Put Down the Phone: Weight Loss & Our Devices

Some of you know I commute five days a week for my job. It’s about four hours round trip and while most people get really frustrated in traffic, I’ve mostly come to enjoy the time to myself. Of course there are some things that still really really irritate me and nothing irritates me more than seeing a driver with a cellphone in their hand.

I live in California and driving or texting while holding your phone is against the law. Using a Bluetooth device is allowed but if you’re caught holding your phone, it’s going to cost you. If you’re lucky, it’s just going to be a few hundred dollars, and if you’re not lucky, you or someone else could be hurt or die.

Unfortunately it’s still one of those laws that most people ignore. I’ve seen cops and CHP (California Highway Patrol) driving with phones in their hands. I was waiting at a traffic light one day watching the woman in the car next to me chatting away on her phone. Then she hung up, put it down, then picked up another one to make another call! I really wanted to roll down my window and holler at her to hang it up.

A few months ago I got a magnet for the back of my truck that says “Put Down The Phone.” I believe it really should say “damn phone!” Recently I’ve been seeing commercials for car insurance with the character Mayhem (actor Dean Winters) pretending to be a cellphone stuck under the console buzzing away.  Obviously the driver of the car smashes into the rear of a stopped vehicle and frankly, the commercials make me laugh. I know car accidents aren’t funny.  For the record, I work as a paralegal at a personal injury law firm and 98% of our clients are car accident victims and some of their accidents are the result of some fool on a cellphone. When I use my phone while I’m driving, I use my Bluetooth and when it’s not working (which is often), then my options are not making the call or pulling into a parking lot. Usually, it’s not a difficult decision: the call can wait.

I realize that this is not what most people would do. Since cellphones and other devices have become pervasive in our world, we are trained to reach for the cell when it goes off. Being out of cell range or – gasp!- turning your phone off is practically unheard of.  We are so connected to our devices and phones in particular that they are taking their toll on us in ways we are just beginning to discover.

I saw a health advisory discussing more and more patients coming to their doctors with “text neck” from holding their head at an uncomfortable angle because of texting. The solution? I completely expected the host to say: “put down the phone!” My jaw dropped when she said the solution is to hold your phone higher so it’s on a closer level with your eyes so you don’t have to bend your head. OMG! How about not texting/ scrolling/ emailing six hours a day?

I’m not going to lie: I love my phone, my iPod and my tablet, not to mention my desktop. I spend several hours a week on this blog and my pet blog (myfourleggedfamilyandme.wordpress.com) which means I’m obviously attached to my device or computer. Even though I wouldn’t dream of leaving home without my devices and the chargers for them, I also know that I don’t use my devices as much as other people do. There are a lot of people who are on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook and other sites for several hours a day. I also don’t check my email every day- gasp! Also unheard of in today’s technocentric world! There’s a time and a place to use these things and sometimes that time is “not right now.”

As I said, I am not anti-device: I just think we need to have a little more discretion about when and where we use them, and I don’t just mean “while you are driving a car.” There are the obvious health risks that come with chronic device usage, like overexposure to blue light (impairs sleep), eye strain, headaches, the text neck mentioned above, carpal tunnel and tendonitis in the hands, fingers and wrists from chronic typing, texting and scrolling, but there’s the other less obvious health associated problems that come from being overly attached to our devices.  These are things like chronic sitting.  This is one that usually smacks me literally in the butt: I usually type my blog posts at my desktop which means if I’m not interrupted, I could end up sitting there at my desk for an hour or more, and this is just for one blog post! This means when I do get up, I’m usually a little stiffer than usual. Chronic sitting at a desk isn’t good for your legs, hips, back, shoulders, neck or eyes.  (For more on the dangers of chronic sitting, check out Deskbound by Kelly Starrett.) There is also how we are becoming more and more disconnected from the people we care about. Remember, humans are social creatures and we need a certain amount of contact with others to stay emotionally healthy! We’re familiar with the now cliche family sitting around the living room or kitchen table all glued to their devices, communicating through texts even though they are in the same room. This is cliche because it happens in real life now, and now that everyone is getting an Echo, Dot or other Alexa-enabled device, it’s become easier: “Alexa, call the garage”; “Alexa, call the kitchen.”

The chronic sitting and the disconnectedness are bad enough but chronic device usage is more insidious because it directly interferes with our daily activity. When I am glued to my desk top typing away, I am not getting up and moving around, which is why I am stiff.  When mom or dad needs to call little Janie or Mikey to the dinner table, they just send a text or have Alexa call the living room or bedroom rather than walk down the hall or up the stairs.  That lack-of-activity adds up!  We have the same effect when we order paper towels or other household necessities online and have them delivered to our house rather than going to the store and walking around to get them ourselves.  All of these daily little activities have gone away in favor of doing it on a device. Are you out of cat food? Get it delivered! Out of detergent? Get it delivered! And while you’re at it, order dinner to be delivered too!

I’m a huge fan of Amazon’s Subscribe & Save where I get some supplies delivered monthly and I also get an Autoship from Thrive Market each month as well.  I’m not going to lie about how convenient it is, especially since most of what I order is a hassle for me to buy locally (or plain unavailable). I will point out that I make at least one or two trips to local stores each week, and when I do buy online, I pick it up in the store if I can, partly because I’m impatient and I want what I ordered today dammit! and partly because if I’m going to order it online, I might as well get what exercise I can picking it up! Remember, activity is necessary for our health, let alone weight loss! Sitting on the sofa, the recliner, or even at the desk not only isn’t burning calories or building muscle, it’s an invitation to eat while you’re there! How many of us have devoured a bag or box of junk food just because it was there in front of you? And I’ll bet you don’t remember eating it all and definitely didn’t enjoy most of it!

This is the most insidious way that our devices inhibit our weight loss and contribute to our weight gain. Not only are we stuck on the sofa mindlessly munching popcorn while we watch YouTube on our phones, we ‘don’t have time’ to work out anymore. We’re too busy on Instagram or Facebook to go for a walk, a run or go to the gym.  Why would we take a walk and spend some time face to face with our friends when we can stay at home, eat brownies and do Facetime? Why would we even go outside to get some healthy sunlight when we can be shopping online for a Joovv light?  Then we could get healthy sunlight in the middle of the night when we’re liking things on Facebook! Let’s not even talk about staying up late into the night instead of sleeping because we’re on our devices! (Formerly guilty of this one also! I stopped when my forearms began to hurt from holding my tablet! Bad, bad, bad!) Your body interprets lack of sleep as stress and as Megan Ramos (The Obesity Code Podcast) stated recently, even if you’re eating right and working out, you won’t be losing weight if your body is under stress!

I love my devices and technology but I am also aware that all technology isn’t good for me or everyone else for that matter.  As I said above, I’m a paralegal at a law firm, and I am also the receptionist which means all the phone calls come through me.  When I came to work here, all of our attorneys had phones with intercoms, so when someone called for them, I could put the caller on hold and buzz the attorney to announce the caller. At my old job, we didn’t have intercoms, but our office was one large room with offices attached, so our intercom was “DAVID! THE COURT’S ON LINE TWO!” unless we happened to have clients in the office, in which case I got up. When I came to work here, hollering wasn’t an option, so I did what came naturally: I got up, walked down the hall and told the attorney face to face who was on the line for them rather than buzzing them (that seems rude to me).  When one of our attorneys semi-retired, he moved out of his office to a cubicle and he elected not to have his “intercom” moved to his new phone.  Now when someone calls for him, buzzing his line isn’t an option: I have to get up to announce his call.  It’s a little amusing for me because both he and his wife (a frequent caller) apologize when I get up to tell him he’s got a call.  Even though I tell them both it’s not a problem, I know they are used to the old receptionist who just buzzed everyone.  Incidentally, the receptionist I replaced at this job was not only overweight with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes, she eventually had a stroke and had to retire on disability.  Believe me, getting up and walking down the hall to tell Rick he’s got a call is not a problem for me!




