Ignorance Hurts! Weight Loss & New Ideas

One of the most painful stereotypes regarding the obese is that they are gluttons, followed hard by the second most painful stereotype: they are lazy.  Neither statement is true in most cases.  Most people who go on diets adhere closely to the program; they eat their diet food, measure their portions, say no to the cheats and treats.  They lose some weight, maybe even hit their goal, but then we all know what happens next: rebound weight gain!  They feel like failures and society for the most part believes they must have screwed up somewhere or just gone off their diet.

The truth is that, like most people, I tried very hard to lose weight.  I played sports; I tried to eat the healthy food.  My mom was always pushing one diet or another at me, and most of them were pretty awful and I never lost much weight.  Some of her plans included a fast-metabolism program, where I eliminate certain foods from my diet, drink smoothies according to the book’s recipe list, and then the following week, I make more changes to my diet to include/ eliminate more foods, and then make even more changes the next week!  This was guaranteed to jump-start my metabolism so I would burn off weight in no time at all!  Another one of her guaranteed fixes included drinking a smoothie made with an expensive powder (like $30 a pound!) and this powder would ‘bind’ to the sugar/ carbs/ whatever to keep it from being absorbed, so I would lose a lot of weight fast!  One of these diets included the questionably ‘healthy’ meal of buttered egg noodles on a regular basis.  Even as a teenager, I really didn’t think buttered noodles counted as ‘diet food’ and it didn’t take long before I stopped listening to my mom’s fad diet schemes.

However weird and wacky some of these diet plans might have been, my mom had the right idea: we need to keep learning and stay open to new ideas.  What we all thought was the ‘right answer’ when I was growing up (low fat-high carb and eat less-move more) is more than likely NOT the right answer!  We know that carbs turn into glucose in the body and that chronically high glucose leads to insulin resistance which keeps the body from metabolizing stored body fat.  Essentially, the more carbs you eat and the more often you eat them, the less body fat you burn off.  All that advice we were given about eating every two-three hours isn’t ‘jump-starting’ our metabolism but it is keeping us overweight.  The carb roller coaster is why we feel tired two hours after lunch and why that afternoon granola bar makes us feel energized.

When you open yourself up to new ideas, there’s always the danger of getting taken for a ride.  This is why if you are going to keep learning new things, you need to do your homework! I confess I am one of those who poo-poo’d the Paleo diet as one more weird freaky fad diet to be avoided, and I did it without learning anything about it.  I simply lumped into another one of those ‘flash in the pan & sell as many books as possible’ marketing schemes.  Bad, bad, bad! I should know better and I’m going to blame a cynical outlook on weight loss for my poor judgment! Before I made a snap judgment, I should have taken a look at what the Paleo/ Caveman Diet proponents were actually saying.

I’m not going to tell you that Paleo is 100% effective for everyone, because I honestly have no idea if it is.  I can tell you that after years of reading about other weird fad diets and trying a few of them that this one made the most sense to me.  The number one reason for me is that it’s a pretty basic plan: eat real whole food.  I don’t have to go looking for some expensive powder or a long list of strange smoothie ingredients, and I don’t have to drink all my food for weeks at time while doing XYZ exercises.  I simply avoid the processed foods.  Essentially, if it comes packaged in a box or a bag and has chemical gobbledygook ingredients, I should probably leave it on the shelf.

Proponents of Paleo have suggested that one of the reasons it took a long time for this way of eating (most don’t like the word ‘diet’) is that other than cookbooks and how-to books, there’s not a lot of marketing to go along with Paleo.  This is one of the failings of the Weight Loss Industry– because it is an industry!  People make money selling others like me the Hope of Losing Weight, usually in some package or some program that we have to pay for.  There are whole aisles at the grocery store full of packaged diet food, mostly full of chemicals, preservatives and other things that may not be good for us. We can lose weight eating those processed foods, usually only until we stop eating them.  This was my major question when I was losing weight on Nutrisystem: what happens when I stop eating their boxed food?  Easy! I gain weight again, because the focus is mainly on eating their food, not how I should be eating (supposedly that comes later, but I never got to that part!)

This is why Paleo works for me: it’s real whole simple food and I don’t have to buy the “Paleo” brand of food, although now there are brands like Primal Kitchen that fit the criteria, but it’s up to you if you want to buy them- you don’t need them to eat Paleo. If I want to buy some simple salad dressing instead of making it myself, I can buy it and not have to worry about it being full of canola oil, but if I want to make a simple vinaigrette, I can still do it.  The bottom line for Paleo is to keep your food as real, whole and unprocessed as possible.  Like I said, simple!

The point I’m trying to make is that if one thing doesn’t work for you, keep an open mind and keep learning about other methods that might work.  You need to give it an honest attempt (one week probably isn’t long enough) but if it’s not sustainable, you should probably cross it off your list.  A temporary fix is always and only temporary, just like all fad diets- once you stop eating their food or following their program, you’ll gain the weight back.  Paleo is no different in this way: if I were to go back to eating the processed foods I ate growing up, I would gain back the weight. What makes it work for me is that I’m still eating real food and it’s real food I like eating, like salad and spare ribs.  I feel better when I eat it instead of feeling hungry and tired after eating the fettucine alfredo.  I like what I eat, I don’t have to buy weird expensive ingredients or take handfuls of pills.  If I had done my homework about Paleo when I first heard about it, I’d probably have lost weight years before I did and no doubt saved myself some grief.  By choosing to stay ignorant and cynical, I only hurt myself.  Shame on me for being narrow-minded!

[Since learning about it, I’ve read some other great books that follow the same kind of idea: Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson; The Paleo Solution and Wired to Eat by Robb Wolf; Always Hungry? by David Ludwig, and Melissa Hartwig of Whole 30 has just come out with two new books.  All of these advocate eating unprocessed nutrient dense foods and keeping the processed ingredients to a minimum.  However you choose to eat, choose nutrition over convenience when possible and always go for unprocessed.]

Denial and Weight Loss: If You Don’t Admit It’s Broke, You Can’t Begin to Fix It!

We hear so much about denial and self help groups, it’s become cliche, which is really not a good thing.  It’s important to point it out when we see it, but at the same time, people have gotten good at denying their denial.  We get the “That’s denial!” phrase thrown at us so often, we don’t even hear it anymore or we come up with excuses for why we aren’t in denial, but there we are, still denying we have a problem, whatever that problem might be: “I’m okay, really!”

That’s what makes denial so important and so insidious.  One of the problems we regularly have at the office is our internet goes down.  It’s pretty obvious: we can’t get online so we call someone out to fix it, and it gets fixed.  That’s the easy part: the less obvious problem (at least to the boss) is that our ISP stinks! The boss doesn’t want to deal with changing providers because it’s a headache, so he puts up with spotty service. That’s where the denial comes in: by not admitting that our ISP is truly crummy, we are dealing with the recurring problem of no service at all.  Instead of fixing the real problem (crummy ISP), we are left dealing with the symptoms (no service).

