went on about opera or authors, I usually knew who he was talking about.  I admit: I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to great literature too!

During his first episode, he made it clear that he does things his way.  He pompously announced to everyone in the operating room: “I do one thing, I do it well and then I move on to the next.”  Despite all his arrogance and ego, he was not wrong about that.  One of our biggest mistakes when it comes to making New Year’s Resolutions or any kind of ‘self-improvement’ changes is that we try to do too much at once.  Instead of doing one thing, doing it well and moving on to what’s next on our list, we decide we are going to do it all now and save some time and effort!

Big Mistake!! Biiiigggg Mistake!! Huge!! I honestly can’t say it enough.  Remember when you were a kid and you saw the jugglers at the carnival? Five or six balls or batons in the air all floating easily like it’s no trick at all?  Remember when you tried juggling tennis balls and just got hit in the face by all of them? YUP!! That’s pretty much what happens to us when we write our list of resolutions and then try doing them all at once.  The only difference is that if we were hit in the face by them, we would probably learn something (like we did when we were ten and tried juggling) instead of trying to do them all again the next year or the next time!  Sometimes bruises are good for something, and I really think if New Year’s Resolutions came with bruises when we screwed up, we might learn a little faster!

The trick isn’t that different from learning to juggle or even Maj. Winchester’s pompous pronouncement: do one thing, do it well and then move on!  When novice jugglers learn, they start with one ball or baton: toss it, watch it, catch it.  Repeat.  It’s harder than it looks, really, because it means tossing it straight and knowing where it’s coming down. So once you can catch it blindfolded, you get to add another ball/ baton. As in, one ball/ baton.  Now you get to catch two of them! Repeat until you’re about to die from boredom, and when you can catch both of those blindfolded, you get to step up to the Big Leagues and add in a third ball/ baton.  Now you’re really juggling! You’ve got three objects in the air and once you’ve got all three going, then and pretty much only then, you appreciate all that super boring practice with balls one and two!  Because you practiced until you could toss and catch without even thinking about it, now that you actually have to think about # 3, not thinking about # 1 and # 2 makes it look easy and almost effortless.  Really, even though you’ve got three balls in the air, you really only have to think about ONE.  That’s the secret with juggling and that’s the secret with weight loss and ‘self-improvement’ habits: you do one thing until you do it well, and then you add another.

I wish I could tell you it’s glamorous or exciting or even funny like on M*A*S*H, but it’s not. The behind-the-scenes truth to juggling, working out and weight loss is just more of that super boring repetition. When you watch the jugglers or any kind of performance, what you are seeing is the Finished Product. It might be five minutes or less of a trapeze artist flying through the air or two jugglers sending batons back and forth with flawless ease, but what you don’t see is the hours of dropped batons, getting smacked in the face or the trapeze artist missing her hold and falling into the safety net.  That’s the whole point: they make something extremely difficult look amazingly easy!

This is what happens when we are presented with the infomercials and diet books/ plans and exercise programs.  They make it look like it’s just so simple and all you need is fifteen minutes or less! Everyone has fifteen minutes! No counting, no meetings, no measuring! It’s just fun delicious food and fifteen minutes of walking! Anyone can do this and have rock hard muscles, a chiseled six pack and lose twenty lbs in six weeks! Really! Just sign here!

Ummm…….NO. It’s never that easy because you have to do it. Consistently.  The fact is that even if it is as easy as opening a box of diet food and eating it or using your new machine for fifteen minutes, it’s still a change to your regular routine. How easy is it to say “I’ll do it later”? Even if it’s only a few minutes, you have to find a way to stick into your day: before or after dinner/ lunch/ breakfast? After work? Before work? Does walking the dog count? The same thing goes for opening that box of microwave diet food: it’s not what you normally eat and it’s one thing if you live by yourself, but when everyone else at home is doing “make your own taco night,” you’re there with your diet pasta.  Everyone else is having ice cream for Netflix night and you’re okay with your diet chocolate brownie?

I don’t mean to make trouble with exercise and diet plans but eventually we get tired of the repetition. It’s work! That should be obvious to us but what we were sold was “simple and easy.” If you want to buy the machine because you don’t want to go to the gym, that’s great! Just remember that the machine only works when you use it and you’re going to have to use it. Again and again and again. It’s the same thing with whatever diet plan you choose: it only works when you follow it, whether it’s make it yourself Paleo or frozen diet food from wherever. If you give in and decide to have taco night with the family, and then the ice cream and then the fried zucchini and burgers on the weekend, it’s going to cancel out the diet breakfast and lunch you’ve been eating. Unless your office had pizza at the weekly meeting or bagels at the Friday conference, and you didn’t want to look different by not eating. Then, you’re consistently not-eating your diet food.