Trying and Trying Too Hard: More (Stress) is Not Better

One of the biggest issues we face in America and most Westernized industrial nations is the idea that “more is better.”  If some exercise is good, more must be better! If some B vitamins are good, more must be better! If some caffeine is good, more must be better, and so on and so on.  Obviously, more is NOT always better and with some things, like vitamins and supplements especially, more can be deadly.  Hint: when something says “do not exceed recommended dosage” on the label, follow the directions! Bonus hint: always read the directions on any medication, vitamin or supplement! Seriously, too much of certain ‘safe’ vitamins, supplements or even OTC remedies can kill you.

This More is Better idea has become a way of life for a lot of us, except when it comes to certain healthy routines.  We think nothing of overtraining, overworking, overeating, but when it comes to things like sleep, relaxation or even something as ‘woo-woo’ as meditation, we poo-poo the ideas and go back to overworking.  We seem to pride ourselves on being stressed to death by work and training and even so-called recreational activities like parties, classes or hobbies.  We’ve taught ourselves that every minute of every day must be scheduled with something ‘productive.’  As a result, we’re scheduling ourselves into our graves.

Even when it comes to healthy habits like eating better or being more active, we’ve scheduled ourselves with trainers and workouts and reading books, blogs or listening to podcasts. We’re trying to cram as much as we can into every day either with work, our healthy routines, our hobbies or even gathering more information. So, if we aren’t working at our job or our home, we’re working on ‘being healthy!’ Isn’t that awesome?  Ummmm…. not as awesome as you’d think!

Again, more is NOT better, especially when it comes to filling every nook and cranny of your life because we really are stressing ourselves to death.  The only times we even consider something like a ‘rest day’ is when it comes to training and in a lot of those cases, we ‘rest’ the muscles we worked out the day before. So if we do the upper body on Monday, we work out the lower body on Tuesday and then back to the upper body on Wednesday.  That should be plenty of rest, right?  Maybe for your biceps, triceps and rhomboids, but not for YOU. You might think and even feel like you’re doing okay and not feeling a lot of stress, but how much rest are you actually getting? After working eight hours and working out for another hour and then running some errands, you come home, have dinner, walk the dog, help out with cleaning up or housework, watch some tv and then go to bed so you scroll through blogs, Facebook or put on a podcast as you lie in bed.  By the time you actually fall asleep, it’s after midnight and then you’re up at 6:00 a.m. the next morning to do it all again! The only difference is on weekends when you can work out longer, run more errands for you and the family, read more blogs, Facebook or plug in more podcasts and stay up later because you don’t have to work on Sunday, unless you do bring work home so you get to schedule that into your weekend too!

All of this is stressful. We think we’re getting enough rest and relaxation when we do things like work out or walk the dog or scroll through Facebook, and for some of us, that may be true. If walking the dog is something you enjoy and you can relax while doing it, then don’t stop doing it.  The same thing with hobbies: if this is time that you have set aside for yourself and your own enjoyment, that really is awesome, but the real test is when you get up in the morning or sit down at the end of the night.  If you wake up to your alarm and feel as tired or achy or grumpy as you did the night before, you are not getting enough rest and recovery time. If you sit down to watch tv at night or lie in bed scrolling through your device and find yourself nodding off, then you are overscheduled and stressed out.  The same thing with weekends: if you sit down for ten minutes and fall asleep- bingo!! Not getting enough sleep! And FYI: the answer to not getting enough sleep isn’t more caffeine!

When we decide we want to be healthier, right along with advice like “eating right” is the advice about “be more active”. That really is good advice, but we only read those two and seem to miss the “get more sleep” and “manage stress” advice.  Part of this is a cultural work ethic and part of this is just that ‘more is better’ attitude again. We think being more active means getting more things done in the day, especially since we need to cram in the time for the blogs, the podcasts, the workouts, the healthy grocery shopping and everything else that we already had scheduled in our day.  ‘Being more active’ has very little to do with ‘getting things done.’  I can sit at my computer typing pleadings and correspondence all day long and while I may get a whole lot of documents done, it also means I’m sitting on my butt not being active. The same goes with listening to podcasts or reading blogs.  Unless I’m doing that on a treadmill or on bike, I am not being active although I might be ‘getting things done.’ Sometimes we have to be a little creative when it comes to getting things done and being more active, but it also means not scheduling ourselves to death. For me, this means listening to podcasts in the car while I am driving to work: as long as I’m stuck sitting on my butt, why not get something done that I can do sitting down? As for being more active, when I make time in my week for working out, that means I have to look at anything else I’ve scheduled in my week and choosing either to move activities or discontinue them completely because there is a finite amount of time in our days and weeks! We can’t do everything: we need to be selective with our time.

Part of this time and stress management means I set an alarm on my phone to go to bed.  While this sounds a little silly (an adult with a bedtime like a five year old?), it means that when I wake up in the morning, I’m not a grumpy old b*tch.  Silly as it seems, setting a bedtime and keeping it has had major and positive impact on my stress and my health.  I am about as close to a vampire as you can get without burning up in the sun and going to bed at 10:00 p.m. is about the same as other people going to bed in the middle of the day.  However, reluctant though I am to keep my regular bedtime, I notice that when I do, I wake up before the alarm goes off and, while I’m never happy about getting up in the morning, I am not exhausted and snapping at the pets. It also means that if I’m feeling tired at 9:00 p.m., I don’t stay up unless I’m working on something.  “Working on something” doesn’t mean posting online or reading a book or blog and definitely not watching tv.  It means things like finishing the dishes or changing the cats’ litter box- stuff that really can’t wait until tomorrow (unless it has to)!

Getting enough rest and stress management are actually two separate ideas.  If you are not getting enough rest, your body will feel the stress even if you think you don’t.  Being chronically sleep deprived is a stressor on the body and the mind.  All those ‘senior moments’ you have are probably stress and sleep related. You know you can’t think clearly when you’re tired but when you’re chronically tired, you begin to think being a little fuzzy minded is normal.  For those of us who wear glasses, we don’t realize how much our vision has changed until we visit the optometrist and she tries out new lenses on us- wow! Talk about clear! For those of you who don’t wear glasses, next time you’re at the drug store, try looking through the reading glasses while you’re there, then once you take them off, you’ll understand. The same thing happens when we’re always tired, always a little fuzzy and always a step or two behind.  It’s not because we’re getting older- it’s because we’re not getting enough sleep!

The same thing happens when we’re always stressed. Remember what I said above about snapping at my pets? Remember when your kid asked you something and snapped at her? It might have been something simple like going over to a friends or watching something on the living room tv, but you bit her head off.  We have a finite amount of patience, too.  We’d like to think it’s limitless but the more we go through in a day, the less patience we have when we get home and unfortunately, the ones waiting for us at home who have to deal with the leftover bits of patience we’ve got are the ones we love the most.  We snap and grumble and huff at them when they want to spend time with us and they don’t deserve that. This is especially bad when we bring work home with us.  Some of us are lucky enough to leave the job at the office, but we can still bring home the worry and the stress. I’ve heard of people who designate the first thirty minutes or more at home as ‘unwind’ time.  That means let mom or dad change clothes, take a shower, lay down, whatever before asking questions or cornering them over something. For me, that ‘unwind’ time (odd as it seems) is my drive home. This is when I will call friends on my Bluetooth, put on an audiobook or play list or just drive in silence. This is my time and even though it’s spent in traffic, I get very grumpy when people call to bug me during my drive time!

If walking the dog is your unwind time, don’t stop doing it and it might be a good idea to let others know that when they interrupt you while you’re walking Max, it is not a good thing! If you don’t have some time or ritual set aside to de-stress, set up something and let your family and friends know that this is your time for yourself and it needs to have a permanent home in your schedule. It’s like getting enough sleep: when you wake up not hating your day, the more you can not only enjoy it but the more productive you can be overall.  When you don’t manage your stress, it spreads into the rest of your life and wears away at things you used to love. You end up not sleeping well, not enjoying your job and either not enjoying time with your loved ones or being too tired to enjoy it.  What’s the point in eating right and working out if you’re too tired and stressed to enjoy the life your working so hard to achieve?  News flash: even if you are eating right and working out, it all gets cancelled out by being overtired and overstressed.  Remember: more is NOT better!