One of the people I work with has serious knee problems.  She’s actually had both knees replaced and she’s having problems with recovering from the last surgery.  She’s remarked to me and her employer that she’s probably put on about “fifteen or twenty pounds” because she’s been so immobile due to the complications from her last surgery, which was last December, FYI.  I really had to bite my tongue.  She estimated her weight to be “about 265.  I just took a guess!”  I don’t know if my shock showed on my face.  In a way, I hope it did because then she might actually get on a scale to see how much she really does weigh.  I know how much I weigh; at last weigh-in a few weeks ago, I was about 255-260, and she looks like she outweighs me by about 70 lbs.  She actually looks like what I used to weigh most of my adult life: 375.

This is where most of us are when “we know we need to lose weight, but we aren’t that overweight. It’s not that bad!”  One of the phrases I hear in pretty much every episode of My 600 lb Life comes right after the patient steps on the scale for their first meeting with Dr. Nowzaradan: “I’m shocked”;  “I can’t believe I weigh this much”;  “I didn’t think it had gotten so bad”; or some variation of this. They knew they were obviously overweight but they were in denial over how out of control the situation really was.  There was one patient who refused to look at the number on the scale.  It sounds silly, but I understand it: I used to do the same thing. Every time I’d get on the scale for a check-up with my doctor, I would close my eyes so I wouldn’t see the digital readout right in front of my face.  Why? Easy! If I don’t see how much I weigh, I don’t have to admit it’s killing me and I don’t have to deal with the consequences of my eating! Yay for me! Except… it was agony living in denial.

I’m not exaggerating: it hurt to walk, to stand, to sit.  I was moving 375 lbs for most of my adult life every time I stood up, went to the grocery store, whenever I had to do anything!  For most of my life, even though I weighed so much, I was pretty mobile and there weren’t too many ‘inconveniences’ that went with my weight.  It wasn’t until I got over the 400 lb mark that it really began to take a toll, and when you gain weight at that size, you feel every pound you gain! But, if you don’t look at the number, if you don’t admit you ‘have a problem,’ you don’t have to deal with it.  It’s nothing you have to address right away.  You can ‘get by’ and deal with the symptoms rather than the real issue: your weight.

For me, these symptoms included things like high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, arthritic knees and degenerative disc disease.  Dealing with the symptoms meant taking 6 prescriptions, two for each of these!  It meant sticking my finger at least once a day to check my blood sugar; it meant it hurt still hurt to walk, sit or stand, despite the pain medication and the anti-inflammatory.  Rather than deal with the issue of my weight and my eating choices, it was easier to pop a bunch of meds and live with the pain.  Except… it really wasn’t easier.

This is why denial is killing so many of the obese and super obese and those with eating-related health problems, like diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney and heart disease.  If you don’t admit you have a problem, then you can’t take steps to fix it.  You have to look at the problem in order to address it and move forward.  Closing your eyes so you don’t see the number keeps you right where you are: doing nothing and going nowhere.  The irony was that even as I closed my eyes, I knew why I was closing them, and I still did it! I knew I was in denial over my eating choices and my ever-increasing weight, but I still thought it was easier than having to face some hard realities.

For most of us, losing weight is really really hard.  It’s hard to make changes; it’s hard to know what’s the ‘right way’ or the ‘best way.’  We feel overwhelmed and hopeless because ‘nothing works’ and sooner or later, even if we have some success, we end up pretty close to where we started.  That’s the Reality we are trying to avoid facing and we opt for denial instead.  But the truth is that is not Reality.  Yes, losing weight involves making changes and not all of those changes are easy,  but taking action is normally not as hard as we think it will be. Making small improvements can yield some significant benefits. Feeling better physically and emotionally are huge rewards to start with, and any improvement is still improvement! For me, that one simple change was I just stopped eating fast food and I lost about 40 lbs! That was my reality and it was an easy fix.  For someone else it can be as simple as not drinking soda or not eating bagels for breakfast.

But we can’t make improvements, large or small, until we come face to face with the number on the scale.  We have to open our eyes first and admit that we have a problem and that dealing only with the symptoms isn’t going to fix it.  Until we admit that there’s a problem- that something is out of control- we can’t even begin to fix anything.  As an added benefit, just taking action, no matter how small, is a morale booster.  It gives us hope and a sense of control- we are doing something and we are open to suggestions! Now if only I can get my boss to admit our ISP is a problem……

 

Standing on Your Own Feet: Supporting Yourself on Your Weight Loss Journey

This topic is something of an offshoot of my last post about giving up, having a bad attitude and making excuses.  It’s a similar idea (making excuses) but this focus is more about supporting yourself, being your own motivation and being more independent.

It would be wonderful if the people in our lives were really supportive and helpful when it came to our losing weight and being more active.  This is the kind of thing where they go on a similar diet, or don’t bring the treats into the house and cover for us so you can make it to the gym instead of running the kids to soccer practice.  Yeah, it’d be great and while we’re dreaming, how about a new Range Rover?

Most of the people in our lives try to be as supportive as they can, as long as it’s not too much of an inconvenience for them, as in they try not to bring home a lot of junk food and they will run a couple of errands for us if we want to hit the gym, but rules like “Absolutely No Sugar in the House”? That’s not going to happen! It’s not fair to force your lifestyle on everyone else in your home.  If they’re all kids, then maybe it’s an option, but it still won’t be popular, and if there are other adults, you don’t have the right to make decisions for them, in my opinion.

Just as it can be a real hassle for them not having pizza as much as they want or not having ice cream in the freezer when they get the urge, it can be a real hassle for you when they bring home the leftover danish or bagels from their meeting or holiday party. It’s also a hassle when the family wants to go out to dinner and everyone votes for the buffet or the pasta place.  You’re stuck combing through the menu or the meal choices looking for something on your healthy eating plan and of course, there’s the breadsticks on the table just begging you to have one.

This is where a lot of people just give up and have a breadstick or the pasta or sample some of the potato salad and mac & cheese at the buffet, and of course the frozen yogurt!  Then when their weight loss slows, stops or goes backwards, “my family isn’t being supportive!” Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, but it’s not their fault either.  Yes, it is much harder when you are constantly faced with temptation, but then we don’t live in a bubble either.  There’s temptation every time you stop for coffee at Starbucks, when you stop to get gas in your car, when you go grocery shopping and with the holidays, there’s always temptation in almost every breakroom or receptionist’s counter. It’d be nice to come home and not have to worry about another carbolicious sugar-filled treat staring you in the face, but again, it’s not your reality! You live with a family who likes those things and can eat them; you just have to be an independent adult and make your own decision: I am not going to eat those things right now.

Unless you are strapped to a chair being force-fed donuts and chocolates, you control what you put in your mouth, and if there isn’t a healthy option available where you are at the time, then choose not to eat!  I know it sounds weird, but it’s not.  You can always get something else later on. In fact, my boss (an attorney) was at a deposition at another office and rather than have everyone leave for lunch, the other office just had lunch brought in.  My boss opted not to eat because “they didn’t have anything I wanted,” so he stopped at one of his regular places and brought back a burrito bowl.  My boss isn’t on a diet.  He is quite active and normally eats pretty healthy.  Just because someone puts food in front of you or offers you something doesn’t mean you have to eat it.  I know it sounds harsh, but even if you are hungry and there’s nothing healthy or appealing to you readily available, it doesn’t mean you have to ‘eat something!’  One of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients, James K., was bedridden at about 800 lbs and when Dr. Now scolded him for eating the junk food his girlfriend provided him, James’ answer was “well, I gotta eat something!” Dr. Now’s rather sharp retort was “No! You don’t! You’ve got an extra 600 lbs of food on your body already!”