Consistency is the monkey wrench in learning anything new and the secret to being consistent is the super boring repetition that makes the jugglers, trapeze artists and everyone else look awesome.  No one wants to hear about being boringly consistent doing the same thing again and again.  Where we get overwhelmed is when we try to be consistent with too many things all at once: again, if dropping our new healthy routines ended with a bruise on our face like a missed tennis ball, we’d probably be more sensible about starting new healthy habits!

Making one change to your regular routine is easier than making two, three or more changes. Whether it’s going to the gym, eating your new healthy meals or even just going to bed earlier: choose one, and do it until you don’t need to think about it anymore. Once it’s a complete no-brainer, move on to what’s next on your list and repeat. It’s not glamorous or exciting but it works! FYI: the exciting part comes when your waist gets smaller, your arms get cut and you can fit into the same size jeans you wore in high school. It’s the equivalent of the flawless rhythm of batons flying through the air with the greatest of ease! No one has to know it was day after day of being boringly consistent: show off the amazing results! You worked hard for it so enjoy being awesome for a while!


Planning to Fail: Making It Harder Than It Has to Be

We have all failed at weight loss at least once.  If you’re like me, you’ve been failing at it all your life! For most of us, obviously, this is unplanned but oddly enough, there are some people who plan to fail.

Most of us who go into the weight loss arena seriously want to succeed; we want to be slimmer, more fit, less tired and just generally look and feel better.  We unwittingly sabotage ourselves by creating plans and menus that just make it harder than it needs to be.  If you’re like me, you’re in a hurry to reach your goal weight so everyone, outta my way! It’s in our rush to “do everything! and do it now!” that we pile on too many changes, drastically re-structure our eating plans and overschedule ourselves with exercise.  We’ve made it harder than it needs to be by trying to go from zero to 150 in ten seconds or less!  Elizabeth Benton (Primal Potential) likens this to pulling onto the freeway, gunning your car’s engine with the parking brake on.  It’s a good analogy: we want to go as fast as we can but with the parking brake on, all we are doing is burning out our engine and increasing our frustration.  We get easily discouraged because “we’re doing everything right and not getting anywhere!” This is where most of us throw up our hands and resign ourselves either to being fat or to finding something else.

The ‘finding something else’ may not be the wrong idea, if the ‘do everything now’ method has been your strategy.  You probably have a good sound plan for weight loss; it’s the execution/ implementation that’s the problem.  We usually plan to give up things like sugar, ’empty carbs’ (chips, potatoes, etc) and we plan to drink more water and do more exercise or activity.  Those are all great plans (especially if you include more sleep and stress management) but trying to do all of them at once? That hotel website commercial pops in my head- the one with the guy trying to put on his belt, drink his coffee, shave and read the paper all at once. No one tries to do all those things at once- duhhhh! We can’t! Our hands are full! But when it comes to weight loss, eating better and making other positive changes, we don’t realize that our metaphorical hands are full…. until we start dropping things! Such as missing our workout class/ appointment, giving in to the break room cookies and ‘forgetting’ our healthy lunch so we end up eating out the rest of the crew- again!  We don’t realize it, but we are making this harder than it needs to be. We just hamstrung ourselves and didn’t even know it.

Using the analogy of the guy trying to do everything at once, the answer is obviously we do things one or two at a time.  Hello! Makes sense, right? Brush your teeth then drink your coffee or vice versa but not at the same time! We reject this idea because it… takes … too… long! We don’t want to wait- really who does? But the fact is that we built our bad habits and our extra pounds over time, usually a lifetime, and those habits and pounds take time to come off.  It’s not like we spent a week eating pasta three times a day and dessert seven days a week and then the following week we woke up with an extra twenty or thirty pounds on our butts and bellies! These habits changed little by little over the years and the extra pounds snuck up on us the same way.  The bad news is that now they’re firmly entrenched into our lifestyle and our butts.  The good news is that we can evict them, but like any eviction, it takes some time.  The first good habit we need to learn is patience. If we are as consistent and steady with our new good habits as we were with our old bad ones, we will be successful at weight loss.