The Excuse Beat-Down: Weight Loss & Fighting the Good Fight

There’s always a reason not to exercise, just like there’s always a reason to put off dieting for another week or month or until after a certain date.  If you are looking for a reason ‘not to,’ they are everywhere. As my grandpa would say, you can’t turn around without tripping over one!  What we don’t see– what’s not so obvious- are the thousands of reasons for doing the opposite.  There are just as many better reasons to lose the weight, to exercise, and to eat healthier.  We don’t see them because we aren’t looking for them: we’re too busy looking for the excuses! In some ways these reasons to be healthy are far more obvious and far more important, but we tend to sweep them to the wayside because…….. because…………….ummmm, what’s my reason for not doing this again?

Let’s see: last time it was because it was raining and you didn’t want to get wet coming out of the gym, and the time before that you’d had a long day and hadn’t eaten all day which gave you a headache and the time before that it was the office Christmas party and you love gingerbread cookies.  And that’s only a sampling of the reasons for not going to the gym or eating healthier. If you actually wrote them all down every time you bailed on your attempts to improve your health, you’d probably feel pretty foolish.  I know I do when I write them down in my food & activity journal.  They look like lame excuses because they are lame excuses!

Now compare those lame reasons for bailing with the reasons for being healthier: you got kids? Bingo! Reason No. 1! Got a spouse/ partner? Bingo! Reason No. 2! How about anyone who depends on you? Yep- Reason No. 3! Those are just the obvious ones. Then there’s the other more personal reasons, like your painful knees/ feet/ back, your imminent diabetes, your high blood pressure, the way you huff and puff like a train struggling uphill whenever you climb stairs or walk across the parking lot, the way the buttons strain on your shirt/ blouse and the jacket you can’t zip anymore. Those are pretty obvious too, but the fact is that we ignore them like we ignore the fact that we can’t play with our kids because we aren’t healthy enough and how we can’t walk the dog because we have to stop more than he does (and it’s not to mark a tree!)

We ignore the important reasons to change because change is unpleasant and difficult work.  Big non-surprise there! We like eating burgers and fries; we like laying around on the sofa bingeing This is Us; we like eating popcorn and cheesecake and not exercising because, really, who likes getting all sweaty and having sore muscles? Yes, we know that we should eat better, we know we could be more active but it falls in the Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda category of all those things we know we should do or could do or would do if circumstances ever gelled correctly. Kind of like winning the lottery: I should put more money in my 401k but if I win the lottery……

Eating better and being healthier is probably in the top ten on our list of Things To Do When I Get The Time, closely followed by things like paint the house, landscape the yard, and organize my retirement portfolio, so our odds of getting to it are sometime between “before we die” and “never.” Unfortunately, since we aren’t eating better, being more active and becoming healthier, our odds of dying sooner than we think we will are getting better and better every day.  That light you see at the end of the tunnel isn’t the rosy glow of a long retirement tooling around the Southwest in your RV with your spouse; it’s the train bearing down on you carrying a lifetime of donuts, frappuccinos and laying around on the sofa.

Am I being just a little heavy handed here? GOOD!! Take a look at those kids of yours running around the backyard. Some day they’re probably going to get married and have kids of their own and you may not be around to see that because you like potato chips and waffles more than you like spinach and taking a walk during your lunch! Imagine the love of your life cruising through the sunny Southwest with someone else because you’re too busy doing anything else to swim a few laps every week and say no to the seconds on the apple fritters! This is what it comes down to: if you aren’t investing in your own health, you are throwing away your future.  We see all the financial planning advertisements for our retirement accounts: imagine saving for a great retirement only to have your spouse spend it with someone else. Stings a bit, yes? Think it won’t happen to you? Think again! It happened to one of my mom’s longtime coworkers: she worked all the extra shifts, carried a few extra pounds and had stress levels out the roof and within a year of her retirement, she had a massive stroke which eventually killed her and that huge retirement portfolio she’d worked so hard to build? Her husband took his new girlfriend on a trip to Europe!  It also happened to the husband of our bookkeeper at my last job: within a few months of retirement, he developed a serious health problem and died a few weeks after their return from Italy.  His wife (my coworker) was grateful he’d been healthy enough to make the trip they’d always dreamed of taking, but now she’s spending her retirement alone.

Is there anything more important than investing in a long healthy life? One of the commercials I’ve been seeing lately compares your body to your car: “imagine you could have any car you wanted but it would be the only car you ever have in your entire life…” I think the ad is for a DNA service but the idea behind it is a sound one: many of us take better care of our cars than we do our own bodies! We drive past the ‘cheap gas’ because it makes your engine knock or you don’t get good mileage, but after putting in the premium gas, we’ll walk into the micro-mart to get a soda, a bag of chips and a candy bar.  Really?? Your car is too important for ‘junk food’ but your own body isn’t?  You’ll make time to get the tires rotated but you can’t make time for a walk or a swim? News flash, people: when your car needs a new fuel pump, your mechanic can get one installed in a couple of days, but if your body needs a new heart (or any other organ), you could literally die waiting for that order to come in!  And frankly, some of our parts aren’t replaceable!

I really don’t mean to be a scary, depressing b*tch about this, but eating better and taking better care of yourself really isn’t a major chore. It’s a series of simple little things that can be fun, and in the long run provide you with a longer healthier life.  It really is things as simple as saying no to potato chips most of the time or no to a second frappuccino or even just taking a walk every other day or running around the park with your kids a couple of times a week. Doing as much as you can do just to eat better, healthier, whole foods and taking some time to be more active can do wonders for your health.  Walking the dog every day doesn’t have to be a chore: it can be a relaxing walk in the fresh air and if you go with your kids or spouse, it’s family time, relaxation and exercise- all of which are good for your mind and body! Make dinner time family time too by taking the time to prepare the meal together, even if all the kids can do is set the table or toss the salad.  It can even be something as simple as turning off the tv and devices at a certain time in the evening and spending some time relaxing with your spouse/ partner or even just getting more sleep! Improving your health can truly improve the quality of your life as well as the length.  After all, when you’re strolling through Paris with the love of your life, would you rather have them holding your hand or pushing your wheelchair?






















Source & Resource: Getting Started Getting Fit & Losing Weight

We’ve all heard the expression “consider the source!” Usually we think of this when it comes to someone complaining or ‘having issues’ with something or someone, but when it comes to your health, it is extremely important!

This is the time of year when weight loss gizmos and potions go into high gear, along with all those other gadgets “guaranteed to give you a rock-hard six-pack in fifteen minutes a day!”  This is when you need to consider the source before you buy anything! This goes for any kind of gadget or machinery and especially any kind of potion, pill or weight loss plan.  Some of these can hurt you or make you ill!

I don’t mean to be a scare-monger, but trying out some equipment that you saw on a tv commercial when you’ve never or seldom used any kind of workout equipment can be tricky.  You can pull or tear a muscle or ligament; in other words, you can end up seriously injuring yourself. The same goes for trying some kind of weight loss pill that’s guaranteed to make you ‘burn body fat’ without really changing what you’re eating.  I know giving up brownies and popcorn and soda can really be hard and a major pain in the butt, but eating healthier and getting fit isn’t about the rock-hard six-pack (okay, it’s about more than just the six-pack): it’s about you actually being healthier and stronger! That means being more active and eating nourishing food, and that means work! It also means not depending on a ‘magic pill’ to get you there!

Most of these gizmos and super diet pills have great testimonials from ‘actual customers’ who swear that whatever it is they’re using was the only thing that helped them lose weight or get that awesome body.  They may not tell you that they were using the item for sale in addition to something else, like a diet plan or a workout schedule or trainer.  In small print, most of these items have some kind of disclaimer (“results not typical”) or some other advisory, like a diet plan or workout schedule.

Obviously, when it comes to source material, tv is not your best option.  I know it’s fun to think you can get great abs by ‘twisting’ the muffin top away on a mini surf board, but seriously, you need to be serious when it comes to exercise and eating healthy.  Your doctor may also not be your best bet, although talking to him or her might not be a bad idea.  The only reason I hesitate referring you to your physician is because unless he or she has done more research into nutrition, most doctors have grand total of 24 hours or less in nutrition.  In class time, that’s about one hour, five days a week for a month- less than a semester! So unless your doctor is really into eating well and nutrition (some are), then you should look into other options.  If he or she is willing to give you a referral to nutritionist or anther specialist, go for it! If not, then heading to the book store isn’t a bad idea.  Google isn’t a bad place to start, but before you jump whole-heartedly into whatever happens to be trending (right now it’s keto), go to a library or bookstore and take a look at the actual books that advocate whatever eating plan you’re looking for.  FYI: if you have a kindle or kindle app, you can usually download the first few chapters of a book as a sample for free!