However supportive or unsupportive your family and friends are, it’s all up to you whether you choose to eat healthy or not, whether you choose to stay motivated or not and whether you take responsibility for your own decisions or not.  Blaming your family, friends, coworkers, or whomever for your bad eating choices, your bailing on your workouts and activity or even your poor attitude still doesn’t earn you points.  As Dr. Now points out to his patients “when things get hard, you don’t get a pass!”

It’s really hard accepting responsibility for screwing up. It’s much easier being a helpless victim: you don’t have to do anything hard if you don’t want to; it’s always someone else’s fault and someone else’s responsibility. You’re at the mercy of what your family, friends or coworkers choose.  

It’s only easier if you don’t want to make progress and you just want an excuse not to be healthier or you want to keep eating junk. Change is hard. Taking responsibility is hard. Being independent is super hard: you have to be ready to work and depend on yourself. That means if your family doesn’t want to eat healthy, you make your own food or go get it yourself. It means rescheduling your workout if something else interferes and then keeping that appointment! It’s not easy telling yourself that you can do hard things. It can really be difficult to know how or even what to do, especially if you’re used to depending on others. The good news is that the more independent you become, the easier it gets. The bad news is there will be screw ups. It’s part of the learning curve but the experience is truly priceless. So is the independence. When you stand on your own feet, you’re the one who gets to decide which way to go. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Don’t Get a Points for Giving Up: You Are the Author of Your Attitude 

When I tell people that My 600 lb Life is my version of a 12 step meeting, they usually think I’m joking. I’m not. Watching it multiple times a week (I have OnDemand) keeps me connected to my goals and it reinforces my choices. Sometimes it pretty much smacks me upside the head with my own bad behavior or gives me a heads up about where I’m headed.

Recently I was watching Erica’s story and I was reminded that not only are we the only ones who can make the decision to eat healthier, but we can make our weight loss as hard or as easy as we choose. It begins with our attitude and if our attitude sucks, it’s going to be a long hard battle and the odds are stacked against us before we ever begin.

Erica’s family (in my opinion) had a lot to do with her bad attitude. The only supportive members of her family were her mother who passed away and her niece. Her brother was fairly indifferent and her sister was a downright b*tch. Her siblings’ attitude seemed to be that “you ate your way to 661 lbs so it’s your problem. You fix it!” As far as her family was concerned, she’s an embarrassment, ‘mentally ill,’ and a failure: “She’s never succeeded before so I don’t think she’ll succeed this time.” Her dad’s response to her weight gain: “my beautiful little girl went to sleep one night and woke up Godzilla.” In one breath her sister tells her she needs to do something to get better but in the next offers her no help at all and mocks her.

When you’ve been told you’re a waste of space most of your life, it becomes ingrained in your psyche. I’ll never forget my mom telling me what a disappointment I was to her since she’d intended to retire at 50 and live off her children but that wasn’t happening! My only consolation was that my sister (the Chosen One) was also a failure in that regard.  I’ve continued to be a failure by not having children, which was probably the sanest decision I’ve made in my life (I don’t dare trust her with my dog). As a result of my mom’s attitude towards me, I spent a great part of my childhood and adolescence wondering what the hell was wrong with me. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I realized she was the problem, not me. I also realized that if it weren’t for my dad & his side of my family reinforcing the idea that I was okay and she was the one who was screwed up, I might never have come to the realization that there isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with me!

Erica unfortunately never seemed to have anyone other than her mother telling her that she wasn’t a failure and an embarrassment, and this makes her attitude one of her biggest obstacles to weight loss.  Basically, no one expects her to succeed and no one wants to help her so why should she even try if she’s already hopeless?  I think if it weren’t for her own imminent fear of dying from her obesity, she wouldn’t have tried at all.  This feeling of failure- that “I’m a waste of space and everyone would be happier if I weren’t here anymore”- is a huge stumbling block when it comes to motivation and overcoming obstacles. I know it sounds a little cheesy, but truly if you don’t believe in yourself, you aren’t going to make it!

So is it surprising that when faced her sister’s angry condescending attitude (I’m here helping you, aren’t I?!) Erica just gives up?  This is her attitude when she comes up against almost any obstacle: this is too hard; I don’t know if I can do this; some days I really just want to give up!  The fact that she succeeds as well as she does is frankly amazing to me.

The one thing her sister says that I do agree with is when she tells Erica “so you thought this would be easy?”  Changing your eating habits is way harder than people think it’s going to be.  On the surface, it looks easy: switch out the potatoes for Brussels sprouts; don’t eat ice cream; eat more healthy veggies; switch the soda for water.  It really looks as easy as changing your shirt, but when it comes down to making the changes, it’s more problematic.  A spoonful of mashed potatoes won’t hurt; a scoop of ice cream once in a while isn’t that bad; one piece of candy, one soda; I’m tired of vegetables… It’s part of a multi-layered pattern of behavior and when we change one part, we have to change another part whether we like it or not.  Sticking to the changes long enough for them to become part of the new healthy habit is the hardest part.  We like ‘end dates’ and healthy living has no end date.

This is the second biggest obstacle to changing your eating habits.  Actually making those changes is the first, but sticking to them is the second.  We feel like we’re looking down a lifetime of no more cake, no more french fries, no more crackers and see only a lifetime of steamed broccoli and chicken breast ahead of us.  It can be pretty bleak! This is where some of us will manufacture our own obstacles to get out of sticking with the healthy eating habits.  We go looking for an excuse to give up: “I couldn’t do my walking today because it’s raining outside;” “I couldn’t go to my exercise class because I got stuck in traffic;” “There weren’t any healthy options at the buffet, so I had to have the potato salad and chicken nuggets.”

I’m sure this will come as no surprise to most of us but we don’t get points or a pass for giving up. This is another place where our attitude is either our biggest ally or our biggest problem: when we truly encounter a problem, we either fight it, find a way around it or we give up.  Giving up is way easier, or at least it looks like it is. Giving up means you keep living the way you are living, with painful knees and joints, with clothes that don’t fit right, being hungry all the time, having a hard time fitting in chairs, cars, or any public seating, and generally being self-conscious whenever you are out in the public.  And if our attitude is “I’m already a failure so why should I even try since I’m just going to screw this up too?” we are not only fighting whatever obstacle we encounter, we are fighting ourselves as well.

We don’t have to be unrealistically positive in our attitude (“I can do this! I can do anything! Yay!”) but we don’t have to automatically assume we’re going to fall flat on our faces either.  Trying our best, focusing on the solution rather than the problem, and if we can’t make our goal, getting as close as we can are not failures! We do get progress points for trying our best and those points come in the form of experience, confidence and a few lessons learned for next time.