This means doing things one at a time: we make one change, do it consistently and when it becomes a habit (as in we do it without really thinking about it), we make another change.  Here’s an example from last night: for the last two years, I’ve been going to water aerobics classes Mondays and Wednesdays.  The only time I haven’t made it to the classes is when the gym is closed or I work late. The biggest changes for me involved in this were #1) remembering my gym bag; and #2) remembering to go to the gym!  I set reminders on my phone to help with both of these.  The danger for me was that I would find a way to talk myself out of going to class: it’s a hassle; it’s cold; I don’t feel good; blah blah blah.  I made myself go anyway and it got easier after I made friends in the class.  Yesterday on my way to the gym, I was tired; it’d been really stressful at work lately; it was cold and rainy; and I realized I was talking myself out of going to class.  I was making excuses and justifications for not going and why it was okay to skip it. In fact, I had ‘decided’ I wasn’t going to go but because it had become a firmly entrenched habit, I found myself pulling into the gym parking lot.  Even though my ‘higher brain’ was arguing with me, my ‘autopilot brain’ drove to the gym anyway: it’s Wednesday so it’s gym night!  Oh, well! I’m here so I might as well work out!

By taking my time doing the same actions over and over, I made a habit of going to the gym and unless I consciously think about stopping myself, I do it anyway. This is how we learn to take our healthy lunch, not put sugar in our coffee, and go to bed at a reasonable hour.  I seriously set reminders on my phone (Alarmed app by Yoctoville-it’s free at iTunes!) and they helped a lot: reminders for packing the gym bag, going to the gym, making my breakfast and lunch, etc.

As for those of us who seriously plan to fail, there’s an entirely different psychology at work there.  These are the people who deliberately set themselves up for failure so they can say “I tried but I can’t do it!” and that’s their excuse for never trying again.  They ‘try to exercise’ but will try something they are reasonably certain is beyond their capabilities without being too outlandish, such as me at 430 lbs trying to run a 5k- just plain crazy! But if I tried something like doing an hour on the treadmill, that’s not crazy but at the same time, I’m pretty certain I would have been in a fair amount of pain afterwards because the impact on the treadmill aggravated the arthritis in my knees.  After 20 minutes, my knees were killing me.  If I had been setting up an excuse as to why I can’t exercise, this would have been good enough for me.  I’d already lost 40 lbs and should have been able to do this, but it hurts too much to exercise! I tried and I can’t do it! This would have been my opportunity to ‘get out of exercising’ because ‘my body can’t handle it!’ Instead, what I did was go to my doctor and ask her why my knees were hurting, which is how I ended up in the pool.  I went looking for an explanation and an alternative instead of choosing the excuse.  For the people who want permission to fail, looking for answers is kryptonite.  They don’t want help. They don’t want to succeed. They want to fail, either because it makes them more helpless and pitiable so they either get more attention and/ or sympathy or they don’t have any responsibility for anything in their lives. They can be overweight and helpless with impunity: they’ve tried to help themselves and they can’t do it.

Obviously some of us have flirted with the edges of this: I ‘tried’ to open this jar and I can’t: “hon, can you get this for me?” I ‘tried’ to prune the rosebushes and they look awful now: “look what happens when you let me do! I can’t do it as well as you!” This isn’t the same thing as those who are looking for excuses and justifications not to change.  Change is hard and uncomfortable and it’s a lot of work.  Positive changes are worth the effort.  We just need to remind ourselves that we are also worth the effort when our brains think of reasons to fail.








Portion Distortion: The Weight Loss Landmine

We’ve all heard about portion distortion when it comes to weight loss.  We go out to eat and look at the food on our plate and even though we know “this is more than one serving,” we usually don’t know how many servings are really there in front of us.  But it’s not just restaurants that do it to us: almost everything we buy has bigger than normal servings now.

At the risk of sounding like my grandma, when I was a kid, we’d buy frozen bagels at the grocery store (fresh bagels weren’t in stores or even bakeries).  The bagel was about the size of an English muffin, maybe a little thicker. Now, a bagel is literally twice the size of those frozen 1970’s bagels! One half of today’s bagel is the size of one of those frozen Lender’s bagels I got as a kid.  When you read the nutrition label on most of these, one serving is half a bagel!

The problem is that most of us don’t really pay attention to the serving size: one bagel = one serving, right? That makes sense, doesn’t it? It does, but that’s not what we’re getting.  Recently, standing in line at the grocery store, I looked at the wrapper on a King Size Payday bar: 150 calories a serving.  Logically, since it was a King Size bar, I thought there were two servings in this bar, but nope! It’s three!  It’s not 300 calories I was holding in my hand; it was 450!