It’s also not a bad idea to look at more than one book even if it’s the same eating plan.  There’s about a hundred books on the Paleo diet, the keto diet, Whole Foods/ Whole 30 and others.  Take a look at what they have to say; you want something that will work with you and your personality.  Many of these authors also have websites designed to help you out and some of these authors are very accessible via email.  Just remember that just because something is popular and works for all your friends and family does not mean that it’s right for you!  My mom loved Jenny Craig, had boiled eggs every day and lost weight, although she put it back on every time.  No offense, Jenny, but your food and your diet plan grossed me out (I prepared all my mom’s food).

You need to remember to choose something that you think you can stick with for the long term.  Healthy eating should not have an expiration date; the same for working out. If you are going from eating the Standard American Diet full of processed foods or lots of quick processed grains (breads, cereals, etc), then jumping into something a little more extreme like keto or even Paleo might be a bigger jump than you think.  Take a look at some books that offer a more gradual transition, like Wired to Eat (Robb Wolf), The Keto Reset Diet (Mark Sisson), Always Hungry? (David Ludwig) or even The Whole 30 (Melissa Hartwig). If none of these speak to you, they have many other books as well as many other authors covering similar eating plans.

Don’t forget that choosing an eating plan and/ or book doesn’t mean that you’ve permanently signed up for that plan. I know a lot of people from MFP (My Fitness Pal) who have tried to stick with a keto or low carb eating plan and no matter how hard they try, it’s still very hard and frustrating for them.  Sometimes they end up giving up on losing weight and if they don’t, they usually raise their carb intake, which is a better option in my opinion than giving up.  Not everyone can eat the same.  The goal is finding something that works for you long term.  Like my mom’s example above, unless you’re going to keep eating Jenny Craig and boiled eggs forever, you’re going to put the weight back on.  The point is to change your eating habits to a healthier diet than what you ate before and to make this change gradually.  Once you’ve adjusted to that healthy change, then if you think you can make more progress, then do it! This is the kind of transition Mark Sisson and Robb Wolf and others advocate: something sustainable long term.

Not to sound like a commercial, but one of the best resources I found was Elizabeth Benton’s Primal Potential website and podcast.  FYI: I learned about her from My Fitness Pal, another great resource! (It’s like fitness oriented Facebook.) Elizabeth has a lot of free information on her website in addition to her podcast and her philosophy is pretty much what I’ve said here already: we are all different so do what works for you! She’s easily accessible via email and has paid coaching programs available, although most of what she offers is free. She has some great advice she calls The Golden Rules of Carbs & Fat Loss. This January 2018 she also has free workshops available to help participants structure a workable sustainable weight loss plan for the new year.  All the registration information is available at her website. (I signed up for one!) Even if you don’t opt for a workshop, she is a great resource (she has a degree in nutrition and lost almost 150 lbs herself!)

Whatever eating or exercise plan you decide on, you need to consider the source and who is recommending it to you.  Again, if you’ve been sedentary for the last few years, jumping into a Beach Body workout video can be painful! But if you think that a plan might work for you, do some research and see what options are available.  You don’t have to go cold turkey and give up bread or meat all at once if that’s too hard for you.  When I decided to go Paleo, I did it in stages, giving up one or two things a month until I made the adjustment. I didn’t worry about ‘doing it fast’ because this is how I want to eat for the rest of my life. Eating this way makes me feel healthier and better overall, and I’ve discovered that I really enjoy what I eat (not making me feel cruddy is a bonus!) If the eating style you’ve chosen isn’t working for you, then change it, (it’s not a catastrophe!) but if it is working then stick with it!  FYI: I encountered some resistance from family members when I made this change, but in the end, we all have to do what’s best for us, even if others don’t like it.  What changed their minds was how much better I felt, how much weight I lost and how much more I was able to do.  There’s just no arguing with success!


Building A Solid Road for Weight Loss: The Bottom Layers Count

One of the alleged perks of being an English Major is that literature isn’t created in a vacuum, which was my see-through excuse for minoring in history. Basically, people write about what they know and what happens around them. For those of you rolling your eyes, I’m volunteering Jonathan Swift and Lewis Carroll. Both of their most famous works (Gulliver’s Travels and Alice in Wonderland, respectively) are brilliant satires on the England of their time. 

The beauty- and flaw- of this interconnection is that it lends real depth and strength to the stories, which is why we remember the mini Lilliputians and the Red Queen shouting “off with their heads!”  The flaw is that the stories are strong enough to stand on their own and no one remembers why the Lilliputians are so little and why the Queen wants to behead everyone. 

So what does a didactic Queen Victoria and petty self-absorbed 18th century Englishmen have to do with weight loss? One word: foundation. Actually one adjective and one noun: strong foundation. When we build a strong foundation for weight loss, or rather a healthy lifestyle, the healthy lifestyle will eventually stand strong on its own. The sum becomes greater than its parts. We don’t need to know the ins and outs of the history behind Swift & Carroll to enjoy the stories on their own. Usually only nerds like me care about the history; the rest of the world just likes the story. 

Since literature is rather ephemeral,the history geek in me is going to give you a more concrete example: the Appian Way, or virtually any Roman road. The Romans understood- probably better than any other culture- that if you’re going to build something, you should build it to last. All across the former Roman Empire, the modern civilizations currently living there are still using the roads, aqueducts and bridges (among other things) built by the Romans a couple thousand years ago. The solid foundations of those ancient roads still hold up better than modern creations, putting up not only with 2000 years of traffic but also continuing to withstand our modern trucks, buses and cars. One of the major frustrations of modern engineers is- again- the Why behind the strength in the Roman roads. Why do they last when something “modern and sophisticated” collapses after some rain and a couple decades of use? The secret is literally the concrete in the foundation. Roman concrete and the foundation of the road is why they last. It’s the bottom layers that no one sees and everyone forgets that give them their staying power. 

So when we go to build our healthy lifestyle to eat better, be more active and lose weight, we tend to focus more on the superstructure than the foundation: we want something that “looks dramatic” rather than the mundane stuff no one notices. Example: we decide to do a 21 Day Detox or a 6 Week Keto Reset or a Five Day Fast rather than something ‘dull’ like tracking for 14 days. Why is tracking so important? Simply put: we can’t measure what we don’t monitor. How can we improve our diet if we don’t know what our diet really is? We might think that we’re ‘eating clean,’ ‘eating high protein,’or that we’re ‘eating less,’ but studies show we really do have selective memory. We may remember “breakfast, lunch and dinner,” but forget we snacked on the peppermint patties after lunch or the latte we had after breakfast or the peanuts we got on the way home from work. Likewise finishing the last slice of pizza in the fridge after dinner or the marshmallows and hot chocolate while watching tv. Those little memory lapses add up over time and eventually tip the scales, literally. Until we know what and how much and how often we eat and drink, we can’t measure any healthy progress or make real healthy changes. It’s not glamorous or exciting, but it’s a solid foundation for positive changes. Once we know what we’re eating, we can begin making real changes and even more importantly, we’ll know what works and what doesn’t. This last simple truth is priceless. Example: if you think you’re eating low carb but “don’t count” the peanuts you have several times a week after lunch, you may not be as low carb as you think, and if you’re trying to get into ketosis, those peanuts might be getting in your way. Or it might not be the peanuts: it may be your ‘few times a week’ latte or the combination of the three times a week latte and the handful of peanuts each afternoon at the office. We might think of these as ‘occasional indulgences,’ but how ‘occasional’ are they really? You’d know if you tracked. 

The same is true if you’re trying to improve your insulin resistance: the longer you go between meals, ie fasting, the better it is for your insulin, but if you’re not tracking, you may not realize that “supposed sugarless, calorie-free” snack you’re eating multiple times a week is what’s getting in your way. If you’ve changed everything else and it’s still not working, that snack may be the culprit, but again if you’re not tracking, that snack might keep sneaking by. 