Change is damned hard, and when you’re having to fight yourself along with everything else, you’re fighting with one hand tied behind your back. You can be your best ally or your biggest problem. Haven’t we all got more than enough problems to go around without giving ourselves one more?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Building A Solid Road for Weight Loss: Mapping Your Route

As I mentioned in my last post, a solid foundation is necessary for success when it comes to a healthy living routine and weight loss.  Without a strong foundation, you’re off to a shaky start!  For some of you, this is pretty much a no-brainer and for others, it’s just a pain in the butt: it takes too much time; it’s too slow; it’s boring!

It can be all of those things, especially if the way you’re building this foundation isn’t working for you, and if it is taking too much time, then it most likely is not working for you.  But a healthy living routine- which includes weight loss- is not “one routine.” It’s an interconnected web of many habits.  Remember those layers I mentioned in the last post? Layers upon layers create a solid foundation and build a lasting successful routine.  Without that foundation, what are you really building on?

Another integral part of your healthy routine is figuring out what you want and what you want most or what you need first.  In other words, if you want to lose weight (and most of us do!), you need to figure out how you’re going to do that.  For some people, they think they can keep eating like they usually do and just add a whole lot more exercise or activity into their routine.  While exercise is a part of a healthy routine, it’s not going to counteract a diet full of snacks, junk food or just too much food- period.  Also, if you’ve been pretty sedentary up to this point, beginning a vigorous exercise program might end up injuring you, or at the very least, overwhelm you.  This is something I see every January at my gym.  In November and December, the parking lot is usually pretty empty, because everyone is out holiday shopping or just avoiding the cold, but come January, good luck finding a parking spot!  Everyone is there to start on their healthy exercise program! By March, the parking lot is pretty much back to the regular gym rats; all the New Year Newbies have burned out or given up.

One of the other wrong turns many people make when they map out their weight loss plan is they cut calories and they do it drastically! “If cutting a little food is good, then cutting a lot of food is better!”  Ummmm, not really.  One of the things that usually gets left out of that plan is nutrition.  People flip over the package to look at the calories rather than the nutritional value that goes along with the food. Eggs are one of those things that gets a really bad rap in that regard: two eggs are about 140 calories, and most people look at the fat and cholesterol content.  They opt for ‘egg whites,’ which have no fat, no cholesterol and fewer calories.  While I prefer egg whites because I don’t like egg yolk (tastes horrible to me!), I’ve learned to eat them mainly because of their nutritional value.  Believe it or not, fat, cholesterol and the vitamins in the egg yolks are necessary for our good health!  This is why eggs are a high-value food in nature; the yolk is the nutrient sac for the growing embryo.  It has everything a growing body needs to start out healthy!  No yolk, no chick!

The same thing is true when it comes to a protein like grass-fed beef (another one on my Unfavorites List).  People look at the fat, cholesterol and calories, but grass-fed beef is high in Omega-3 fatty acids, something most of us lack.  All the vitamins and nutrition in the grass gets stored in the steer which becomes your burger or steak.  It’s a healthier option for you rather than grain-fed cattle, which can have a lot of the antibiotics, hormones and pesticides/ herbicides from the grain the steer ate.

The other pitfall that traps a lot of people is they try making too many changes at once. That’s what usually happens when we try the Dramatic and Daring to avoid the Dull and Boring. We try the Whole 30 or Keto Reset because we want to cover as much as we can as fast as we can. That’s understandable but if you’ve been eating like most Americans (lots of processed foods, high carbs, low fat, lots of crop oils, etc) those are a lot of complicated changes at once! It can cause some stomach upset, some confusion, and it’s a lot to coordinate. Most people get overwhelmed, especially if they’re making a lot of changes to their activities, trying to drink more water, eat less sugar and sleep more. It’s like you wake up one day and tell yourself “from now on, I’m only going to speak Spanish!” If Spanish isn’t your native language or you don’t know it very well, suddenly getting a simple medium size coffee can be a production!

However if you’ve be practicing several times a week, you might have to think about it, but you could get something pretty close to what you want without too much trouble.

That’s the whole point of laying a foundation and mapping out your route. The more of those simple habits you make part of your daily routine, the easier it is to build on them. It’s the equivalent of learning a handful of Spanish a day. You’re not going to be giving speeches anytime soon but you’ll get there eventually. It’s not glamorous but it gets the job done. The point is that you end up make many small doable changes over time that get you where you want to go, instead of trying to make a massive overhaul all at once. One route gets you to your destination; the other just gets you lost in the wilderness. 

Building A Solid Road for Weight Loss: The Bottom Layers Count

One of the alleged perks of being an English Major is that literature isn’t created in a vacuum, which was my see-through excuse for minoring in history. Basically, people write about what they know and what happens around them. For those of you rolling your eyes, I’m volunteering Jonathan Swift and Lewis Carroll. Both of their most famous works (Gulliver’s Travels and Alice in Wonderland, respectively) are brilliant satires on the England of their time. 

The beauty- and flaw- of this interconnection is that it lends real depth and strength to the stories, which is why we remember the mini Lilliputians and the Red Queen shouting “off with their heads!”  The flaw is that the stories are strong enough to stand on their own and no one remembers why the Lilliputians are so little and why the Queen wants to behead everyone. 

So what does a didactic Queen Victoria and petty self-absorbed 18th century Englishmen have to do with weight loss? One word: foundation. Actually one adjective and one noun: strong foundation. When we build a strong foundation for weight loss, or rather a healthy lifestyle, the healthy lifestyle will eventually stand strong on its own. The sum becomes greater than its parts. We don’t need to know the ins and outs of the history behind Swift & Carroll to enjoy the stories on their own. Usually only nerds like me care about the history; the rest of the world just likes the story. 

Since literature is rather ephemeral,the history geek in me is going to give you a more concrete example: the Appian Way, or virtually any Roman road. The Romans understood- probably better than any other culture- that if you’re going to build something, you should build it to last. All across the former Roman Empire, the modern civilizations currently living there are still using the roads, aqueducts and bridges (among other things) built by the Romans a couple thousand years ago. The solid foundations of those ancient roads still hold up better than modern creations, putting up not only with 2000 years of traffic but also continuing to withstand our modern trucks, buses and cars. One of the major frustrations of modern engineers is- again- the Why behind the strength in the Roman roads. Why do they last when something “modern and sophisticated” collapses after some rain and a couple decades of use? The secret is literally the concrete in the foundation. Roman concrete and the foundation of the road is why they last. It’s the bottom layers that no one sees and everyone forgets that give them their staying power. 