Most of us really hate having to weigh and measure what we eat.  It’s one of the reasons so many of us give up on weight loss (it’s a major hassle) or we’re frustrated because our diet ‘isn’t working’ (because we aren’t weighing/ measuring). We also get lazy when it comes to reading the labels on packaging (another hassle!)  It’s bad enough to read them for calories or fat/ carb content, but then we buy the small package of cottage cheese and assume it’s one serving because it’s so small! But once we look at the amount per serving and number of servings per package, we realize that we just ate two servings of cottage cheese: really?! a half cup is a single serving?! it’s such a small amount!!

It is small to us now, but that’s part of the Portion Distortion landmine.  We know that what we are getting served either in a package or a restaurant is more than one serving: it’s pretty much common knowledge now.  What most of us don’t realize is how many servings there actually are in that package! (Think back to my Payday bar!) So while we acknowledge we’re walking in a mine field, we don’t know how many landmines are actually surrounding us! We think we know how much is a serving (it’s one cup of yogurt, right?) but our inner food scale has been miscalibrated by years of eating more than one serving at each sitting.  We eat the small container of cottage cheese or the whole bagel (or the whole package of M&Ms) and we think it’s one serving, because that’s what we’ve always eaten.  When we go out to restaurant and order a steak with fries and a salad with the salad dressing already on it, we think “okay, that’s more than a serving of steak and probably the fries too, but the salad is probably okay.” Depending on the size of the steak, it might be three servings (it’s 4 oz for steak) so it’s an 8 oz steak, it’s two, but if it’s a 12 oz steak (it’s a better bargain), that’s three.  As for the fries, it can easily be three servings depending on how generous the restaurant is (or if they have ‘bottomless’ fries!) As for the salad, again the serving size might be okay but what’s on it? Cheese? Croutons? Egg? and a serving of salad dressing is 2 tbs and most restaurants put closer to three or four.  FYI: that little cup of dressing for those of us who order it ‘on the side?’ Four!  The only advantage is that we can choose to use only half of it!

Somehow over the last forty-some years, the packages and portions have slowly increased and most of us have lazily gotten used to eating a whole package or close to it. I noticed it first with potato chips.  The ‘small’ bag kept getting bigger, and either we didn’t notice or we didn’t care.  The size of soft drink cups also increased and we kept right on ordering the ‘small’ even though it went from 8 oz to 12 to 16.  About ten years ago I went to the movies with my sister and a friend and we split an extra large soda between the three of us.  No problem because it was- no kidding- a bucket of soda! As in two quarts!!

Because we’re used to eating an entire package or restaurant ‘serving’ at one time, we are conditioned to think it’s okay.  There’s something a little off about saving half a package for later (it doesn’t stay fresh!) and bringing home leftovers from the restaurant is a hassle (the boxes leak!) and as for splitting a plate with a friend at the restaurant? (Please! That’s being cheap!) So rather than ‘be wasteful’ and leave food on the plate or throw it in the trash, we eat it all and feel stuffed…. until we get used to eating it all and then that oversized portion becomes the ‘normal amount.’  This is how one cup of cottage cheese has become a ‘serving’ and an 8 oz steak has become a ‘serving’ and the bagel the size of our face has become a ‘serving!’ Our bellies, our appetites, and- even worse- our perception have all become as distorted as the portions in front of us.

Going back to eating one normal-sized serving feels like we’re cheating ourselves since that ‘normal’ amount feels more like half of what is normally on our plate. It takes some time to adjust our perceptions, bellies and appetites again, but eventually, we get there.  We also don’t have to go from the 12 oz steak straight to the 4 oz either.  There’s no harm in going from 12 to 8 or 6- since it’s still progress! We also need to get used to the idea of either sharing what we’re eating (as in splitting a plate or a sandwich or wrap) or bringing something home. The same goes for only eating a serving and putting the rest in the fridge or pantry (that’s why they make baggies!) FYI: in a lot of places, the ‘child sized’ portion is still pretty close to normal! After years of ordering the ‘medium’ frozen yogurt (a pint!), the child size (4 oz) seemed paltry… until I was with a friend who ordered the medium and OMG! it’s huge! I’m fairly lucky in that I have pets, and I have no qualms with sharing my food with them, provided it’s safe for them.  I’ve also noticed that my pets have better food sense than I do: they don’t eat when they’re not hungry and one of my dogs will fight me for my salad and leave my frozen yogurt alone!

It’s a lot like getting new glasses: the first few days, it feels you’re walking on the rolling deck of a ship, and then one day, you wake up and it’s all normal again. Once we realize that we’ve been seeing isn’t what we think it is, it’s easier to recognize not only that we’re standing on a portion distortion landmine, but how big a bomb it really is!