Most people don’t like to track because they don’t want to measure or walk around with a notebook to write things down. It doesn’t have to be that complicated. Personally I like a paper journal because I keep other notes in it, like my mood or any pain (arthritis aggravated by grains), or just simple things like sleep quality. Most of us don’t realize we’re walking around with mini computers in our hands all day long. Tracking can be putting down what we eat in our notes app, downloading a tracking app like MFP (My Fitness Pal) or Fitbit (especially if we have a tracker), or something as simple as taking a pic of everything we eat! It can be as complex or as easy as you want, as long as it works for you, but until we have a clear picture of our bottom line, anything we try to build on top of that is off to a shaky start! 

Burdens, Blessings, Obstacles and Opportunities: Using Them to Your Best Advantage in Weight Loss

I know from experience that when most of us begin making healthy changes to our lifestyles, or even just start planning on these changes, we are met right away with burdens and obstacles.  It’s like the world, Fate or the Universe is plotting to keep us fat and unhealthy!  Even though we know that’s not the truth, there’s a lot of days when it sure feels like it!

Then there’s just the whole matter of logistics: family members, work schedules, school schedules, and every day annoyances like meetings, luncheons, conferences, traffic and the always popular seasonal parties.  How do we integrate our plan for healthy choices in the middle of all we have going on? Most of us try to work it in for a few days or a few weeks and then collapse under the burden of all our obstacles.  “There’s just too much getting in the way!”  Sometimes, the Universe wins despite all our best plans!  The tricks I’ve found are: 1) not to be discouraged; and 2) how to turn a ‘burden’ into a ‘blessing.’

I am certainly no philosopher or theologian, but through my reading and my Liberal Arts education, I’ve learned a few things.  One of the books I had to read in college was the Teachings of Chuang Tzu, a 3rd Century Taoist philosopher.  It’s definitely what I refer to as a ‘sponge book,’ meaning when you read a parable, it probably won’t make sense to you right away- you have to let it soak in.  Gradually, you begin to understand the meaning.  It’s a difficult philosophy to get through and unfortunately, our professor began his course (Humanities) with that book.  Our class went from about 50 to about 20 in a few short weeks.  But the overall gist of his teachings on the Tao is, in my opinion, not that different from Stoicism (the Greco-Roman philosophy with the capital S) or Zen Buddhism: we are all part of the One and until we learn to accept that, we will always be unhappy.

That doesn’t mean that we just have to accept that we will always be fat, unhappy and unhealthy.  It means we have to find ways to make what looks like a burden or an obstacle be a blessing to us instead.  Believe me, I am certainly not one of those happy little “turn that frown upside down” perky people!  Most of my Disney stuff has either Grumpy, Eeyore or Donald Duck on it- not the happy campers! But, basically, if sh*t happens, I can either wallow in it, or find a way out of it (this is Trick #2). Example: I commute 2 hours every morning and every evening five days a week.  Essentially, all those fitness gurus who say “move every hour” are wasting their breath on me during my commute because I’ve got at least 20 hours a week on my butt in my car.  I can either use that as an obstacle or an excuse not to exercise or lose weight, or I can find a way to use it to my advantage.  So, all those podcasts that I listen to? You got it- in the car either on the way to work or on the way home! The same with audiobooks or just to de-stress either by listening to a favorite playlist or using my Bluetooth to catch up with friends.  And yes, I realize the irony of de-stressing while stuck in traffic.  That’s the other trick: traffic, like sh*t, happens! I can either freak out about it or just accept it as part of life! My current boss is pretty sanguine about it- I am usually more irritated by being late than he is, but either way, my freaking out isn’t going to change the flow of traffic and all it’s going to do is raise my anxiety and blood pressure.

If you listen to someone like Chuang Tzu, when we have something that looks like a burden or an obstacle, changing our perspective changes the obstacle itself.  Many of my friends groan when they think of my commute, but to me, it’s an opportunity.  Seriously, without being ‘trapped in the car for so many hours,’ when would I find the time to listen to podcasts and audiobooks?  I’d have to find it somewhere else in my week! This situation is perfect for it! Not a lot else that I can do in the car but listen!

The same is true for one of the most common complaints I hear: ‘no one else in my family wants to eat healthy!’ Awesome!! Seriously, when we live alone like me, I don’t have any of those temptations in my house unless I bring them in. Don’t want them tempting you? Don’t buy them! Then we go out to a conference and there are those evil bagels daring me not to eat them! It’s hard, because I don’t face that temptation at home.  When you are constantly looking at your kids’ chips or spouse’s ice cream or garlic bread, then you get used to seeing all the foods that aren’t on your healthy diet and even more important, you get used to not-eating them! Their siren song of “eat me!” fades away because you have stopped listening to it- you are stronger than the garlic bread, ice cream, chips or bagels.  The key of course is not-eating them, which does take some strength to start out, just like it takes some strength for me not to put them in my cart at the store (“I can have one and give the rest to my dad/ sister/ friends”- riiiight!! Not happening!!) The trick is to look at this obstacle as practice.  If you face these temptations every day at home, the pizza at the work luncheon is no match for you!

The other trick is not getting discouraged when you either give in to temptation or something gets in the way of your success.  In other words, those times when the Universe wins.  In my case, the Universe won recently: I usually have a water aerobics class on Mondays and I got stuck on Sunday (my prep day) helping my mom, so I planned on going grocery shopping after my Monday class.  Those were my best-laid plans upon which the Universe wrought its usual havoc. I ended up working an hour and a half later than usual, due to delays at court and with clients, so I figured I’d missed my workout class, but then thanks to traffic (yay?), I ended up getting home even later still: those two hours took three and grocery shopping at 7:30 p.m. was really not appealing.  I opted for the healthiest fast food I could get: grilled chicken and coleslaw- yay…. The trick is that yes, the Universe won on Monday, but Monday is one day.  It’s not the rest of my life! (at least I hope not!)  The key is to make more healthy decisions that unhealthy ones.  One bad day or one bad week should not be the end of your healthy plan! I didn’t get to be 438 lbs by eating one bad fast food dinner at Jack in the Box; it was a pattern of bad choices that built upon itself and resulted in my being miserably unhealthy.  My choices are give up and be unhealthy and unhappy and fat, or keep the faith and try for better.  Even when the Universe wins.  Even when it feels like the deck is stacked against me (hey, 438?!?)  Even if it’s just as simple as taking a seeming failure (“I had biscuits with my chicken and coleslaw! Ugh!”) and using it as a teaching tool for you not to do it again (those stomach cramps during the night? think it was from the flour in the biscuits?? Hello!!)

There are a lot of Motivational Gurus who like to use phrases like “be the captain of your destiny” to encourage you to ‘be in control.’  While I think it’s really motivational, I also think it’s setting you up for a big fall.  A lot of ‘your destiny’ has to do with things that happen around you and to you.  A big part of my outlook and my weight loss success is accepting there are things in my life that are in my control and as for everything else, all I can do is control my reaction.  Like Monday, when I realized I was not going to get off work in time to make my class, when I realized I was stuck in traffic and was getting home way later than I thought- I could have gotten angry, I could have had a tantrum and what would I have gained by that? Just stress and anxiety! I’ve got enough of both of those in my life and I sure don’t need to make any more for myself! It happened, so I made the best I could out of my situation (although I did get a bit snippy at the car in the drive thru ahead of me at 7:30! And that didn’t get me anything either!)

Seriously, it’s taken me a really really long time (like forty-plus years!) to realize that not getting angry at the Universe is an option and it’s not admitting defeat.  It’s simply changing strategies.  There’s an obstacle in your way? Go around it! I can gripe and whine and b*tch about spending 20 hours a week in the car and it won’t change my situation; it’ll just make me tense and upset and angry. What can I do that’s productive while I’m in the car? I can listen to something informative or enjoyable- problem solved! It’s not an obstacle anymore; I made it an opportunity instead!