So when we go to build our healthy lifestyle to eat better, be more active and lose weight, we tend to focus more on the superstructure than the foundation: we want something that “looks dramatic” rather than the mundane stuff no one notices. Example: we decide to do a 21 Day Detox or a 6 Week Keto Reset or a Five Day Fast rather than something ‘dull’ like tracking for 14 days. Why is tracking so important? Simply put: we can’t measure what we don’t monitor. How can we improve our diet if we don’t know what our diet really is? We might think that we’re ‘eating clean,’ ‘eating high protein,’or that we’re ‘eating less,’ but studies show we really do have selective memory. We may remember “breakfast, lunch and dinner,” but forget we snacked on the peppermint patties after lunch or the latte we had after breakfast or the peanuts we got on the way home from work. Likewise finishing the last slice of pizza in the fridge after dinner or the marshmallows and hot chocolate while watching tv. Those little memory lapses add up over time and eventually tip the scales, literally. Until we know what and how much and how often we eat and drink, we can’t measure any healthy progress or make real healthy changes. It’s not glamorous or exciting, but it’s a solid foundation for positive changes. Once we know what we’re eating, we can begin making real changes and even more importantly, we’ll know what works and what doesn’t. This last simple truth is priceless. Example: if you think you’re eating low carb but “don’t count” the peanuts you have several times a week after lunch, you may not be as low carb as you think, and if you’re trying to get into ketosis, those peanuts might be getting in your way. Or it might not be the peanuts: it may be your ‘few times a week’ latte or the combination of the three times a week latte and the handful of peanuts each afternoon at the office. We might think of these as ‘occasional indulgences,’ but how ‘occasional’ are they really? You’d know if you tracked. 

The same is true if you’re trying to improve your insulin resistance: the longer you go between meals, ie fasting, the better it is for your insulin, but if you’re not tracking, you may not realize that “supposed sugarless, calorie-free” snack you’re eating multiple times a week is what’s getting in your way. If you’ve changed everything else and it’s still not working, that snack may be the culprit, but again if you’re not tracking, that snack might keep sneaking by. 

Most people don’t like to track because they don’t want to measure or walk around with a notebook to write things down. It doesn’t have to be that complicated. Personally I like a paper journal because I keep other notes in it, like my mood or any pain (arthritis aggravated by grains), or just simple things like sleep quality. Most of us don’t realize we’re walking around with mini computers in our hands all day long. Tracking can be putting down what we eat in our notes app, downloading a tracking app like MFP (My Fitness Pal) or Fitbit (especially if we have a tracker), or something as simple as taking a pic of everything we eat! It can be as complex or as easy as you want, as long as it works for you, but until we have a clear picture of our bottom line, anything we try to build on top of that is off to a shaky start! 

Emotional Eating – It’s an Excuse, Not a Coping Mechanism

“I’m an emotional eater” is probably one of the most common phrases in the weight loss community.  I hear it constantly on MFP (My Fitness Pal) and on My 600 lb Life.  It’s used as a coping mechanism for stress, depression and anxiety.  It’s a celebration when we’re happy.  Food basically either makes us feel good or it numbs and covers up whatever negative feelings we’re trying to avoid.  I remember having a fight with my mom, hanging up and then found myself staring into the fridge when I was completely not-hungry.

I also learned that I eat out of boredom.  For me, it was mainly in the evenings in front of the tv and there was nothing really to occupy my time other than the idiot box, so what do I have to eat? Anything good in the house? Or not good but still edible?  Boredom eating was (and still is) one of my biggest challenges.

I thought about it this morning on my way to work.  I listen to a rock station and a newer song came on the radio: “Rx (Medicate)” by Theory of a Deadman.  The lyrics were pretty much bang on target: “I am so frickin’ bored.  Nothing to do today.  I think I’ll medicate.”  Obviously, it’s more about pills and drugs than it is food, but for most of us ‘emotional eater,’ food is the same obsession as drugs, alcohol or anything else addictive.  It lights up the Pleasure Center in the brain just like nicotine, cocaine or beer, so it has the same effect on us.  It gives us pleasure, it distracts us from what we’re trying to avoid and when we’re done eating, we want more of the same.

There are a million problems with emotional eating just as there are with any addiction, but probably because food isn’t seen as something dangerous like the cigarettes, alcohol and drugs, we tend to let it slide.  ‘Eating our feelings’ is how we cope with things, even though we know we shouldn’t do it- it’s just one time! It’s only until the holidays/ special event is over!  I know it’s a crutch, but I just need to get over this XYZ right now.  I’m going to be a b*tch: these are all excuses!

One of my favorite episodes of My 600 lb Life is Dottie’s Story.  Dottie knew she was an emotional eater and she certainly had plenty of stress in her life (her older son was severely disabled with serious health problems).  Her sons were her main reason for wanting to lose weight because she needed to be there to take care of them.  As a result of her eating, she weighed nearly 700 lbs, and as Dr. Nowzaradan told her repeatedly, “you can’t take care of your kids if you’re immobile or dead.”  After nearly losing her oldest boy, she had gained nearly 40 more pounds, and on one particular night, dinner for her, her husband and her one year old baby was three medium pizzas and a 9×12 pan of brownies.  Her sister was trying to bring home the idea that ‘eating her stress’ isn’t going to solve anything; Dottie’s response was that “you have different coping mechanisms than I do,” and I agree with Dottie 100%.  We all have different coping mechanisms for the stress in our lives, and while Dottie doesn’t need to adopt her sister’s coping strategy any more than her sister should adopt Dottie’s, the point I think her sister was trying to make is that when one of our coping strategies (cigarettes, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.) becomes more harm than help, we need to change it to something else!  Eating our feelings is not a viable long term method for dealing with stress.  While most of us aren’t nearly 700 lbs, it is still not a practical or safe method for dealing with whatever is stressing us out.  Even though it may not seem ‘dangerous’ to eat a box of brownies or a pint of ice cream when we break up with our significant other or we have a huge fight with our boss, or whatever is going on in our lives (there’s always something!), let’s try substituting something that is obviously unhealthy, like drinking a fifth of vodka or a case of beer or gambling away $100 or more.  Those are obviously a little more problematic, since most of us can’t afford to throw away $100 or getting that drunk can kill you or someone else if you’re dumb enough to try driving afterwards.  Even if you tell yourself “I only do this when [insert event here] happens!”, does that still make it safe or okay?

The main problems I see with emotional eating are these: 1) what happens when you have a lot of stress/ anxiety on a regular or long term basis?; and 2) there is a cumulative effect.  This is why I maintain eating your feelings isn’t a viable strategy for dealing with your stress, anxiety and problems.

When you have a lot of stress all the time or just all at once, are you just going to keep eating your feelings?  Like the example I used earlier, if you suddenly started getting drunk or gambling on a regular basis, most of your friends and family would become concerned, but with eating, it’s a little less noticeable until the pounds start showing up.  Then a loved one might try to bring it up delicately, but it’s not something ‘serious’ like the drinking or gambling, where they might feel a little more justified in having a heart-to-heart for your benefit.

Except that eating your feelings is something dangerous, because of problem #2: the cumulative effect.  Most of us aren’t good at losing weight. For most of us, our weight tends to ratchet upwards with our age.  We talk with fondness about how thin and fit we were in high school and ‘wish I was still that thin!’ So the more stress we have as we go through life, the more we eat our feelings, those two or three extra pounds we gained when we broke up with Love of Our Life or when we lost our job or when we had that Family Crisis tend to add up: 3 lbs + 2 lbs + 3 lbs is suddenly 8 lbs.  Now imagine if we go up only three pounds a year? If we were 125 lbs when we graduated high school, by the time we are 28 (10 years down the road) that’s 30 lbs! And if we keep to that three lbs/ year, by the time we are forty, it’s 66 lbs!  So as we are getting older and our body is starting to feel its age, we are adding to the problems by giving it another 60 lbs to carry around.  Even worse, by the time most of us realize that our weight is getting out of control, around the 10 or 20 lbs number, we usually turn to the diet pills and problems that don’t work, throw us on the yo-yo diet track, and then our weight becomes one of those ‘stress triggers’ that cause us to eat our feelings! Yay! Let’s take that campfire and throw some lighter fluid on it to get it really going hot!!

I’m not trying to be an alarmist or blow things out of proportion here, but eating our feelings has somehow attained status as a viable coping mechanism in our culture. There’s the stereotype of crying women with the pint of ice cream watching a love story on tv after a break up. It’s become ‘acceptable’ but that doesn’t make it a real strategy for dealing with stress, anxiety or negative emotions.  This is what Dottie’s sister was trying to explain to her: “you can eat your feelings, but it’s not going to help you deal with the underlying problem.”  We all need to find a way to deal with those problems and emotions, because we all have them in our lives.

I get it: it sucks! It truly does! It feels so much easier to eat a cookie (or several cookies) than to deal with the real problem, such as your significant other cheating, losing your job, having a fight with a sibling, or a serious health concern in your family.  Real problems suck and it sucks dealing with them.  Try dealing with them when your weight is also becoming a problem! Now you have the problem plus your own aching knees, incipient diabetes, or a hernia.  Remember when you were a kid and your mom wanted to dig out the splinter in your finger or rip off the band-aid on your arm? “No! It’ll hurt!” Yeah, it did- for a few minutes! Then your finger or your arm stopped stinging and the wounds healed and you forgot about them.  It’s the same way with your other problems, though not as quick.  Finding a way to deal with the problems, either by journaling, seeing a therapist or finding some other method based on who or what you’re dealing with will probably take some time and no doubt some trial and error, but in the long run, learning how to deal with a difficult situation will serve your health- and your confidence- much better than continuing to hide behind a pizza, doughnuts or a bag of chips.

 

Holiday Cheer and Weight Loss

For those of you in the USA, next Thursday is Thanksgiving.  It’s a time to get together with family and eat until we pass out on the sofa in front of the football game and/ or Macy’s Parade.  Usually, if you are trying to lose weight, you don’t know if you should dread all the food you know you’re going to eat (or at least want to) or if you’re going to use the holiday as an excuse to eat until your belt has to come off.

I am not going to make this easy for you: it’s your decision and there is no ‘wrong’ choice.  Despite what others have to say, there is no Food Police and whatever you decide to eat or not eat, you won’t be given demerits or extra credit points.  There’s no bonus for saying no to the pumpkin pie or the stuffing.

I will give you my own best advice, having faced a few of these holidays while trying to lose weight, and my best advice is this: eat what you know you won’t regret! I know it sounds like a cop out, but really this whole ‘healthy eating thing’ we’re trying to do isn’t something we just do ‘sometimes’ or when we feel like we’re having a good day.  This really is a lifestyle, so it means eating without guilt (remember no Food Police!) It also means we eat the same way (or we should) whether others are watching or not.  We’ve all done the sneak-eating, where we hope no one notices the box of Chips Ahoy is missing and that we ate all or most of them!  What we eat is completely our business! Our bodies, our health, our food! Please understand that I am not telling you to take the deep dish apple pie off the buffet and eat the whole thing , although if you want to, you can.  I am just wondering if you will regret it on Friday, because I know I would!  I am telling you that having a piece of pie or cake or stuffing or whatever you choose is not a reason to beat yourself up, if you want it and will not regret it later!  That’s pretty much the operative phrase here: if you won’t regret it.  The caveat to this whole idea of regret is pretty much basic Cause and Effect.  Everything you eat has an effect on your body, your health, weight and your goals.  It’s that savvy shopper rule: you get what you pay for!  If you don’t mind paying for the stuffing, yams with marshmallows, pumpkin pie and carrot cake with all the aftereffects of roller coaster blood sugar, cravings and hunger and maybe a weight stall or even a gain, then that’s your business.  You are prepared to pay for what you ate, you enjoyed it and you aren’t sorry, so don’t let anyone try guilting you over your choices.

However, it you are trying to bargain your way out of the cost, such as things like “I won’t eat anything the day before/ after Thanksgiving,” you may be out of luck! It’s a lot harder to go without to make up for bingeing, and usually it doesn’t work.  Unless you’ve been fasting for a while, it’s hard to make it through the initial couple of days especially if you don’t know what pitfalls to look out for and usually by the time the holiday arrives, you’re STARVING and end up eating way more than feels good.  (FYI: if you do want to try legitimate fasting, read Dr. Jason Fung’s book The Complete Guide to Fasting or google the “Intensive Dietary Management Program”.) The trick isn’t to swing from one end of the spectrum to the other: the key is stay fairly consistent.  As in, I might eat a couple of things not normally on my menu for the holiday, but I’m not going nuts over the carrot cake!

I think Mark Sisson made a great point in his interview on the Primal Potential podcast when he said most Americans think in terms of “how much can I eat without gaining weight?”  This is pretty much how we view Thanksgiving: how much can I wolf down before it’s too much?  I know there is no Food Police, but this is the same idea we have with a lot of things (like money!) that really gets us into trouble.  I used to see the same idea on billboards for my gym all the time: “I work out because: [fill in the blank]” and it’s usually been ‘filled in’ with a phrase such as “I like four cheese pizza!”  I understand that ideation really well.  I used to eat most of a medium thick crust loaded pizza and bread stick and wings on a fairly regular basis.  And, no, I didn’t work out then.  And pretty much every time I looked at the two or three pieces of pizza left over in the fridge, I’d either feel guilty that I ate so much of it or I’d try congratulating myself on not eating ALL of it!  That is not the best mindset to view what you eat! Unfortunately, this is how most of view the holidays: “well, at least I didn’t eat all the [insert holiday treat here]!”

I am going to give you some good advice if you are feeling nervous going into the holidays.  Stay away from appetizers or snacks that are just fast carbs or sugar.  At my relative’s house, there’s always a huge bowl of chips and dip, but there’s usually a veggie tray too.  I stick with the veggies: they are more filling, fewer calories (if minimal dip) and more nutritious.  I also stick with the veggies and the meats at the meal: not a lot of yams, or potatoes, and more of the salad or roasted veggies and the turkey.  I do a spoonful of stuffing and maybe a spoonful of macaroni salad.  I also say no to the bread, because usually they’re store-bought heat and serve rolls (not worth it to me).  As for dessert, if there is something I want to try, I do a small slice or serving.  The key is to enjoy the food, not feel like it’s put me in a coma! It is also 100% okay to say no to anything on the table or anything you are offered!