The Weight of Self-Worth

A friend of mine on MFP (My Fitness Pal) recently posted about “Plus Size Day.” Apparently it’s a day to celebrate being “plus-sized.”  In his post, he mentioned a parade full of larger people and how the news snippets were full of larger women making nasty comments about skinny people.  He concluded his post about how this day is to promote being the best You you can be, whatever your size, and he voiced his own concerns that maybe the best You doesn’t carry an extra 100 lbs.

While I realize he was just putting his opinion out there, this is the attitude I have lived with all my life. I’ve been overweight all my life and I’ve heard all the comments, from sad & pitying, to nasty & snide, to the passive aggressive- all of them.  Most of them now I just ignore: ignorant people will continue to be ignorant no matter what I tell them, but occasionally, they still make me mad. I understand why some of those larger women are angry: like me, they’ve spent their entire lives being told there is something wrong with them; they are somehow broken/ substandard/ a failure; or they are just flat out ugly. They don’t meet some arbitrary social standard of what is ‘pretty’ or ‘acceptable.’

People might think that thin has always been pretty but there was a time when plump and curvy was the standard for pretty.  Having curves, wide hips and an ample bosom meant you were prime for bearing children and survival.  Thin meant poverty, possible miscarriage and malnutrition.  When the most important thing a woman could bring to a marriage was her ability to produce offspring, choosing thin meant betting long odds, whereas plump was almost a sure thing. (For men, plump meant being a successful  provider.)

Obviously those days are long past, but the idea of beauty being relative hasn’t changed.  Every February, the media is full of biologists’ reports about the ‘biological recipe for attraction,’ and how some physical attributes or gestures cue us on a biological or subconscious level that someone is a potential mate or is attracted to us.  Whatever science and biology may dictate, attractiveness is still defined by the individual.  We still bring our own personal values to the table, and these include our values about ourselves.

In one respect those old platitudes are correct: if we don’t value and respect ourselves, no one else will either.  When we look at ourselves and see someone who is disgusting, unworthy, ugly, stupid or hopeless, it shows.  We communicate those ideas and attitudes to others, and worse yet, they are reflected back to us by them and over time, those beliefs become firmly entrenched in our psyche.  We are unworthy and unlovable and we have nothing of value to offer anyone else.  Whether those ideas start in ourselves and come back to us or come from outside and become part of us is irrelevant.  If we believe it, it becomes our truth. 

This is what I and almost every overweight person has been told for as long as they have been overweight.  Most of you reading this have been on the receiving end of a lot of free advice about how to lose weight; unsolicited attempts at ‘motivating’ you to lose weight; plenty of incentives to be thinner; and more than a few nasty comments about being a glutton, including the not-so-subtle implications that gluttony is a mortal sin and my being fat is sending me to Hell (thank you, Catholic school!) As a kid, I got them all the free and supposedly helpful advice about how to ‘fix’ what’s wrong with me; what I didn’t get was the idea that I’m fine just the way I am. When I was a kid, I probably carried an extra 20 lbs through middle school but the more people tried to ‘fix’ me, the more weight I gained, so by the time I hit high school, I was probably close to 200 lbs if not there already, and I kept slowly gaining weight. By the time I hit college, I was definitely over 250 and heading towards 300.

And the bigger I got, the more I heard about how flawed and unacceptable I was. My mom (the chief proponent of this attitude) pretty much gave up on me at that point.  Whatever was wrong with me, she wasn’t going to waste her time trying to fix me.  But I still got lots of criticism from the rest of society, because by then, I wasn’t just ‘plump and curvy’; I was certifiably FAT! I was the definition of ugly; of lazy; of gluttony. I had no redeeming values at all, because I was defined by my weight.  Whatever my mind or spirit might have to offer is completely negated by my fat body.

This idea that who I am is defined by how much weight I carry and what I look like eventually completely p*ssed me off.  Someone else was determining my value based entirely on what he or she saw, rather than who I actually was.  I was repeatedly being told by my professors and administrators and -yes, the same society that was condemning me- that it is flat out wrong to judge someone by their ethnicity, sexuality, religion, or physical capabilities, but it’s totally okay to call me a loser because of my weight! How stupid is that? Everyone is to be judged on the content of their character, except for that fat chick over there- she’s worthless because she weighs 300 lbs.

This is why I stopped listening to other people’s opinions of me and my weight.  It’s why when my mom decided to try and ‘fix’ me again (after my sister stopped talking to her), I pretty much ignored her attempts.  I would come home and find diet books left on my doorstep followed by a voicemail asking if I got the book she left: I just stacked them in a corner, and over the years, the stack got taller and taller, and dustier and dustier.  While I realize that part of her motivation was my slowly declining health, her attempts at ‘fixing’ me were accompanied by more of the same dangling incentives: I’d have all the guys I wanted; she’d buy me a brand new wardrobe; I’d be ‘gorgeous.’  Because obviously, I wasn’t attractive to anyone at my weight! (FYI: I didn’t tell her about my boyfriends because they sure didn’t share her attitude!)

I can’t lie and say I didn’t want to lose weight despite ignoring my mom’s and everyone else’s criticisms.  My desire to lose weight came not from thinking of myself as worthless, but instead came from my growing inability to do the things I wanted to do.  It’s hard to walk around and be active when you’re carrying 400 lbs.  The pain in my knees had more to do with my desire to be thinner than anything my mom had to tell me. I didn’t want to walk with a cane or end up diabetic or have to sleep with an oxygen mask because my independence was far more important to me than the opinions of strangers. While I wasn’t happy being 400 lbs, I did my best not to allow it to dictate my life any more than I allowed other’s opinions of me to do so either.  I lived my life the way I wanted to live my life.  I became the best Me I could be, whatever my size.  For the most part, I am still that same person: I do what I want, say what I want and think what I want. The only difference is that now I weigh 185 lbs less. I am the best Me I can be, despite carrying that “extra 100 lbs” my friend mentioned in his post.  Although I am still losing weight, it’s not so that I can hit my “ideal weight” or some arbitrary “goal weight” set by some doctor or BMI chart; it’s because I value my independence.  I like being able to do all the things I want to do, and I like trying new things.  Being thinner and healthier has added more valuable activities and abilities to my life, but at the same time, I also know that I am still obese. That “extra 100 lbs” is still there and strangers still judge me by my weight.  And you know what? I still don’t care. Who I am is not what I weigh, nor am I defined by what other people think of me.

Making Problems: White-Knuckling, Deadlines & Ultimatums with Weight Loss

For many years, I worked at a bankruptcy law firm aka The Job From Hell.  The job was great, but the boss was ‘Insert Expletives Here.’  One of the things I learned at that job was that most of our clients’ problems were problems they had made themselves.  I used to quip “our clients make their own problems, and they are good at what they do!”  It helped me realize that, yep! I’m also good at making my own troubles!

When it comes to fitness and weight loss- especially- we need to face this reality: most of our problems are problems we made.  Part of it really is our own manufacturing and I think part of it is problem-solving mentality.  We’ve all heard the expression “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem,” and I’d like to change that to “if you’re focusing on the problem, you’re not looking for the solution.”  I was talking to another legal assistant recently whose boss was on his way back from a cross-country flight.  Part of their practice requires that they publish legal notices and, short version, they need to pick up the court filing in one city (not where their office is) and submit it in yet another city, none of which are close to their home office, so the assistant was saying: “that will be an entire day on the road right after he’s back from his trip and he has a court appearance that morning.”  I asked him about sending a messenger. (Court runners/ messengers are an entire industry for just that very reason.)  “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea!”  The assistant was so focused on the problem that he was missing a very obvious solution (anyone not so involved would have suggested a runner.)

We do the same thing: we focus on the problem to the point that we can’t see any solutions that present themselves. Some people will do it out of a need for drama.  They like being frantic or being the center of attention: look at me! I have so many problems! Just FYI: no one gets points for being a drama queen/ king! In order to find a solution, you have to step back from Drama Mode and start looking at ways around or through the problem. Sometimes it really is hard, because the problems can cause anxiety (the cause of the drama) and it’s hard to remain objective. This is where you might want to talk to someone who isn’t emotionally invested in the problem and get some objective opinions (like my fellow legal assistant did).  Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit your problem to someone else (“Every time I fight with my mom, I eat a pint of ice cream or all the cookies or anything that’s left in the house.”) No one likes sharing dirty laundry but if you really want a solution to the problem that you are too close to, then you need to get an objective opinion from someone who is: 1) not going to point fingers; 2) not emotionally invested; 3) can offer a reasonable solution.  If your spouse is tired of listening to you complain about fighting with your mom or your eating everything in sight or is just going to tell you to ‘deal with it,’ then do not ask your spouse.  This might be one of those problems that you post on My Fitness Pal or you ask a level-headed friend about.