If we want to be successful over the coming holidays, we need to eat without guilt or shame or excuses. If we want to eat the pie, then eat the pie- as long as you know what you are prepared to pay for it! If it’s more important to you to lose a couple more pounds before Christmas or New Year’s, then don’t eat the pie.  You know you will regret it when you put on that special outfit for the holiday and it’s too tight or doesn’t look as good as you want it to.  If you feel okay paying that price, then don’t feel guilty about what you ate or didn’t eat.  It’s also okay not to eat everything on your plate! Sometimes, especially at holidays, we serve ourselves too much or someone else is too generous with the food.  It’s okay to say it’s too much, or take some home or to leave it behind (here, kitty, kitty!) There’s no law that says we need to binge or we need to deny ourselves. Remember- no Food Police! No guilt, no excuses, no shame! Eat what you feel good about eating, either because you want to celebrate the holiday or you are okay paying the price for it! Your body, your health- your rules!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Burdens, Blessings, Obstacles and Opportunities: Using Them to Your Best Advantage in Weight Loss

I know from experience that when most of us begin making healthy changes to our lifestyles, or even just start planning on these changes, we are met right away with burdens and obstacles.  It’s like the world, Fate or the Universe is plotting to keep us fat and unhealthy!  Even though we know that’s not the truth, there’s a lot of days when it sure feels like it!

Then there’s just the whole matter of logistics: family members, work schedules, school schedules, and every day annoyances like meetings, luncheons, conferences, traffic and the always popular seasonal parties.  How do we integrate our plan for healthy choices in the middle of all we have going on? Most of us try to work it in for a few days or a few weeks and then collapse under the burden of all our obstacles.  “There’s just too much getting in the way!”  Sometimes, the Universe wins despite all our best plans!  The tricks I’ve found are: 1) not to be discouraged; and 2) how to turn a ‘burden’ into a ‘blessing.’

I am certainly no philosopher or theologian, but through my reading and my Liberal Arts education, I’ve learned a few things.  One of the books I had to read in college was the Teachings of Chuang Tzu, a 3rd Century Taoist philosopher.  It’s definitely what I refer to as a ‘sponge book,’ meaning when you read a parable, it probably won’t make sense to you right away- you have to let it soak in.  Gradually, you begin to understand the meaning.  It’s a difficult philosophy to get through and unfortunately, our professor began his course (Humanities) with that book.  Our class went from about 50 to about 20 in a few short weeks.  But the overall gist of his teachings on the Tao is, in my opinion, not that different from Stoicism (the Greco-Roman philosophy with the capital S) or Zen Buddhism: we are all part of the One and until we learn to accept that, we will always be unhappy.

That doesn’t mean that we just have to accept that we will always be fat, unhappy and unhealthy.  It means we have to find ways to make what looks like a burden or an obstacle be a blessing to us instead.  Believe me, I am certainly not one of those happy little “turn that frown upside down” perky people!  Most of my Disney stuff has either Grumpy, Eeyore or Donald Duck on it- not the happy campers! But, basically, if sh*t happens, I can either wallow in it, or find a way out of it (this is Trick #2). Example: I commute 2 hours every morning and every evening five days a week.  Essentially, all those fitness gurus who say “move every hour” are wasting their breath on me during my commute because I’ve got at least 20 hours a week on my butt in my car.  I can either use that as an obstacle or an excuse not to exercise or lose weight, or I can find a way to use it to my advantage.  So, all those podcasts that I listen to? You got it- in the car either on the way to work or on the way home! The same with audiobooks or just to de-stress either by listening to a favorite playlist or using my Bluetooth to catch up with friends.  And yes, I realize the irony of de-stressing while stuck in traffic.  That’s the other trick: traffic, like sh*t, happens! I can either freak out about it or just accept it as part of life! My current boss is pretty sanguine about it- I am usually more irritated by being late than he is, but either way, my freaking out isn’t going to change the flow of traffic and all it’s going to do is raise my anxiety and blood pressure.

If you listen to someone like Chuang Tzu, when we have something that looks like a burden or an obstacle, changing our perspective changes the obstacle itself.  Many of my friends groan when they think of my commute, but to me, it’s an opportunity.  Seriously, without being ‘trapped in the car for so many hours,’ when would I find the time to listen to podcasts and audiobooks?  I’d have to find it somewhere else in my week! This situation is perfect for it! Not a lot else that I can do in the car but listen!

The same is true for one of the most common complaints I hear: ‘no one else in my family wants to eat healthy!’ Awesome!! Seriously, when we live alone like me, I don’t have any of those temptations in my house unless I bring them in. Don’t want them tempting you? Don’t buy them! Then we go out to a conference and there are those evil bagels daring me not to eat them! It’s hard, because I don’t face that temptation at home.  When you are constantly looking at your kids’ chips or spouse’s ice cream or garlic bread, then you get used to seeing all the foods that aren’t on your healthy diet and even more important, you get used to not-eating them! Their siren song of “eat me!” fades away because you have stopped listening to it- you are stronger than the garlic bread, ice cream, chips or bagels.  The key of course is not-eating them, which does take some strength to start out, just like it takes some strength for me not to put them in my cart at the store (“I can have one and give the rest to my dad/ sister/ friends”- riiiight!! Not happening!!) The trick is to look at this obstacle as practice.  If you face these temptations every day at home, the pizza at the work luncheon is no match for you!

The other trick is not getting discouraged when you either give in to temptation or something gets in the way of your success.  In other words, those times when the Universe wins.  In my case, the Universe won recently: I usually have a water aerobics class on Mondays and I got stuck on Sunday (my prep day) helping my mom, so I planned on going grocery shopping after my Monday class.  Those were my best-laid plans upon which the Universe wrought its usual havoc. I ended up working an hour and a half later than usual, due to delays at court and with clients, so I figured I’d missed my workout class, but then thanks to traffic (yay?), I ended up getting home even later still: those two hours took three and grocery shopping at 7:30 p.m. was really not appealing.  I opted for the healthiest fast food I could get: grilled chicken and coleslaw- yay…. The trick is that yes, the Universe won on Monday, but Monday is one day.  It’s not the rest of my life! (at least I hope not!)  The key is to make more healthy decisions that unhealthy ones.  One bad day or one bad week should not be the end of your healthy plan! I didn’t get to be 438 lbs by eating one bad fast food dinner at Jack in the Box; it was a pattern of bad choices that built upon itself and resulted in my being miserably unhealthy.  My choices are give up and be unhealthy and unhappy and fat, or keep the faith and try for better.  Even when the Universe wins.  Even when it feels like the deck is stacked against me (hey, 438?!?)  Even if it’s just as simple as taking a seeming failure (“I had biscuits with my chicken and coleslaw! Ugh!”) and using it as a teaching tool for you not to do it again (those stomach cramps during the night? think it was from the flour in the biscuits?? Hello!!)

There are a lot of Motivational Gurus who like to use phrases like “be the captain of your destiny” to encourage you to ‘be in control.’  While I think it’s really motivational, I also think it’s setting you up for a big fall.  A lot of ‘your destiny’ has to do with things that happen around you and to you.  A big part of my outlook and my weight loss success is accepting there are things in my life that are in my control and as for everything else, all I can do is control my reaction.  Like Monday, when I realized I was not going to get off work in time to make my class, when I realized I was stuck in traffic and was getting home way later than I thought- I could have gotten angry, I could have had a tantrum and what would I have gained by that? Just stress and anxiety! I’ve got enough of both of those in my life and I sure don’t need to make any more for myself! It happened, so I made the best I could out of my situation (although I did get a bit snippy at the car in the drive thru ahead of me at 7:30! And that didn’t get me anything either!)

Seriously, it’s taken me a really really long time (like forty-plus years!) to realize that not getting angry at the Universe is an option and it’s not admitting defeat.  It’s simply changing strategies.  There’s an obstacle in your way? Go around it! I can gripe and whine and b*tch about spending 20 hours a week in the car and it won’t change my situation; it’ll just make me tense and upset and angry. What can I do that’s productive while I’m in the car? I can listen to something informative or enjoyable- problem solved! It’s not an obstacle anymore; I made it an opportunity instead!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jumping Through Hoops: There’s Always a Loophole!

Most of us are used to things like paperwork, phone trees and red tape: nothing is ever simple anymore! Calling an agency to get a stupid fax number means giving out your name, your number and whatever ‘file’ or ‘reference’ number you’re ‘calling about’!  Seriously??  “I’m calling to get a dang fax number!! As soon as you get the dang fax, you’ll know what this is about!!”

The truth is that ‘modern life’ is full of different kinds of stressors and hassles and it’s a never-ending drama.  As soon as one problem resolves itself, another pops up.  Welcome to the Real World!  While we all know this, we usually don’t deal with it very well when it comes to weight loss, eating healthy and working out.  We use reality and its issues as excuses to blow off the healthy meal choice, the workout schedule or losing weight: “I can’t deal with one more thing today- it’ll have to wait until tomorrow/ next week/ after the holidays.”

Okay…so when exactly are you not going to have ‘something going on?’  Here’s my Real Life example: my mother had major back surgery the first week of August (it is now the middle of November) and since then has been in a convalescent hospital.  My dad (who is her retired ex-husband) has been visiting her every other day, mainly to shuttle her stuff back and forth between her house and the hospital and pick up her mail.  It also means he’s been caring for her dogs those days.  The days he doesn’t come (he lives 75 miles away), I’ve been going to her house to care for her dogs and bring in her mail.  I work five days a week with a 4 hour commute round trip; I work out three days a week and on the weekends, I spend a half day Saturdays and Sundays at her house to give her dogs some outside time and some people time.  This means I’m usually leaving for work around 6:45 a.m. (normal time) but I’m getting home around 8:00 p.m. which is not normal, even on workout nights!  In addition to my job, her dogs and my work out schedule, I also have my own pets and my own errands (like vehicle maintenance, grooming appointments and oh yeah a personal life?)  So right in the middle of this mess, my car decides to break down for the second time in less than a month, which means I had to borrow my sister’s car- so grateful!! But mine took a week to get repaired, mainly due to the incompetence of the repair shop.  As a result, I missed one workout because I was getting my car towed, and I missed the following day’s workout because we thought my mom was getting out of the hospital and we had to pick up her belongings.  By the time we realized that wasn’t happening, I’d missed my class! This past Monday, still driving my sister’s car, I showed up at my gym for my workout class only to realize my membership tag was on my car keys. In the shop with my car! GRRR!!! Luckily, my gym has an app with my ‘card’ on it, so I was able to make it to that class at least!

The point isn’t that I’ve got a buttload of excuses not to make my workouts, not to prepare a healthy dinner (at 8:00 p.m.) and plenty of excuses to eat fast food and lay around the house ‘resting.’  I’ve got great ‘reasons’ to ‘worry about my goals later.’  The point is that if I just decided to ‘take a break’ from my goals and go back to working out and eating healthy after my mom gets home from the hospital, I’d’ve been waiting for three months already! “Let me put my goals on hold for a quarter of the year, and counting!”

The point is that life is always this way!  It’s kind of how life works: we do what we want in spite of the real world! Believe me, I’m not some superwoman; there are a few nights where I blew off my cardio class to go home and go to bed (like at 7:30 p.m.)! I figured if I were too dang tired to make it to my workout, then I was at least going to do something productive and get some much needed sleep! Although I think it was a better decision that further exhausting myself, I am still not happy about it, mainly because the cardio class is only 8 sessions and it’s not included in my gym membership (where I can show up at the pool to do a workout on my own).

I admit that my weight loss has suffered, mainly because stress and lack of sleep really get in the way.  There have also been some holiday-related treats which probably would have happened without the added stress as an excuse to splurge. The point I am trying to make is that we need to fight for our goals despite what life throws at us.  It’s okay to pick your battles, like when I opted to go home to bed rather than making my cardio class.  I had to ask myself which would be more benefit to me, and honestly, I still think I was a little lazy, even though I pretty much fell asleep as soon as I got into bed! As for waiting until the craziness to stop? I’d be waiting forever! My goals are important to me and I know it’s going to take work to get there, even without the nutty schedule I’ve got right now.

The point I’m trying to reinforce is that if we want to find an excuse or a ‘reason’ to do or not do something, we will always find it.  There will always be something that’s ‘not convenient,’ such as working late, being sick, having a lot of errands, feeling stressed, or just not ‘feeling like it.’  I know at the pool, the classes have been getting smaller and smaller, partly I am sure due to the colder weather, and partly because of the upcoming holidays.  People are busy and that’s their choice, but if you claim you are ‘working hard’ towards your goals, then why are you letting excuses get in your way?

There are a lot of people, including some of my friends, who look at how busy my life is and tell me that I’m entitled to take a day off.  I think they’re right, especially since the last time I let myself get run down, I caught a cold.  I also know that skipping my classes doesn’t make me feel better- it adds to my stress because ‘now I missed a workout!’  I’d rather make my workout, do something I enjoy doing with people I like and feel better mentally and physically.  If my workouts don’t make me feel better, then I am not going to do them, and neither should you! I chose these classes because I like how they make me feel- getting the exercise and building strength are bonuses to me.  They are what I want to do and what I would be doing with my time if Real Life weren’t getting in my way, so they are not a sacrifice or a burden- they are my ‘fun time.’

I’ve heard it said that we make the time for things that are important to us, and I believe that is true.  One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Thomas Paine: “what we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.” I remind myself of that often.  If it didn’t cost us anything, then we don’t value it enough.  That’s why I make the time for workouts and for eating healthy.  Getting this far has been a lot of work and effort and throwing it away to eat chips and burgers and other junk food is simply not an option for me.  Finding workout classes that I enjoy was more effort and time as well as money, so throwing those away aren’t options either! These things- my health and my happiness- are important to me, which is why I will be driving to the gym after work and then driving to my mom’s to feed and play with the dogs and then driving home to throw together a salad and reheating rotisserie chicken for the hundredth time! (FYI: not taking care of her dogs is also not an option!) I worked hard to get here, and I’m not going to hop through some ‘excuse loophole’ to cheat myself out of my hard work!