Then there are the Problems We Make Ourselves.  (I’m not including mom in here because ’emotional eating due to mom’ is kind of a reaction that we can learn to get a handle on once we’re feeling more confident.)  The Problems We Make Ourselves are things like white-knuckling it or creating deadlines and ultimatums. These largely come from Dieting Mentality aka tunnel-vision.  Dieting Mentality is thinking along the lines of “I just need to get to X date or X goal, and then I’m done!”  I see this a lot on My 600 lb Life, but we’ve all done it: “I only have to hang on until I lose 20 lbs and then I’m good!”  In the case of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients on the show, prior to scheduling them for weight loss surgery, he always has his patients lose a certain amount of weight to prove they can control their eating habit.  Many times the patients fall right into Dieting Mentality: I only need to control myself long enough to get the surgery and then the surgery will solve everything!  NOT SO! and Dr. Nowzaradan is the first to tell them that the surgery will only limit the amount of food they can eat at one time; they can still eat all day and still gain weight after the surgery! Dieting Mentality is pretty much the default mentality for a lot of us when it comes to losing weight or changing our eating habits.  It’s natural, and not just for weight loss.  We do the same thing when it comes to money also: I can’t buy anything until after payday, and then I can go shopping!  But weight loss, fitness or money, it’s all the same thinking and it’s that thinking that gets us into trouble with eating, going to the gym and draining the bank account.

Dieting Mentality has a deadline attached to it: this current way of eating ‘ends’ either on this date or when you reach this weight, so we just need to white-knuckle it until we ‘get there.’  This tunnel-vision thinking keeps us from looking at our situation any other way, which keeps us in the same vicious cycle: “I need to lose 20 lbs for Special Occasion, so I’m going to white-knuckle it until I reach Deadline and then I’m done!  I have to make my Goal or I’ve failed!” With Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients, it’s much more drastic, since they need to lose hundreds of pounds because their health is at serious risk, and I think it contributes to much of their Dieting Mentality, but 20 lbs or 220 lbs, when we approach weight loss, working out and better nutrition, we all tend to have the same focus on an End Point, whether a Goal Weight or a Date. We go into the process thinking that I only have to ‘be good’ until the End Point, and then I can go back to eating the way I like to eat.

Our thoughts and our focus are creating these problems.  If we don’t approach weight loss, good nutrition and fitness with a Dieting Mentality, how much easier would it be? How does not having an End Point change our thinking about losing weight, eating better and being more active? For some of us, it is pure panic: “Aack!! I have to eat like this forever?!?”  Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m telling you, and that’s why I’m also telling you- as several much more educated health professionals will also tell you- that diets don’t work for this very reason!  If you only want to lose enough weight to fit into an outfit you’re going to wear once at the aforementioned Special Occasion, then follow the diet.  But, if you want to improve your health overall by losing weight, being more active and getting better nutrition, a diet may get you there temporarily.  Staying there means sticking to the diet forever.  The problem is that most diets- as we all know- are pretty extreme, which makes them impossible to stick with long term.  This is why Dieting Mentality is the curse that keeps us trapped in the vicious cycle of constant dieting: we lose the weight, gain it back off the diet, go back on the diet, lose the weight, gain it back, ad infinitum. 

Try looking at it this way: we didn’t gain that 60 lbs because we went to Disneyland and ate all the treats or we went on that cruise and at two desserts every night.  Those probably contributed a few pounds to the 60, but the real cause of those 60 lbs on our butt and thighs is eating a bag of Cheetos during The Walking Dead each week and half a bag of Oreos during Survivor, and grabbing a donut in the break room each Friday and scrolling through Facebook and Instagram all day on the weekends. Those 60 lbs are the product of a LIFESTYLE, not an event like a Queen of the South binge with pizza and beer.  Dieting Mentality is focused on the ‘events;’ real permanent change comes with a lifestyle. If we approach weight loss, fitness and nutrition like a new lifestyle (as in smaller healthy changes that are permanent), then we don’t have to worry about white-knuckling it, deadlines or any ultimatums, because there are none!  How many of us beat ourselves up when we get emotional (as in ‘fight with mom’) and eat all the Cheez-its? (Me, raising my hand here!) Same goes for the donuts in the break room on Friday or going to a friend’s for a Game of Thrones binge with burgers and beer. We don’t have to white-knuckle it and bring our veggie coconut wrap and lime-infused water so we can ‘be good.’ (I’m also not saying eat five double cheeseburgers and finish off a six-pack!)  But if we approach this as a lifestyle of choosing healthier foods and activities that is on-going rather than an extreme race with a finish line, then we can have a burger and a beer and maybe even some chips without beating ourselves up.  We can have half a donut or even a whole one and we can enjoy a scoop of ice cream as we’re watching zombies get blown away.  The biggest problem with weight loss and good nutrition isn’t what to eat or how much to eat; it’s the problems we make ourselves by putting a deadline on it.








Perspective: Seeing the Elephant in the Room

One of the best things about being an eminently employable English major is that I come across a lot of different literature from many different cultures.  One of my favorites is “The Blind Men and the Elephant.”  It’s an Indian parable about perspectives found in Hindu, Buddhist and Jain texts, so all we really know about its origins is that it is ancient.  The story goes that six blind men learn that an elephant was brought to their village and having not experienced one before, they go to “see” the animal with their hands.  Each man touches a different part of the elephant and comes away with a different viewpoint than the others.  One feels the tusk and determines that an elephant is like a spear; another feels its tail and concludes it looks like a rope; another feels the ear and thinks it looks like a fan; another feels its leg and says it looks like a tree trunk; one feels its side and believes an elephant is like a wall; and the last touches its trunk and believes the elephant is like a snake.  From there, the story varies with the text but the point is that each is seeing only one part and one perspective of the elephant. In order to really determine what an elephant looks like, they need to see the whole creature or at least compare their findings, because each of them is correct about the part that they touched, but none of them is correct in what an elephant truly looks like.

Perspective is massively important when it comes to weight loss, health and fitness, and it’s where so many of us get in trouble.  It’s easy to lose weight if you don’t care about being healthy, and the same is true about fitness. Most of us think in terms of “losing weight” or “getting fit,” but neither of those are important if we don’t think in terms of Being Healthy (the whole elephant.)  When I was in college, I had a roommate who was also overweight.  We really commiserated over it because we both liked a lot of the same foods and we both tried being vegetarian and both of us ended up gaining weight.  I ran into her a few years after she moved out (both of us were in the pharmacy line, FYI) and I didn’t recognize her because she had lost so much weight.  Unfortunately, it was due to Type I diabetes.  Her pancreas had stopped functioning and now she was insulin dependent. She had to check her blood sugar several times a day and inject insulin before every meal to control her blood sugar. I remember her telling me she had always dreamed of losing weight, but this was not how she thought it would happen.  She was over a hundred pounds thinner than she had been when she lived with me but she certainly was not healthy.  Even worse, she was pregnant with her second child which put both her life and her baby’s at risk!

When we approach weight loss or fitness, we can’t just focus on the one aspect that we want to prioritize, otherwise we lose sight of the whole elephant. “Being thin” or “being muscular” is of no importance if you aren’t healthy also.  Some of you know that I lost an aunt in 2003 due to complications from anorexia.  She’d had a gastric bypass, which in my opinion she did not need as she barely weighed 200 lbs, but the end result was that she stopped eating, which is not an uncommon side effect of the bypass.  Ultimately, she ended up collapsing, catching an infection and dying. She was the same age as I am now, and while I’m not exactly young anymore, I have a lot to look forward to and so did she. But she had also always dreamed of being thin, and for months prior to her death, family members had been begging her to see a doctor, because it was so painfully obvious that she was not healthy or happy.  Unfortunately, no one could help her.

Some of us do the same thing with exercise: we lose sight of our overall health, which is what really matters.  We’ve all heard the stories of people who over-exercise, or eat and then work out super hard to burn off all the calories they ate.  Some of us try to “out exercise” a bad diet, but most nutritionists and doctors will tell you that 90% of weight loss comes through your food choices and the remaining 10% is your activity. Basically, you can exercise until your arms fall off but if you’re eating donuts and drinking Pepsi every morning for breakfast, you’re not going to be accomplishing much!

Most of us are in a hurry to reach our goals- I know I am! But over-training and starving ourselves isn’t the way to “get cut” and/ or “get thin.”  Drastically cutting calories and working out really really hard are stressors on the body, so our body goes into conservation mode if we stick with these practices for a long time.  We will probably lose some weight and maybe build some muscle at first, but the longer we stick with it, the more the body begins to conserve its fat stores.  This looks like it might be a famine or some kind of catastrophe: basically a lot of hard work and not a lot of calories coming in.  The body’s first priority is survival: nothing else matters if it (i.e. YOU) don’t survive another day, so it takes steps to make sure you last as long as possible.  This is why Biggest Loser ‘winners’ end up gaining weight eating 1000 calories a day: their bodies have slowed their metabolisms so much after a prolonged period of starvation and hard exercise (i.e. the tv show), that now any calories coming in over the subsistence level gets stored! The body is trying to protect itself against another catastrophe where it (the ‘winner’) drastically lost weight.

Obviously, that is not a healthy situation to be in.  I really want to lose a lot of weight and I’d really like to have more muscles, especially as I’m getting older.  I don’t want to be the helpless old lady (with the zillion cats!) but I also know that it’s going to take some time to lose weight and gain muscle in a healthy way.  That means growing long term healthy habits like eating for nutrition without starving myself and being more active without over-training or injuring myself.  Both of those mean that it’s going to take some time, since my body and metabolism are going to make slow healthy adaptations to my new lifestyle.  I need to keep my eye on the ultimate goal of Being Healthy rather than my chosen perspective of Being Thin.  As I’ve learned the hard way, being thin doesn’t count for much if you’re too sick to enjoy it.

Connected: Being Part of a Pack- er- Tribe?

I recently heard a podcast about ‘Longevity village’ in China.  This is an isolated village (or at least it used to be!) where the residents routinely live 100 years or pretty close to it.  Once researchers found out about it, they naturally had to figure out why these people were living so long and were so healthy. From what I heard, most of it was the obvious: hard physical work that keeps them mobile most of the day; getting up and going to bed with the sun; clean fresh food and water; natural optimism when it comes to stress; and strong social connections.  The strong social connections is what catches a lot of people by surprise.  What does it matter if you have a positive social network?  Being a devoted pet parent, it’s easier for me to understand than for someone who doesn’t spend 90% of their time around four legged individuals.

Some of you know I am a hard core TLC addict, and I’ve been seeing ads for a new show called The Putmans, which has yet to premiere.  It’s about an extended family all living in one home, which is about 25 people.  I grew up in an atypical family and although we didn’t all live in the same household, we regularly interacted.  If any of you have seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, my family was really similar.  There’s the scene where Tula gets busted because her cousin sees her with her boyfriend who tells her aunt who gets in her face about him.  That was pretty much how I grew up: lots of relatives who all live in the same town so we run into each other all over.  We also had a tradition of getting together on Sunday afternoon/ evenings.  We would eat dinner and spend time talking, playing games or passing around parts of the newspaper.  Usually the television would be off and any devices would be put away.  This was time we spent being together and holidays were simply to ‘all day version’ of Sunday afternoons.  These weekly get-togethers ended when my grandparents passed away (we met at their house) and they are one of the things that I miss most.  Although I still connect with my family, it’s mainly over the phone or through social media.  While the host of the podcast feels this is still a viable connection, for me, it lacks the real connection of being in the same room with them.

SinceI grew up having my family around me, it was normal to stop at a bakery or business where a relative worked.  Seeing them in stores or around town was and still is normal.  Even as a child I was very aware that this was not how it was with most of my classmates and colleagues (my grandparents lived into their 90’s, so this tradition lasted well into my 40’s).  I also came to realize that for friends and colleagues who grew up in other countries that this was very normal for them.  For them, running into a relative while shopping or having coffee with friends was just part of every day life and most of my foreign-born friends soon came to realize that most American families have a different idea of ‘family.’

I’m not criticizing anyone’s idea of ‘family,’ but having grown up with one version and now living a more ‘standardized’ version, I know which version I prefer.  I miss the connections and interactions with family, and while many of them are happy connecting through social media, I’m pretty lame when it comes to apps like Facebook or Instagram. The important aspect is the Connection.  Humans are social creatures and we don’t do well in isolation. This is what makes positive social interaction important to our health.

There is a reason that solitary confinement is a punishment, not only in prisons but also as children.  Remember all those times we misbehaved and got sent to our room?  It’s solitary confinement: if you can’t work well or play well others, then you’re going to be alone.  Across the world, cultures have traditionally used a form of isolation or ostracism to punish those who disrupt the society at large, and it tends to be successful.  Loneliness is a huge problem, even in our cyber-connected society, and it leads to a host of health problems.  As the author of The Longevity Plan pointed out, people who have strong and positive social connections live about seven years longer than those without them.

Having grown up with pets all my life, I have seen the interaction among them.  Dogs are as social as humans are and while we travel in ‘tribes’ and dogs travel in ‘packs,’ it’s all the same thing: this is my social unit.  We eat together, we sleep together, we play together and we work together.  This is how we survive. (Cats are less social, but they also strengthen their societal bonds in the same ways.) If any of you are familiar with Dr. Jane Goodall’s observations of chimps, our closest primate cousins also travel in tribes and follow the same kinds of bonding behaviors: grooming; sleeping; eating; playing; working.  We are more successful, productive and safer in our groups. A chimp, dog, cat or human is far safer in their group than on their own.

I have a very clear memory of when I began living alone, or at least being the only human in my house. It was the day my sister moved away to college: I said good bye and watched her drive away and as I walked back into the house, I realized that I was alone.  More specifically, I realized that changing the lightbulb in the garage had new implications for me: if I fell off the ladder, it could be days before anyone realized something had happened to me. This is one of the reasons ’emergency pendants’ are such big business now: more of us live alone and face the same dangers.

Falling off the ladder aside, positive social connections promote a positive outlook.  When we’re happy, we have others to share our joy and when we’re upset or angry, we have others to commiserate and share our burden. We have others to help with a project, come up with plans or even help with the physical labor. Remember the expression ‘many hands make light work’? Being alone makes everything harder, even the every day tasks most of us don’t really think about.  Living alone, if I don’t do the dishes, they sit in the sink until I do them.  The same with throwing out the trash, making a meal, doing the laundry, and the shopping and the rest of the housework.  If I don’t do it, there is no one else in my house who will.  That means all of the work falls to me, which means I have less time to pursue things I enjoy or to socialize.

Even taking care of my pets falls to the sole human in the pack (2 cats, 1 dog, 1 human).  I notice a lot of the same bonding behavior among us even though we are different species: they will all groom each other, play with each other, sleep next to each other and eat together.  As the lone biped, I am not exempt: they include me as much as they can with playing, licking and sitting on me.  When we go to sleep at night, all four of us end up in the same room and usually on the same bed. I realize that most people think it’s pretty weird to consider animals as part of a family unit, but I really grew up treating them as people (they are a Who not an It.) I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter so much what we interact with so much as the fact that we do interact.  If we feel we are connected and feel the benefits of those connections, then it doesn’t matter if the connection is with a phone, a tablet or a dog or a cat.  We benefit from knowing that we are not alone.  Recently, in fact, I was at home without my dog since I had returned from a trip on a Sunday and could not pick him up until the following day.  When I went to bed that night, I was very aware that there was no dog in my house and I didn’t feel as safe as I do when he is there (he’s all of 12 lbs!) The cats were also aware that one of our pack was missing and were looking for him in the house, which felt oddly empty without his bouncing around. I know my furry little family unit looks a lot different than most and while they may not be human, they are most definitely my tribe.